[AdkMe]

Hi, my name is Rick. I am 35 years old.

When I was a child, I was introduced into the mysterious world of gambling thanks to rip (Bell Jar) tickets that were sold at a local carnival. My parents would purchase them and let me pull the tabs. Once I found a $75 winner, and proceeded to lose all that money that day.

Later on, I would find scratch-off tickets. As I wasn’t over 18, I was unable to buy them myself. But when I did turn 18, I would start buying them frequently from a couple of stores within a 10 minute bike ride. Soon, my graduation money was drained.

I started working, and my spending only grew as there was a bank in the store I worked at, and a lottery vending machine there as well. There were cases where I would spend 10% to 20% of my check during a break on these tickets, leaving me with little money. Overdrafting my account became a regular occurrence.

A racino opened with video slot machines opened in 2004 about 30 miles away from where I lived. It presented new opportunities for me to lose my money. With every losing ticket, with every bad spin, it angered me and made me want to do it again to get revenge.

After going to college in 2006 and acquiring my Bachelor’s Degree in 2010, I went on a downward spiral. I had better access to the racino because of a car. These extra trips down would result in me losing massive amounts of money, and with my bank account on the brink of closure, I had to do something to prevent my family from knowing about my troubles. So I started taking money out of the till of the job I worked at, and then processed fake returns in order to compensate the loss in my drawer. However, the company’s loss prevention started getting wise on what I was doing, and that resulted in me having to sit down in a meeting with them and the district manager one Monday afternoon. My theft was discovered, before I could get money back in the till to compensate.

I wasn’t arrested. I went home, and made up a story to my father to cover up the fact that I was fired for stealing. However, that story was discovered a month later when a notification from the State Department of Labor came in the mail.

I thought that was my lowest point, but I continued to go in my downward spiral. I continued to gamble, lie and steal, and added credit cards to my arsenal. Once the cards were maxed out, I failed to keep my funds under control, resulting in the bills not being paid. My accounts went into collections, my bank account was closed, and I had yet another difficult conversation with my father which I continued to lie.

When these conversations occur, I stop playing, but only for a couple weeks. Then the allure overcomes me and I go back to doing what got me in this mess in the first place. And now, because I couldn’t stop, I resorted to stealing from my father in order to fund my habit. My own flesh and blood. And he found out about it.

The anticipation these last few weeks before he found out Tuesday is what is leading me to this need for a better life. I need to change who I am. I don’t have a great image about myself. I don’t have great self-esteem. And I cover up my need for greater self-esteem through eating and gambling.

I’ve written enough. I need help. I need encouragement. I need inspiration.

[charles]

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Hello Rick and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[charles]

Hi Rick, well done on looking for help. When you read some of the other threads here you will see a lot you will relate to. You will also see the sort of thing that has helped otehrs to stop gambling, which of those things can you apply to your own situation?

Can you get yourself excluded from the racino? How about your father looking after your finances and keeping you accountable so you can’t gamble secretly?

There is a lot of gambling around these days, the good news is that there is also a lot of support around as well. Sites like this, places like Gamblers Anonymous, counselling and more.

As you ahve said, you have the conversations with your father, stop gambling but then return to it. That’s why it’s important that you start putting things in place now before the urges return. Show your fatehr by your actions that you mean it this time.

Keep posting and let us know what positive actions you are taking.

[female g]

so Rick we are here and we listen, give advice and try to stay away from gambling getting support when we need it.
It is a one day at a time to get through the urges we all deal with.
the best advice I can offer is for you to tell the truth to your dad and then have him monitor your funds. Set up payment plans to pay off depts.
I find it easier to deal with the urges when there is no access to cash.
Banning from casinos can help.
It sounds like there is a need to change alot in your life, since this has been a huge part of your life. Read about it and learn about addiction this will give you a better understanding of what your up against. Have your dad learn about this insane addiction too so he can help with your recovery.
Believe that you can change, but change takes commitment ,time and continual effort.
Forgive yourself and celebrate when you are gamble free.
you are on the biggest journey of your life and choices will be hard to make at times. We often get less concerned about what gambling as done to our lives as time goes by, be sure to not become complacient.FG

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