[ALew]

Today my debit card shows £4200 of pending transactions that is what i’ve lost today. In the month of april I have lost all £9000 I had saved toward a deposit on a house. The £4200 today was the last of it, every penny bar a £1400 pending withdrawal from last week. My backround Ive been gambling since 16 im now 31, started with fruit machines progressed to bookies, high street gaming shops and casinos and online fairly quickly. I successfully gave up for a year or two in this time after my parents found out about £7k of gambling debt and packed me off to a GA meeting. I went to one meeting and this was enough for me to give up for almost 2 years. I was put off by this one guy that had been going twice a week for 40 years and thought this can not be me, I dont want this, this stops now. Unfortunately as you grow older and earn more money the bigger the bets and when I returned to gambling I’d lose bigger amounts and quicker. For the last few years id live paycheck to paycheck utilising overdrafts, payday loans and credit cards but still managing to hide from all around me that demons from my past had returned. I managed to pay all this debt off eventually and packed off to Australia where my wages were double, I still gambled but not as religiously and managed to save £16k before returning to england in September 2015. Upon my return I bought a £9000 van outright £3000 of tools and lost the rest. Self excluded from what I thought was basically every casino/casino group out there, I thought my online gambling days were over especially with terms and conditions where they can refuse to pay if your self excluded from another casino in their group I thought thats it, dont have to worry about that any more, even if they make new sister sites theres no point if they can refuse to pay and id say im self excluded from 100+ so chances are they would. So since ive been back its just been service station £500 machines and FOBT in the bookies. Limited by my daily withdrawal limit and leaving any winnings in a stash at home where i couldnt access it I had this mainly under control. Being on relatively good money and working 6-7 days a week I managed to save over this period £9000 in total, completely debt free and adding £2-£3k to the savings each month, I also had a massive winning streak in this time where every service station i stopped at or every bookies i went too i won this was for about a month and made me think I was invincible, I could save a lot quicker if I was getting free money so lets keep doing it and this streak lasted about a month and ended up with £3000 in dvd cases at home and £9000 in my savings, happy days. Then came April, winning streak over, every where i went I lost 500 here 700 there 1000 etc etc etc until all of a sudden the DVD cases were empty and the savings were starting to slide. Not contempt with the £6000 odd quid I had left in my savings at the start of this week and what I had done to damage my progress I lost about £1500 in the bookies this week. Returning home one night I got on C******** and started scrolling for any casinos I might possibly have missed that I could sign up to and found 3 new sites with groups I hadnt played with before. First one almost lost £700 somehow got it back to £2k lost a bit cashed out at £1400 and set deposit wager limits to 0 and cashed out. But then yesterday the urge was there to claw back some more so deposited in to the new site lost 400 my bank got suspicious and blocked transactions so I left it. Then today I unblocked my debit card and lost another £2400 thought I dont like this site so tried the third and lost the last remaining £1800 in my savings doing £120 desperate spins on roulette, gone in minutes. Thats my story, 7 months of saving lost 80% in a few days and now I have nothing. My parents friends family they all still think I gave up about 7 years ago, Ive also been fairly vocal with how Ive been doing with the saving for the house, I cant tell the people around me theres now 0 it will destroy them. Its my fault im the idiot that did it and that is why i’m here today. Today is the day I never gamble again and if I have to bend the truth about how im doing with my saving when asked and work like a dog all summer until its recouped I will. But as it stands today, there are no overdrafts, credit cards, pay day loans or debt of any kind. The only money ive wiped out are my savings its bad enough but I still have my bought outright van, my tools, my improved credit rating of the last year and a good job and im not going to let my demons take them as well. I get paid £4000 on the 5th of which around £3000 can be saved, there is £1400 withdrawal in process from that first online casino which can be saved and around £500 in cash from bookie winnings at home to see me through till then. Thats a start to come back from, im not dead and buried yet, debt free and money coming in I can recover from this but I need to stop and I need to stop TODAY! So this is why I’m here, after my loses today i’ve been reading through these posts and relating to pretty much every one of them. Seeing people starting off with good intentions and failing but also reading the success stories, the hints and tips. As mentioned my relapse from many years ago is still somewhat hidden, so apologies for the length of the post but ive had a lot to get off my chest, a lot to admit to the world and to myself and for me at the moment the best way to do this is anonymously and with strangers, as I cant hurt the people I love with this illness anymore. Im not religious in anyway, and i feel this was one of the reasons GA didnt work for me I didnt like the praying and the bible bits so although I respect peoples faith, id appreciate any help you have for me to not be religion based as this drove me away last time I seeked help. So this is my journal and my journey and hopefully it will only be updated with good news and gamble free days, but this problem is not something I can keep to myself anymore as I cant control it alone.

[Urbansky]

Sounds like me only it will take me a life time to get back what I have spent over the years
How you doing hope it’s going well x

[charles]

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Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[charles]

Hi Alew and welcome to the forum. Which of the thigns you have read can you apply to your own situation? Have you got yourself banned from those bookies? Have you got a blocker for your PC to stop you visiting any gambling site?

Is there anyone you can confide in who could help you with financial barriers?

I wouldn’t rule GA out, I am agnostic and it helps for me. There are agnostic versions of the steps and serenity prayer that you can easily find online. It isn’t religious. Besides if one meeting helped you stop for 2 years then that in itself might be a good reason to try again.

Anyway, keep posting here and let us know what steps you are starting to take.

[micky]

Hi Alew just read your story, big positive in that you have no debts and that makes one hell of a difference in recovery 🙂 like charles says get your self banned and blocked and anything else you can think of that helps in any way . keep posting with your progress day by day , one day at a time my friend .

[ALew]

Thank you for your support micky, charles and urban. Had a successful week not gambled at all, hardest bit being every time I logged in to online banking and seeing all those empty savings accounts, thats where i was feeling the most temptation to try and claw back, but ive resisted as I know even if I win id keep chasing till I lost.

The cash I had at home ive just kept under £50 in my wallet each day and remainder and cards at home.

The outstanding casino winnings never got reversed and hit my empty savings accounts as soon as they cleared to stop looking at all those £0 balances.

I guess the toughest times ahead are from today as the £4000 wages was paid in this morning. Hopefully I stay strong and keep cold turkey, time will tell but im confident my anger and disappointment at myself will get me through this time.

Urban I may try GA again but I think I will try without first, if I relapse I will go, as I think that might be extra incentive for me not too right there.

Do any of you guys have any advice on where to put savings? This was my biggest problem was the accessibility of them. All my savings accounts are linked to my current account and are accessible from my online banking 24/7 with no withdrawal restrictions. I knew this was dangerous for a gambler and I think in the back of my mind I knew this would happen one day where I lose the lot. I did nothing about it and I lost it. Now im building them back up again the last thing I want to do is make that mistake again? just incase.

They need to be accessible to a point as within a year if I manage to not gamble I will be looking to access them to buy somewhere but not with the sort of accessibility where I can have them planted in my current account in seconds. Any ideas?

[charles]

Hi again ALew.

If you have been reading someof the other stories here you will have seen how accountability can help. Is there anyone you could talk to that could help you with this? There are lots of accounts out there where you money isn’t quite so accessible.

I used to stagger my money with varying levels of access. You are planning on buying somewhere in the next year? Then how about an account where you have to give a few months notice to access your money? You need some savings more readily available? Then a Building Society account where you have to visit the branch to withdraw money. No ATM or Internet access. Even the £50 in your wallet? Do you really need to carry that much on a daily basis?

We put a lot of time, effort and thought into our gambling. Put the same thought and effort in now and I am sure you can find a way to keep your money safe.

Keep posting.

[ALew]

Hi Guys

Just over 2 months since my post thought I’d update, its good news!

I havn’t gambled one penny since the losses described in the post. Not been easy, temptation is every where but i’m strong this time.

Savings are at £7k and still debt free, had I gone chasing the losses that month I expect I’d have a very different update for you.

Thank you for your supportive posts and looking forward to the next two months gamble free now!

[vera]

That is brilliant news ALew
Great to hear positive news
It takes a lot of effort to stay G free but its worth it all.
Just be careful with those savings
They can vanish in a flash
Can you make sure you can’t gain access if the «madness» kicks in?
One day at a time !

[Muallif]

Xabarlar