[abettertomorrow]

Hello,

I’m new here but posted a diatribe several weeks ago, I think 66 days I think before I felt I was a problem gambler. Feel free to look back.

Yes, it’s the classic case of fun time casual gambling becoming something bigger. I basically have not been hugely affected by it until now so today I start my journey.

I lost a decent amount last time, after winnings in my previous two times roughly $1000. I went and got help, understood my problem and all was grand. Didn’t touch it, barriers up, made peace with my losses and just thought it was a slippery slope that I did not wish to continue. I felt good and thought a minor flirt, nothing major.

The problem was, that was the worst day of my life, not due to the loss but I can pin point my problem was born.

Stopped for 66 days. Well done me. Tonight, triggers, pointless triggers….a huge well of cash that is available to me, we are talking big money so thought a little flutter won’t help. Dropped my blockers and went to work. Won a grand, lost it and then another $1200. Site self excluded me due to volume of cash lost. Will be in touch, $320 sitting in there.

Tried another place, dropped £1600, got it back up to £2500. Pretty much covered my combined losses with my other account where I shall get the cash back and what do I do? Well……we know the rest. Thankfully stopped at that dropped.

Wiggled some money around, all my debt is interest free and low and behold back up to £14k debt. Not from gambling, well, the last £4500 I can now safely stop kidding myself and know it is. The other was just other bad things that went on for a couple of years.

But yay, I earn good money. Interest free, will be out of this mess in 14 months. Drop int he ocean compared to the rest of my life and I really do believe that.

So why am I here? My last binge has put me off and I’m not even phased by it. I see a relapse as part of recovery and I’m more determined than ever. I understand my problem (like all gamblers, I cannot quit until I have lost it all). But also I’m lucky that while I have a huge resource available to me, and tomorrow doens’t change……I’m still me, I’m the same guy doing the same thing…….but with this resource, I do not spend it all. In fact it is less than 20% of what is available. So I do not have the thing where I will keep on going and upping the bet until it is all gone. Phew.

But my main concern is that I know I am an at risk gambler. By at risk is that I could go over the edge and go berserk. This is why I am here. To do this properly.

I feel support is a massive resource to draw upon and we all have a different story. Mine is one that really, look at gambling debts, it’s $4500 which is paid off in 4 and a half months. That’s it, no more gambling…lesson learnt. But I feel at risk of turning. Ruining my life. Throwing away a good career, good lifestyle, great family and friends etc.

I know this about me……

1. I won’t stop until I’m stopped, usually by running out of credit. Sure, I could have gone another $10,000 tonight alone but stopped when I kicked myself. That is a good sign and a sign this is a relapse and there are positives to draw from this.

2. I have strong barriers that need to be stronger.

3. I recognize my self worth, my positivity in the world and am a positive person, plagued by a sickness.

4. For me a $5 flutter will always become thousands so gambling is an avenue that should not be persued ever again.

5. It’s 14 months of budgeting, not saving, but I’ve been through worse.

6. It’s self inflicted……only I can stop this.

So please fine people of gamblingtherapy. Lend me your audience, let’s help support eachother.

Tomorrow is a new day. For that day I will not gamble. One day at a time. The days will become weeks, the weeks months and the months years.

I know what I need to do.

Will keep updating. Will help support others. We are in this together and together we can beat this.

Thanks

[charles]

<

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[charles]

Hi abettertomorrow,

I actually looked back and found your previous post, it’s on page 2 of the forum.

However long it is before you post next I hope you keep this thread running – just type in the box at the bottom of the thread and click save. That way all your thought and any feedback and support you get wil all be in the saem place. it’s also good that you can then read back on your progress.

You have titled this “Doing this properly…..” Great, so what re you doing differently this time?

A couple of quoates from your previous thread:

“……I never will, I am certain……..” “……..cannot see myself doing it again…….”

We have all felt like that. The “Never again” thoughts. The pain will fade though, the urges return. What things can you put in place befroe that happens?

You might find it useful to answer the twenty questions that they have on the Gamblers Anonymous website.
http://www.gamblersanonymous.org/ga/content/20-questions

Keep posting.

[abettertomorrow]

Hey, thanks for the comment!

Yeah, way for me to eat my words. I think I just underestimated how challenging this is. I’m just trying to remove all thought of gambling. Not reading loads of threads anymore and filtering out adverts. The main difference is I’ve improved my blockers.

I wanted to start a new thread only because I thought last night I contradicted myself. Fresh start, fresh challenge. Will stick to this one in the future!

Thanks again!

[abettertomorrow]

Thanks Charles, I scored 5 on the quiz. Was some interesting questions that were asked. I also forgot to add that I am replacing gambling with positive things such as gym, being creative, being sociable and just things that I normally wouldn’t have done due to gambling loss.

It’s funny but by taking steps I already feel a lot better. I feel positive, pro active and understand what a challenge this is!

Cheers

[Lastlaughtruman]

I think that of all the stories I have read on here, mine is most similar to yours. It is a challenge indeed, in fact it’s more than a challenge it’s life changing. Tonight for example is the start of the rugby super league and the six nations starts this weekend and the super bowl final on Sunday. I love watching rugby in all its forms and American football too… So I thought. Turns out that I loved gambling on these sports, watching them without a gambling interest is not actually that interesting. Maybe one day I might enjoy just watching but for now everything I would be enjoying watching on tv turns out to be a gambling opportunity, so no TV for me. And like you for me a $5 flutter is the first step to the thousand $ bets. I’m finding gambling has drove deeper into my life than I’d ever realised. Literally everything i surround myself with of an evening normally is an opportunity to gamble. Best wishes for your battle ahead, I am pretty certain we can do this my friend. Keep posting.

[abettertomorrow]

We do seem to share more than a few sinalarities! I’ve never done sports betting, don’t know enough to have a punt! It’s really the lure of the slots but as I’ve only done it a couple of times it got out of hand very quickly! Financially it’s a small set back but I just worry it might become a huge set back if I continue! As you, an intelligent guy and can’t work out why I spent so much on those two occasions! But draw a line under it and move on, forget the losses! I even look at it that if it has cost me $4000 or so dollars never to gamble again in my life then it’s money well spent. But of course, I need to make sure that is the last money I ever spend on it.

Feeling quite secure as my only vice is online slots, never been to a bookie or casino and don’t have the lure. I installed K9 and it’s brilliant. I cannot get on anything so think as long as that is on there, all is good! Positive, day two tomorrow! Can’t wait!

Keep posting buddy!

[abettertomorrow]

Seems on my phone that I cannot add a new thread so replying again!

Day two, been down the pub! Temptation everywhere. Didn’t look twice, had a great night and didn’t even think about gambling despite a couple of beers. Kinda reminded me of what life was like before this. Feeling good that if I can stare the flashing lights square in the face and not want to put a penny in, i’m doing ok. More determined than ever! Come home, just wanna play call of duty. No laptop, no K9 needed to save me. No urge, no desire. Cut the losses loose. This is my life to win back and if I’m drunk thinking this, which is normally my trigger tbh, I think progress has been made! Looking forward to day three! Nice tidy day planned, no time to think about the beast! ODAAT!

[abettertomorrow]

Hi all.

Went out again last night, more temptation but not for me so really happy. Woke up feeling really remorseful about getting into this in a blink of an eye and having a relapse after the 67 days. Feeling numb, but absolutely no temptation. More thinking about being in debt, which while has been added to slightly from gambling, I’m just waiting for the day to be debt free. I have my plan in place, blockers stronger than ever and know what to do instead of feeding the beast. Remorseful but hopeful. Feeling lucky I haven’t let it take over my life and recognised the problem after three sessions online. ODAAT.

[Lastlaughtruman]

Well done mate, your doing good. My mindset is in a similar place. I had a winning bet to pick up from a shop and I postponed it for today as to begin with I felt sick that I had to re enter this establishment. And nervous that I wouldn’t have been able to pick up my winnings and leave. Well I created a safety net for myself, chose a shop which I could park outside near town centre on double yellows. Parked up ran inside and all I could think about was don’t get caught on the double yellows (no parking) lol. Anyway I don’t think I needed the safety net, it was actually quite empowering just picking up the loot and leaving. Wasnt even an ounce of temptation. Got back in the car went straight into town and filled my cupboards full of food and bought some much needed things for the house. I bought healthy stuff of course as I now need a healthy body to help keep a healthy mind. My next mission is how quickly I can save back my losses, im currently giving my parents whom I see everyday at least £10 a day to keep hold of until I reach my Birthday in September. By that time I’d have easily saved my recent losses back and then go on holiday for 2 weeks a new person and over 6 months gamble free. I know my mentality tho, I’ve give myself 200 days to recover my losses @ £10 a day. I will be pulling out all the stops to do it under 100 days. It’s my new challenge, something to aim for, a reason to change, a new focus. I know I can only achieve this goal if I stay gamble free. Haven’t knocked back a single hours overtime since Wednesday night, I won’t allow myself an easy time of it. It’s my punishment for being a fool. Last time it was like I’d been jailed for 12 years, I thought I’d done my time but for re offending I’ve sentenced myself to a further 7 months, I might be lucky and get out around 3 months for good behaviour. I’m actually really enjoying my “new life”. I think it’s making me a better person. I’m spending more time with friends. I just hadn’t realised how time consuming my gambling had become. How’s your Sunday going? Keep safe and gamble free mate.

[abettertomorrow]

That sounds brilliant, well done! I like your saving mechanism and the double yellows, that is genius!

I’m doing exactly the same thing, spending more time with friends, enjoying myself a lot more. Have a busy day today but that is great. It’s all mind set and remembering that by not gambling, you are winning! I’d like to win every day so that is where I am at!

Going anywhere nice for holiday? Keep posting mate!

[abettertomorrow]

Day 40 approaches in two and a bit hours. Not been here for a while as I’ve found myself getting caught up in other people’s stories.

Set up blockers, received some support and 40 days on nearly, feeling great about everything. Money is being paid back, managed to get it all paid back by the end of this month. So back to square one.

Not had a single urge to gamble and now desensitised to gambling in all forms. 40 days of recovery have opened new doors and opportunities in my life and looking forward to a gamble free future. A great future, a positive future.

Not getting complacent as I know how it can come back, blockers always staying on for life. Will post again in another 40 days!

Take care!

[kin]

Hi abettertomorrow

Congratulation on staying clean for 40 days.

Good job and keep up the good work!

[abettertomorrow]

Hi all,

Just a quick update to tell you I am on 125 days gamble free and not had a single urge. For reasons I won’t go into, gambling is not for me and I do dislike the gambling industry very much, but that is largely due to my own weakness!

Life is far better, debts down to the lowest they have been in years, paid off by the end of the year. Trying new hobbies and revisiting old and living a far more fulfilled life now. No turning back as everything is positive having not gambled at all!

It was just a matter of tweaking my blocks and doing things differently. I have also altered my mindset away from gambling and I’m also petrified of the end outcome of gambling when it inevitably goes wrong. Finally, I simply do not enjoy it now and am happy to be off the emotional roller coaster. Lesson well and truly learnt, I for one can never gamble, no matter how small it is!

Stay strong people!

[Spidy]

Hi,

Great to hear that you are doing well. Gives me hope to get there. I am on Day 3. Life is definitely much more awesome without gambling.

Stay Strong 🙂

[abettertomorrow]

Hi all,

Quick update! 193 days since that fateful day. £3000 down chasing a loss of £1800 that day. The funny thing is, do I miss the money? Nope

I am a huge believer in self improvement and what resonates with me was the above person who jumped straight on my thread and asked what was I doing differently this time round? I took that as not only how are you stopping gambling and making changes, but a total life overhaul! I broke it down into several categories!

Money – well money comes and goes. Loads of ways to rational it. I could argue that I learnt a lesson or I paid £5k over six months to never gamble again. I paultry sum as compared to a lifetime of gambling that we could all face. The simple truth is, the money simply does not matter. It does however force us to address the serious points of gambling…….time lost, relationships, anxiety, shame, fear. Is that fleeting rush really worth giving all that up? I say no. So a quick review of finances and six months later over 8k of a 15k debt paid off, 5k due to gambling! I could argue my gambling debt is well and truely paid. But is the debt to myself, the sleepless nights and self loathing? I don’t have any of that now……but the two hours or so I spent gambling is nothing compared to the weeks and months spent anxious, depressed and typically not yourself. Money comes and goes……..it’s gone, accept it. Even if we win, it goes back in and more. It’s a self destructing roller coaster.

Negative emotions – well speaking out really helps. Asking for friends for support, loved ones, family members! Two of my friends know, they helped me no end. Just talking, especially in the early stages of recovery. Forums and chat rooms really help. Following advice (my initial thread showed what I do). I focuses on the time/money/location triangle and never let up. The funny thing is, from not having time to gamble, my life is filled of cool stuff, great people and great plans that are achievable! Gambling doesn’t get a look in. As for location, can’t gamble at home, have had so much opportunity in recent months to do it elsewhere but have not even thought about it. I just see these flashing machines, adverts on to and computer and a bookie on every corner as a product of a gilded generation and poison to society. How our government allows such a risk to people to be glamorised, accepted and promoted is beyond me. Yes, I was once a victim, but never again! I even watched a poor fellow human stuff nite after note into a FOBT at a service station today. I wanted to shake the guy by the head and stop him, but I just sat there and drank my coffee and left shaking my head. But I was THAT stupid once. As for money, I have always had full access to my own money, cards and accounts. Money being paid off quickly but the best bit is when deciding on a purchase I justify it by thinking, well what is £20 when you stuffed £3k one night into an online fruity! Take the £20 item, enjoy it because that is money better spent than gambling.

I suppose I have learnt a lot about myself. But it only works when you say enough is enough. I have stuck to that and always will. I hate gambling in all forms, even pass on the various office sweepstakes. Lottery is a no no, anything that is wagering money is off the table. In a week I celebrate 200 days. I do not feel bad about it anymore……it’s the past, the future is amazing but only if we are gamble free.

If you are reading this and want a better life, be strong and say no. Don’t give gambling a chance, give yourself one. It’s possible to quit, let the losses go, set up a plan and stick to it!

Will post in a couple of months. One day at a time…….it works 🙂

[charles]

A great post to read, well done on your gamble free time.

[Pea]

So good to read the success of your recovery. I love reading inspirational stories of people who make it.
You have done a great thing for your life, always keep your guard up this is a deceptive horrible addiction.
you are doing very very well, be proud of you

pea

[abettertomorrow]

Well another milestone passes! Day 200 is here! Thank you so much to Charles for his initial comment of “what are you doing differently” and making me eat my words after saying the usual gambler schtick of “never again” and “can’t see myself doing it again”! You sir are a gent and have had the single most impact! Not because I want to prove you wrong, but because you are right! I needed to step my game up and came to the realisation of gamble and bad things will happen to you, even if you are winning. Thanks to Pea for your encouragement also!

So day 200 is upon me and not a single urge to bet even though I could right now. That is how I know I won’t! My determination and constantly watching for Mr Gamble to try and get into my life again means he won’t! I still use blockers but having been released into the wilderness on occasions such as pub meets or whatever, I still won’t do it!

So much more to lose in life and the quick fix of dopamine is no longer worth it! I draw that feeling from family, friends, leisure activities that are character building and fulfilling, not destructive. Debt down to an all time low, only six months more to go for my own personal debt. Gambling debt was kicked into touch four months ago. If anything, it put my life in perspective and managed to sort things out.

Don’t gamble, it’s poison.

Take care all!

[abettertomorrow]

All good on the gambling front.

The thing that has struck me is all the benefits of not gambling. Debt now halved, had some great experiences, times, events, new friends, bought nice items. All not possible with gambling and opportunities that would have been taken away.

The most important benefit however is stronger relationships with those around me. I’m no longer an angry, bitter, uncontrollable mess that I was when starting this journey in recovery. Even fun to be around, can have a laugh and a giggle. Back to old me, gambling behind me and looking at a great future.

Marathon, not a sprint. Getting closer to where I want to be every day.

Stay strong people!

[Pea]

Well done again.. i just love your posts they are so encouraging and I have to agree about Charles and his encouragement. He has helped me many times with his advice and patience.
I cannot wait to say i am at day 200 not even at 20 yet lol…
Well done, you are living the gamble free life

Pea

[abettertomorrow]

Hi Pea,

Thanks for your kind comments! You will get there! I just found there are some important steps to take.

1. Accept your losses – enough is enough – the only way to win is keep hold of your cash

2. Blockers blockers blockers

3. Hate the gambling industry. See the bigger picture years down the line and imagine where you can end up! I hate gambling, I get a similar rush out of doing my daily life. I’ve got realistic goals and no longer look at gambling as a quick fix! Gambling sets you back, not moves you on and is a complex state of emotion which is not natural for any of us.

4. Reward yourself! Instead of pining over what lost money could have bought, I treat myself with items that wouldn’t be afforded had I continued gambling. And over halved my debt in 7 months and one week. Nothing can replace that amazing feeling!

I think we are all capable of change. Determination and honesty are two factors for me! I last gambled before being in my current relationship. I told my new partner about my rock bottom night and the gambling. She supported me and it has never been mentioned since. Aside from a casino boat cruse we went on where I didn’t gamble a penny! She totally understood why and commented how against gambling k am now! Another reason not to gamble! I’m not the lying or cheating type so couldn’t spend my time running around behind her back and covering my tracks! But even without her, I wouldn’t have done it again. I dunno, it’s hard to put into words how I feel about gambling. It’s not a temptation any more. I’ve always been ridiculously against drugs (never judge anyone obviously, each to their own) and I think I have dropped gambling into that category now. I guess it is a drug, dopamine?

You’ll get there Pea! Nothing wrong with a relapse as long as you learn and tighten to blocks. I did hit my rock bottom which is nothing like other people’s rock bottom I suppose. But each to their own situation and I nipped it in the bud before it sucked all of my funds. I could be sitting here £75k in debt, not £6k. There’s the bigger picture!

Stay strong….apologies for a bit of a ramble!

[abettertomorrow]

Hello all……..
Quick update, not gambled in 298 days. Debts down to just over £4k (was nearly £16k). Life vastly improved, been out there having a life, not stuck in my own self made gambling prison. Not had a single urge, still hate the gambling industry.

I think this far in and common sense over fear of complaceny take over and despite numerous ways and opportunity to gamble, none of it appeals to me! Blocks are actually not as strong due to moving to a new property and area (a positive move) and new places to gamble available. I think when I give it some though, I take myself out of my body and watch myself walk into a betting shop or worse still input my card details online and just see a different person now. In fact buying items this Black Friday on my card was odd as usually it would have been gambling sites that I was frantically putting my numbers into.
Do we get cured? No, I can never gamble. But the difference is now I have zero desire to gamble. I am better educated as to where gambling will lead. Winning and losing is both negative, you are never “up”, your problem is just prolonged. I’d rather work hard on maintaining amazing relationships, being great at work and replacing dopamine kicks with positive things happening in my life.
Quitting gambling was the best thing I ever did. I am a different person now, back to the person I used to be before gambling, but hell of a lot wiser!
Take care all! Abet

[Author]

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