Hi Geordie,
Many thanks for the response, and I can see you did indeed read my initial post a few times in order to pick up on a few anomalies.
Firstly, the answer to your question as to whether I would be here now or still gambling if the wife had not opened that letter is very simple, no I wouldn’t be here, I would probably be having an extended lunch break from work down at the local Bet Fred throwing countless £20 notes in the FOTBs.
The time gap between all coming out into the open and my first day free from gambling is again, a simple one to answer, although doesn’t make me sound a nice person. Yes, it did feel like a weight off my shoulder, but at that time I still ‘enjoyed’ the buzz I got from gambling, so in essence, I was still deceiving my wife, and myself if truth be told.
Day one came about after I woke up and just realized I could no longer put off the inevitable, I had to be honest to myself and quit the habit. I still had money in my account and needed to start the cold turkey before I had a desolate account ( you cant gamble anyway with no money!).
I am now on Day 23 and pushing on through, I guess the next hurdle will be pay day next week, but I really am feeling confident inside that I will not relapse. I have also started back at the gym, after a break of over 20 years!, I really do think in order to break the camels back you have to re engineer your brain, how it thinks, how it interprets etc and also, have a healthier lifestyle all round. I have to say, I really do feel better since the physical fitness programme began.
I totally agree with you, self honesty is imperative, and although most would not understand the fact I still gambled after the wife was made aware, I guess those next few weeks were something I had to go through until the light bulb engaged in my brain and I made the conscious decision to stop for good.
You mentioned my wife’s response, and you are bang on, she was mortified, the ultimate betrayal, and she is right, as bad as having an affair if truth be told. We are taking it one day at a time, however I am aware it will take many months and years for her to completely trust me again, but I will do everything to ensure that happens.
Lastly, just to reiterate, I do want to give up, 100%, and I will …. failure is not an option, I have only potentially half my life on this planet left and I intend to enjoy it with my family, free from the evils of gambling.
Far from being doom and gloomy, I smiled when reading your post, you’re honest in your thinking, I like that, no flannel or b/s, just honesty. 🙂
I will keep this updated, always good to offload at times.
Darren.