[levi]

hi guys
its been a while since i had my own journal on here but i feel like its time to start writing again to regain my focus.
to start on a positive note, since my first massive downfall a year ago the following things have changed in my life in a good way:
– been in my job 11.5 months, a year at the end of march. i got the job after my first severe gambling losses in February last year and the losses were the very thing that propelled me into finding it/getting it. overall i enjoy my job, the money has improved since they took me on a permanent contract and work 40 hours a week and although some are not so good, i do have some good people i work with.
– got bright red a VW golf gti !! the car i’ve wanted for a long time, as a reward for being in my job and my money going up, paying for it monthly but very worth it, love the car and has fulfilled an ambition of having this car! its also practical cos i use it daily for work as well and it enhances my life.
– got a puppy, dexter, who is a miniature dachshund and i’d wanted for a long time. got him at the end of jan when he was 7 weeks old and he is now 16 weeks old. i love dogs more than anything and will enjoy having him in my life. the puppy phase is hard but am coming through the hardest part and he’s turning out very well. he also helps keep my focus on good and simple things in life, looking in his eyes, i don’t want to let him down, he deserves the best possible of me

the bad stuff:
– have lost a lot more money gambling. despite taking what i thought were proper roadblocks i have always found a way to worm myself back in or make an excuse. a sickening amount. even up until last weekend i just have a (what seems to be monthly) lapse which is catastrophic cos it coincides with when i just get paid putting my car payment and my loan payments etc in to jeopardy.
– stress/depression/tiredness/ocd/relationship problems – been having major problems with all of those. i feel like i don’t know who i am half the time, like i am just going through the motions, even stuff i should be enjoying i don’t seem to feel it, even stuff with my puppy sometimes i feel so mashed up about it all when i should be on cloud9 so i don’t know whats wrong with me. i find everything in life so overwhelming.
– weight gain – feel very fat and am currently on day 1 of a low carb programme which i will be on for the next 2 weeks in an extreme way to try and lose some of it.

i am in the middle of sorting out some stuff and having my room redecorated so i hope that will help how i feel too, like a clean up operation to declutter myself (might even find a few things to sell).
have a mad headache so have to stop writing now, working the early shift this week and it kills me, start at 6am. i will update here when i just need to get something off my chest or to update of progress, my next major goal is to make to the end of april without gambling, when i have a payment to make of £2175 which if i dont make it will be in some major trouble but if i stay focused, i will beable to make it.
—– Levi

[Anonymous]

hope all is good with you, boy whose name i love.  havent seen a post from ya in a bit and thought ild check in with ya.

[levi]

hey! things are holding up ok in my world. am making my payday last quite well, buying only essentials and bills, no gambling at all since my last slip. one of my major sources of disaster (a uk site called jackpot joy) is due to unblock on friday after a 4 week ban (i re-ban it every 4 weeks) so that will be a danger zone but i have vowed just to go straight there, log in, block it, and leave. then if i do that swiftly there is no time for “i’ll just have one game” and then disaster strikes. meanwhile i am looking forward to a week off work starting on friday!! can’t wait. am going away to a friend for some of it and the rest am decorating my bedroom and having a big sort out. i hope to feel really good after that.
my little dog dexter is coming along awesome and we go for a long walk every single day which helps to clear my head, improve my fitness, make my little dog happy and get me at one with the simple beauty of nature without staring transfixed at a slot machine.—– Levi

[desdemona]

Hi Levi! I’m happy to see that you’ve moved on from your last "blowout."  Incredible the financial damage we can do in a short period of time.Two months wages in one sitting must feel really demoralizing. What were you thinking and feeling before you made the decision to gamble? The most recent realization I had was that every single reason I could come up with to gamble was an excuse. This has helped me tremendously in my recovery. Also that it does take some self-discipline on my part. I have to tell myself no when those thoughts and urges come. I never learned delayed gratification so now I’m having to learn this life lesson. Happy Recovery Day! Carole

[nelly]

Hi Levi if you are struggling with debt try the CCcs credit consumer council you can apply online then you pay them what you can afford each month and they dish it out to the companies you owe cash to and they get rid if the interest

[Anonymous]

glad your doing well and got threw pay day ok.  yeah log on, do the deed and get off that site.  sure dont wanna blow that nice week off ya got coming up and im pretty sure placing any bet there will do just that.  nice to hear your enjoying life and got them goals in tack.  keep doing what your doing cause it seems to work well for you.

[Anonymous]

Good that your money is still lasting, and that you havn’t gambled since the last time, well done. Am a curious to why you only ban for 4 weeks at a time, instead of banning for the ***. 5 years? Is this not just keeping a door open? Better still what about betfilter or K9?
All the best.
Geordie.Recovery is priceless.

[paul315]

Originally posted by Levi

hey! things are holding up ok in my world …

Good afternoon Levi,
It is good to here that things are OK in your world; when we take back control of our lives, our world does project a brighter and more joyful look.  One of the reasons is that "our world" has became smaller and less cluttered without the consequences and problems that we had to face when the gambling world was part of it.
Keep broadening your world and limiting the outside one of the gambling industry; shut them out and continue to experience the better way of living.  One thing that might help in keeping your world OK is to not just sigh up for a Colling Off Period at the online site that causes you concern, but to chose the option to close that account outright, and then install a game-blocker that will restrict you form reopening it or others. Holding on to something you have a fear of, or keeping it open in hopes that you will be able to return someday, will only strengthen that false hope and work at playing on the fear while destroying the real hope that is there for you to stop gambling altogether.
God’s Speed. Stay strong. Take strong and decisive actions against the gambling world; take strong and decisive action in favor of your world.
 LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

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