[laserjet88]

After almost half my life battling with gambling, going through the ups and downs, mainly downs then up, reading the personal individual threads, this evening i have a calling to share my story in the hope that someone reads this and realises the true extent of addiction and how there are deeper holes than you think you are going through.

Briefly, very similar to all, I started by that one small bet escalating to many bigger and irrational bets, the highs and lows of gambling, despite the lows, I still wanted to carry on, to get a grip or control of the system. When you run out of immediate funds, I sourced others, through credit/ loan applications, being resourceful when that ends in borrowing by lying to loved ones, when that ends….. stealing.

Stealing is what I ended up doing to the tune of “xxx,xxx.00”, and losing it within a short time. The fact that I got away with the lies, manipulation, despite it making me broke and selfless, but in a “positive” way, made me good at what i do best, manipulating and lying to the dearest and closest, up to the extent that you think you are invincible.

Boy, did I hit hard……. even when I was found out by employer, the police were called in…. it didnt really hit home, being hauled not out of choice to the local police station when I had such a good rest in the cells whilst they put the case behind the charge together against me.

2 years later, agonising wait, i was sentenced to a CATB prison in wandsworth……… for 18 months…..

this really put everything in perspective…… liberty and freedom taken away when the cell door closes….. feeling that you should be in there with others who have killed, gbh whatever….. but, i was no different, I’ve killed the trust of people around me, loved ones, family and friends, killed missed opportunities….. 

even after all this, despite going to GA, and other theraphy, where I had genuine intent, the illness still took over….. went long periods in between, but eventually found my way back….

suicide? yes thought about this many times before, but was just couldn’t do it…..

I was glad, fast forward 10 years….. i’m glad i didn’t do it….. i have a beautiful wife who stuck with me, when she had no reason to stay with me….. got a family home, filled with 2 excellant daughters

its the first time in a long time that i have a better understanding of my shortfalls and how powerful gambling is…. I have my faith in the lord that I try to find answers to through the experience of life….

yes…. i have much regret, but what doesn’t break you…. only makes you and the lord has plans for me and everyone else……. what they are, i don’t know, but i’m do know that they are better then they have been

i had numerous “deep holes” throughout and the runup of being in prison, there is no depth deep enough to stop an individual, everyone has their own journey………. ultimately i believe its to do with maintaining honesty and integrity to you and everyone around you. just need to do what is right, if in your own mind it isn’t….. then try that bit harder…..

GA, and other theraphies such as Gordon Moody Association are the only ways in understanding your addiction, bring together people who are in the same boat, at different stages of recovery……. 

i just take each day at a time, its a daily batter, there is hope, through adversity do we become stronger and it will result in a better place for you.

Thanks for reading and all the best in your recovery

[velvet]

Hello Laserjet and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[Monica1]

A great story. Thank you for sharing it. We have all been there. I am so pleased you are doing well.

[作者]

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