Hi bettie,
Well I just read your post. I have been coming here since Jan 2010. I hate to say it but I woke up on sunday feeling the same way. Again! I have felt so bad so many times but continue to end up at the casino just one last time. It doesnt work bettie.
This site has really been a great outlet for me. Its my only outlet as I have not yet shared my "secret" to anyone. Not even my husband of 30 years. I know from all the support and helpline that it is so important to tell the truth. Not just about the cg problem but all the lies that go with it. I will get to that point I am just taking a while to come to terms with just telling myself.
It is great that you have realized you need some help. This is a GREAT place to come, share, vent, and unload all those scary hopeless feelings that go with the gamblin binge.
My story is long as I am sure yours is to, but the bottom line is we both have a problem. A problem that can only be fixed by going through all the GA steps and that includes admitting we have a problem. For some of us it takes longer than others and everyones bottom is different. Bankruptcy, foreclosure, loss of jobs, friends, and most of all our dignity seems to be shared by all. So when I start thinkin I am not like everyone here, I am different, I remember how my life has spun out of control like everyone else here, and it isnt coincidence. It is the consequences of being a cg.
I hope you keep comin back and share. There are so many great people here to help us through this. It really is a great start for you so dont give up, dont beat yourself up any longer. I have learned that I should not think about what I have done but what I am going to do to move on and stop the madness.
Wishing you were dead is a scary thought. It freaks me out that I have gone there in my head more than once. Just remember that those same strong feelings are tellin you to make a change. Not next year or next month or even next week. Just for today bettie. Start today!
Best wishes.. my thoughts are definately with you and always keep my grandmothers words in your mind..
"This too shall pass"this to shall pass
