[riverdaleboy]

Well here I am again in a complete mess. I have 17p to last me until January 8th and Christmas a week away. I don’t even know where I will be sleeping either because I have run out of sofa credit with everybody now and who needs a skint gambler for Christmas. I have been offered a place at Gordon Moody but I have to wait a while. Life is bleak.

[vera]

I loved your poem, Riverdale.
There is always hope.
From the words of your poem having access to CASH is your downfall.
Same here!
Can you get someone to take care of your funds?
I know your immediate situation sounds hopeless, but as Sad rightly said, when we are broke money becomes our main focus. There is much more to gambling than money. I’m sure you know that.
I hope and pray some family member takes you under his/her wing this Christmas.
Any one on this Forum could be down to 17p. The good news is when we are broke, we can’t gamble!
Keep posting!

[Dunc]

<

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[charles]

Hello Riverdaleboy and welcome to the forum.

Well done on looking for help and I am glad you already have support at Gordon Moody already lined up.

From the heading of this thread you can “get help quickly.” It’s not the sort of help that is going to improve things straight away though. Read and post here. In the New Year get to a GA meeting, talk to the Citizens Advice Bureau or StepChange about any debts that you have.

You can’t gamble right now but what things can you put in place so that you are less able to act on any urges when you do have money again?

Keep posting.

[riverdaleboy]

I am glad you enjoyed the poem, I used to write a lot of poetry but that too has fallen by the wayside recently. I have had a lot of counselling with Breakeven which has now ended and I think that was the trigger that restarted my problems because I suddenly felt abandoned again which is something I have had to get used to over the years. I will get through Christmas somehow and wait for my place at Gordon Moody, until then life will be a struggle but I am going to stay on this forum and hope that with the help of people on here I can survive this current crisis. As for getting someone to take care of my funds I have tried that but always found a way round it to get the money either by deception or by lying my way out of it. I know that sounds awful but when the urges hit me I will do anything to gamble even though I know the consequences.

[riverdaleboy]

I would like to thank you for the warm welcome to this forum. I am looking forward to a future with some hope now thanks to the comments I have received already and the fact that I have been lucky enough to be accepted by Gordon Moody. It is just a matter of getting through day by day and as you have so rightly said making plans for my money to be less readily available to me and closing all my accounts with anything connected to my gambling addiction. Thanks again for your words of wisdom I am a good listener,

[vera]

This is a great site, Riverdale,
B U T
It’s up to us to use the bag of tools they give us.
In my experience, CGs need to learn how to balance our lives. I have met a lot of “all or nothing” people here. We (me, for one)are either stoney broke or we are “flush”. Either down in our boots, or elated. Either 100% into gambling , or 100% into Recovery.
Finding a happy medium one day at a time helps, I think.
I don’t say this as a judgement about any member here. It is just something I have noticed. As people move down the lane of recovery , mellowness sets in.
I hope and pray Gordon House will be the answer to your gambling problem. This Christmas may not be a “rich” one for you but wherever you stay, I’m sure help with preparing food, washing up and chatting to everyone will be a welcome present. There are things in Life that no money can buy. Sadly we tend to forget about them whether we are “up” or “down”.
Best wishes in recovery!

[riverdaleboy]

I know it sounds strange but ever since I reached out for help after many years of gambling my family have done nothing but ridicule my efforts. I had a good think about the cause of this problem and have come to the conclusion that it is the culmination of many years of lies and deception that I have put them through. I suppose its the cry wolf situation. They did not believe initially that I had been accepted by Gordon Moody until I let them read my e mails etc. I cannot wait to get away from all this mockery, I really do think that to some extent they are part of the problem now. Your thoughts on this subject would be much appreciated.

[monique]

I’m sorry that you are experiencing this kind of response from family. You have made your own conclusions about it and it is indeed likely that your family have felt very hurt and betrayed in the past and do not want to get their hopes up now. For you, it is good if you can keep your own feelings and motivation separate and just focus on the gambling-free life you need and want for yourself. It will take time, but I think your new way of life will eventually bear fruit in these family relationships – people may not be able to believe your words just now, but your actions will speak as time goes on.
It is good that you have some sympathy and understanding for what they may have gone through. Have your family members sought any support for themselves? – through the Family and Friends Forum here or through GamAnon, for example? It might be worth letting them have some info, but not in a ‘pushy’ way, while they are feeling so sceptical. Concentrate on your recovery for now and I hope you will see improvements in relationships in time and your patience will be rewarded one day.

Best wishes,

Monique

[riverdaleboy]

Thank you Monique for your comments. I am totally focussed on what I want to achieve and that is total freedom from this gambling cancer that has ruined my life. I am pretty sure that I am strong enough to cope with the pressure that is put upon me by my family but I am hoping that my stay with Gordon Moody will help me gain more confidence in myself because my self esteem is so low at the moment.

[riverdaleboy]

Well here I am on January 3rd and I have not gambled this year. I know I am kidding myself in some ways because I have not had any money to gamble with. However I am feeling positive now and after reading several posts on here I finally feel as if I am not alone which has helped me enormously. I wish everyone a gamble free New Year and intend to keep this thread going to let you know how I progress.

[vera]

Happy New Year RDB!
I read your “Appeal” for early entry into GMH for residential treatment. I just hope the Powers that Be took note. You sound as if you are ready to take all they have to offer.
Gambling can only take what we give it . I have given it too much. ‘Seems as if you are in a similar position to some extent.
For 2016 , I intend giving gambling NOTHING!
I did that in 2010, so I know I can do it, as can everybody here on this site.
Saying “no money is the only reason I’m not gambling” is a bit self deprecating ,Riverdale! There is more to it than that. Let’s face it if we really want to gamble we WILL get money. Think about it. It’s clear that you WANT to stop. Keep that uppermost in your mind. The thought of gambling crossed my mind an hour ago. I could see an opportunity to go later tonight BUT I quickly shut off the thought and replaced it with “I won’t be gambling. It’s 2016”!
“Just because the monkey jumps off your shoulder, doesn’t mean the circus has left town” though, so stay aware! Keep posting.

[riverdaleboy]

Thank you vera for your kind words, I fully understand what you are saying about being self deprecating but I was only really protecting myself from the fear of failure because I know how weak I can be. Great to hear you had the willpower to say no when the urge hit you that must be progress I hope I can emulate your achievements. Have a great gamble free 2016 and thanks again for posting.

[maverick.]

There is always a circus very close by my friend as I am sure we all well know.

Take care riverdaleboy and stay strong I will share with you regarding friends and family over the next few days as always it will only be my opinion but I am always happy to share how I feel and how it honestly is.

Take care and speak soon.

Maverick

[female g]

Have you been before to Gordon Moody?
I have heard its a great place to learn recovery and hope it will be just what you need to finally succeed at becoming gamble free.
I myself have set a goal to remain gf for 2016 as well. Along with many of the cg’s here who participate in the forum.
Try to participate in some of the support groups here as well they can be very helpful as well.
I see you have had this addiction for a very long time and I am not sure what that means in regards to recovery. I myself have gambled for 15-16 years now and of course it has been a progression for me and I imagine for most of us.
I have given a great deal of money to this insanity and have really learnt to resent the casinos for this.
I have had times within these 15 years where I played very hard and years where I either stayed away completely or went very little. I didn’t believe or rather choose not to believe I had an addiction. This was part of my issue, it has only been within the past year that i realized I truly am more than just a problem gambler. i only went 3 time in a 6 month period but spent 35 hundred each of those times. I had in the past and for some time put all the barriers in place so was doing fairly well until one day I discovered a way to access money at the casino that I never had used before and was in real trouble. That is when I finally faced my reality and knew I could no longer take chances with my future with retirement not far in the distance. I came completely clean with my hubby and that was very humbling. I t was enlightening as well because I learnt that allowing myself to be that vunerable enabled me to realize that I can get help and all I had to do was ask for it. I also tried to teach him about this addiction enough so that he would understand that recovery comes with ups and downs and that I would never again make promises I could not keep. I would suggest as others have to bring those into your recovery that you can trust and work every angle possible to recover. Lock down every barrier possible so that you haven’t got any access to cash and that should be your first effort to even try to beat this addiction. We all know money just becomes a tool to enable us to do what we will with in a casino. on line bookies etc. ” NO MONEY NO HONEY” until we can control ourselves we need to implement all the controls possible. I hope this helps. I am not usually so long winded. FG

[riverdaleboy]

Thank you female g for your comments As you say I have had this problem for many years now and it has caused me untold misery and it took some courage to admit to myself that I needed help because I could not bring it under control. I have put as many barriers as I can in place including self exclusion and closing various accounts but the temptation still lives with me constantly. I do not understand why I have not learnt by my mistakes but it feels like a burning in my chest when I force myself to stop or have to give up because I simply run out of money. I am very determined that 2016 will be different so I can start to enjoy life again. I shall keep posting to let you know my progress.

[lizbeth4]

I hope that 2016 will be a gamble free year for you. I know for myself that support means everything with this addiction. Keep seeking support through GT. Have you tried GA meetings? They are not for everyone but you could give it a try and see what you think. We’ve gambled for years so it takes time and persistence to stay gamble free. You are doing good. Keep going. The urges will lessen and in time you learn what your triggers are and how to combat the urges. Stay strong and have a great day!

[female g]

so where are you at these past few weeks ?? RD hope you are able to remain convicted to not gambling. Let us know how your doing ok FG

[riverdaleboy]

ok here is my latest situation I have had my last session with my therapist and I am convinced that long term I can do this gamble free lifestyle with some help. The past few days have been difficult because I have had access to some money, however apart from a few small wagers I have not felt that I have lost control this time around Normally I would have gone the whole hog and been broke by now but I have been pretty positive and just fed my addiction with a few low bets I am not kidding myself yet that I have this under control and would rather have not gambled at all but one step at a time is it not I have a deep admiration for anyone that can stop completely and hopefully I can achieve that very soon but until that point I shall keep myself in check and report on this forum with complete honesty something I have not managed for most of my life

[female g]

we all want to believe we are better at controlling this addiction than we really are. Don’t be fooled this addiction is better at controlling us than we are at controlling it. Trust me and trust yourself . A few bets here and there will lead to bigger ones guaranteed. It took me a very long time to accept this even when I did believe it down deep. I just loved gambling so much that it was hard to accept I would have to get a divorce and never revisit this lover of mine.
Just this past Thursday heavy urges had set in and I had a internal dialog with myself for about 3 hours. I had gotten myself convinced to go. I could have called my hubby to come to my rescue but knew down deep this is where I must turn inward and call on my own strength . I finally had all the reasons why I shouldn’t go flood through me and began to change the conversation in my head. I then told myself I couldn’t go and that was that. I simply went home and felt powerful and at peace. I wasn’t going to tell my hubby about this episode but in the end I did tell him of what I had been through and how I fought through the urges and that i hope to continue to do so. You have the ability to do this too so try it and become stronger with every success you have ok my fellow cg. FG

[riverdaleboy]

I feel very disappointed with myself for having a few small wagers but then again I lost them all and that was a good lesson in itself. The difference this time is that I did not chase my losses and I don’t think that I have managed that before. This is a long road I do realise that but my determination is strong and if I can keep posting and chatting with other gamblers I will beat it. Obviously I shall need some professional help because I have been through these phases before and failed however I have never admitted I had a problem until last September when I contacted Gordon Moody so there must be light at the end of this dark tunnel for me.

[vera]

As a CG, I know I can never gamble “normally” again RD.
I crossed the line of no return.
It takes time for that to sink in. It takes trial and error before we surrender fully.
It takes daily effort and will power to get to the point of admitting we are powerless over gambling.
For me, having small bets never worked. It escalated fast . Gambling is a progressive illness. I liken it to giving a stray cat food. She/he will keep come back for more.
We need to starve stray cats if we really want rid of them.
You have achieved a lot by taking the first steps RD. I applaud you for that.
Try not to take any backward steps. They can lead a CG to the pit.
Stay focused.

[riverdaleboy]

Thank you for your words of wisdom vera. I must admit I felt that I had let myself and a lot of other people down when I had my little relapse. Perhaps I was just kidding myself that I could remain in control but losing is losing in more ways than just financial. I woke up this morning with a new sense of determination and will use that to move forward. I will keep posting as I said with complete honesty and with a little help I will conquer this mental drug that affects me.

[vera]

Talk is cheap for CGs RD (Also cheap for lots of “normals” too!)
Every word I say to others I say to myself also.
Action speaks louder than words. It’s easy to “talk the talk”. Not so easy to “walk the walk” but the time comes when we have run out of options. I’m sort of all burned out with gambling now but we all know that every CG has another gamble in us.
But have we another Recovery in us?
That’s the bit that scares me.
I don’t want to go like David Bowie “surprising people to the end” the media said!
I my case the surprises would be more like lightning shocks if they pick up my gambling tab after I exit this earth.
Gotta get a clean slate first!

[female g]

Well RD done of us are ever 100% sure we will get beyond ever gambling again that is why we must remain diligent and keep focused at all times. We aren’t infalable and we have to slip to sometimes to see we need to continually work at recovery. It has to be apart of our new normal I guess. Lets face it it was our normal for a long time right?? FG

[female g]

Well RD done of us are ever 100% sure we will get beyond ever gambling again that is why we must remain diligent and keep focused at all times. We aren’t infalable and we have to slip to sometimes to see we need to continually work at recovery. It has to be apart of our new normal I guess. Lets face it it was our normal for a long time right?? FG

[Author]

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