[i-did-it]

Hi there
I am writing this thread as a diary for me as was suggested to me by Charles in the group.
This is my diary which I am happy to share with others
However I am in a good place right now and I intend staying there .

Therefore :
If you wish to disagree with something which I have said is working for me please do so on your own thread
If you feel there is only one way through addiction please do not write about it on my thread
if you find labelling people ( yourself included) in some way helps you please do not write on my thread
If you feel the need to write something which I will in turn may feel the need to defend myself against please do not write on my thread

If putting others down makes you feel bigger please do not write on my thread
If you feel you are always right please do not write on my thread
If you need to have he last word please do not write on my thread
If you feel you have the right to judge me please do not write on my thread

If you have positive points or ideas to contribute please write on my thread
If you can remember things that worked for you even for a short while, please write on my thread
If you can remember thoughts that helped even for a short while, please write on my thread
Things that have helped you may seem trivial or unimportant but I have learned that in those early days those are the things that got me through minute by minute , day by day.

This thread is for me to celebrate my continued efforts toward self improvement. I hope to explain how changing some of my thought processes has helped me also .

We are the people who know what works and what doesn’t . We are the people who can bring new light to this addiction.
We are the people best placed to advise professionals on how to further advance treatment for gambling addiction .
We are the people who need to be heard .

[charles]

<

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[micky]

Hi just read through your thread lots of positivity and your being yourself which i think is very important in how others see us . M.

[Pea]

I like your thread

I like that you are positive about your recovery and doing what works for you. I think we all have to find our own way to get through this. What i love is about your treats, your new clothes, your hair.. gosh i look at my hair now and i need mine done too, its a mess. You reminded me about self care and the importance of it. My counsellor says to put the whip away and stop punishing myself.. i will try. its hard right now but il try.
i will follow your lead and the first thing i will do for me is get my hair done. That will be my first treat. 🙂

Pea

[Pea]

Thats it I’m getting out the nail polish !!!

Pea

[kathryn]

Hi I did it,
Your last post made me smile!

I agree with you, the little things make it.

I remember slowly coming alive again after being in action for many many years. While I loved it, it scared me a little because I had forgotten who I was.

These days, while life is no where near perfect, I know who I am, I like who I am and I’m doing my best to live the best life I can!!!
Positivity is contagious.
You gave me a smile this morning. Thank you!
I’m heading off on a trip today to the other side of the country. Very exciting. Would never ever had been able to do this if I was still gambling.

Small blessings!!!!!
Look forward to reading more from you!

K xxx

[Pea]

Hi there.

I really want to know the details of your hair. What did you get done?

Pea

[micky]

Your so right small things are achievements ,i cleaned some windows yesterday 🙂

[Pea]

Don’t be too hard on yourself. It does take time to start putting every area of our lives together. Cleaning is a strong point of mine but only because i am OCD. Everyone has different areas they are better in than others. Sometimes its just not the right time or the right priority for that moment. Start small. Start on one area only. Says me who just ripped the entire place apart.
But what helped me was when i started i just start in one room.
One drawer at a time. Even just watching tv.. sit with a drawer put 2 piles, keep or throw. Whatever you are keeping stick back in drawer and throw the rest. One drawer at a time, one area at a time, not all in one day. maybe one or two little areas a day.

Thats what generally works best for people accept when you are OCD like me and mental.

Cant wait to hear of the hair, i havent had mine done yet, cant afford it yet but soon. As soon as i can i am off. Chop chop.

Keep journalling, i love to read it

Pea

[Pea]

Hows everything coming along now?

Pea

[vera]

Great poem in the Poetry section I-did- it.

[charles]

Hi I did it, yes a great poem as Vera says.

You said this thread was about your continued effort for self improvement? I look forward to reading about the things you are working on in your recovery. The things that you think need improving and the steps that you are taking.

[Pea]

Well… I’m still waiting to get the hair done.. was going to resort to a packet but thought no… 1 it will end in disaster. 2 this is my treat

Pea

[Pea]

Hi i did it

Well i love your name because you have done it. I really liked that post. The change to your life sounds fantastic. i really understood what you mean about planning, while gambling its almost impossible to plan normal life and even shortly after like my brain now its still hard for me to plan.
My brain is still in the mush phase. Well done and thanks for inspiring. I want to do the same the little treats etc. Makes life sound so much nicer than just do not gamble etc…

Pea

[maverick.]

I did it,

Just been reading through your thread and I love your way of thinking and your energy for life, keep doing whatever works for you and most importantly keep enjoying life!

Take care and hope this finds you well.

Maverick

[micky]

Hi IDI i’m very well thank you and your doing really well too going by your positive posts, «We Are Doing It» 🙂 M.

[Pea]

Hi i did it

Just like your name says you did it!!! Wonderful that you are so positive and uplifted.. lovely place to be.
Hope to maybe catch you in chat some day soon

Pea

[lizbeth4]

Thanks I-did-it for your above post! It really hits home today!!!

[micky]

Love the post about saying no it’s a small word but can mean so much, «peer pressure» comes to mind when people try to convince you to do something you do not want to do 🙁 .

[Pea]

was so nice to see you in chat and no you did not hog it.. it was great. So good to see how life is for you now. You are doing great. Whatever way recovery works for you is good if its working so stick with what you are doing. Its true no one size fits all.. any way that helps us is our way..
So glad you are on the right path today and the sun is shining into your life

Pea

Pea

[maverick.]

Great post i did it,

It really does take people to all levels, I lied many times, cheated people, stole, begged, borrowed and alot more………I hate to admit it and it isnt really me at all but I did it and it was me I am embarassed to admit.

A very good friend who was also a compulsive gambler (now has more that 7 years gamble free) came up with this saying about what he used to do and I read it and think «never a truer word spoken» «I told a lie about a lie and then I lied about that»

Wish you well, take care and look after yoursel, this addiction has no limit!

Maverick

[Pea]

I did it.. i am so proud of you!!! That is a fantastic posts and you described it so well.. to tell your husband and then getting the password changed by your son i could see how brave you would have to be at that time.. that is wonderful. What a difference in that life to this life now it seems Two completely different lives hey..
I cannot believe myself either when i i look back and now i am only wishing i stopped earlier but there is no use thinking of what i cant change. Accept what i am doing now to change it and the wisdom to know not to do it again. Thats the serenity prayer for me.
I did it , it really encourages me to see the change you have made and also to read of the happiness now in your life. The further away from gambling the better and i love how you look at it as something in the past.. me too. So proud of you really am

Pea

[maverick.]

I did it, I just love reading your posts………and a saint you are I am sure, thanks for your post and kind words it means alot to me.

Really hope you are keeping well, take care of yourself and hope you have a great weekend.

Maverick

[maverick.]

I did it,

Great post and keep staying strong!

Remember «you only fail when you stop trying», take care my friend and hope you have a good day.

Maverick

[kathryn]

Well done!
What a great feeling to start something.
Even better feeling to finish it!!!!!
Gambling sure does suck the motivation out of us. I would sit, and eat. That’s pretty much it! Too focused on planning the next chance I would get to hit that venue.
The time we lose gambling is unbelieveable. I cannot imagine the hours I wasted, if I added them up. Not just the action of it, but the planning, the scheming, the all consuming thoughts that never went away.
These small steps are the start.
One step at a time.
One room at a time.
One day at a time!
Have a great day!!!!
Love k xxx

[Bee123]

Thankyou so much for dropping by my thread and leaving me a lovely post.
I have read through some of your thread and you seem so positive, which is lovely to see.
I have had a bit of a disaster tonight but, take comfort from your positivity and hope to get there myself at some point.
Keep up the good work x

[Bee123]

You are an angel. Want to thankyou for getting back to me last night with some encouragement, it was just what i needed.
Nobody apart from my husband knows my dirty little secret so it was good to have somewhere to go, to let it all out.
Hope you are having a good day x

[Bee123]

Good morning i-did-it
Just read on one of your posts where you said
I can’t let go of gambling cos i might win,
This is sooo me. I don’t even know why i think like that cos even when i win i give it all back. Even when i press that collect button you can guarantee i would go back the next day and the day after that until it was all gone, along with a lot more.
Winnings for me is just about more time to play and zone out.
Hope you’re having a great gamble free day, doing whatever makes you happy

[Bee123]

Morning i-did-it,
Hope the head’s better….hate those wine heads the morning after. Not as bad as the gambling head though.
It was a beautiful day here yesterday, sunny and warm for this time of year, but looks like we have your rain today. Unlike you i hate the rain, i would be happy if it would rain all night and be sunny all day, ha dream on.
That’s scary what you said there about playing at sites you were banned from, just show’s how desperate us gambler’s get if we are willing to risk that. Imagine winning a huge jackpot and not being able to claim it!
I haven’t gambled again since my last disaster, think it was a week ago now, whoop……longest i’ve gone in ages. Doesn’t really sound much but good for me and probably saved me a good few hundred pound.
Enjoy the rest of your weekend, headache free hopefully

[Bee123]

Good afternoon i did it,
Oooh go you with your cleaning. Bit of a clean freak myself, can’t cope with mess. I think i get it from my mom, she would go mad if there was a crumb on the floor. I’m one of 10 children and our house was always immaculate.
I find cleaning therapeutic…..good for stress ha, no wonder my house is so tidy.
You sound very positive and in a good place. This must help with your recovery…..i find the lower my mood, the more i want to gamble.
Keep up the good work x

[Bee123]

Hey there,
Still here, thanks for checking up on me. Been busy with grandkids last few days. They wear me out bless them. 2 and 4 years old, full of beans. Love ’em to bits , but phew you forget how much hard work they can be.
Working on the body sound’s great……with the help of a hunky personal trainer, even better, go you.
Off to eat tea now, then watch x factor. That’s my Saturday night this week.
Have a great weekend.

[vera]

I hope I’m not butting in or adding any negativity to your «Positivity» Thread, I -did-it», but I can’t resist saying I often wondered who that «beast in the corner» was too. To me «he/she» was always a bit of a cop out. The only «beasts» I ever met were the ones sitting in front of slot machines self destructing and I was the biggest of the lot!!!!
Would need to think about the other comments. Some make sense to me.
I’m delighted you were granted the privacy and dignity that all human beings deserve, (even the nasty ol’ CGS lol!!)

[charles]

To offer an alternative thought, if someone is less than honest about one thing, and people are aware of that, then it does of course give them cause to be wary as to the truth of anything else said.

[vera]

Again, not being negative but when we rule out honesty, we can begin to believe our own lies!! Just sayin’!
(Just realised I broke one of the T and Cs. «If you want to disagree write it on your own thread» Don’t know how I could have done this but I will delete this post if you want me to. No offence intended!!!)
In GA honesty is encouraged but «only if it doesn’t hurt others» or words to that effect. There is a big difference between being honest and being prudent!

[vera]

CGs live in Fantasy and Illusion. I guess believing you are size 8 is very different from believing we are NOT gambling IF we are. Where does the truth end and the lie start?
PS Wearing size 8 cloths, if they are half your normal size could mean you’d be had up for «indecent exposure» LOL
(Lots of CGS were found out in their lies–where would that leave us?? Another sort of exposure!!)
«To thine own self be true is my motto»
But if you want to say «I -did-it»—- (MY WAY?) —that’s up to you.
I hope it works for you .
Not my style but thanks for sharing.

[vera]

It doesn’t bother me a lot that you are using this technique, I-did-it. I am fully aware of why I wrote as I did but I won’t use your thread to expand on my views This is YOUR thread. Your recovery. Your life. I am delighted you are G -free and that you feel happy to share on this Forum. Most especially, I am delighted to hear you are rewarding yourself and your family with a weekend City Break. I wish you all the best in recovery.

[p]

Congratulations on your recovery. it is wonderful to witness after going along the bumpy road together.. well done to you.
Whatever way you get there is wonderful.. i tried your idea. I thought i havent gambled for ten years.. has a strange feel doesn’t it, i liked it… one day i hope to say it but for now, whatever works, you are happy you are free well done chickadeee

P

[charles]

Well done I did it.

No money = no gambling.

We all know that one. We learnt it when gambling and now we use it in recovery.

You now want to be mindful of what you eat? Well as someone who works in a place where the canteen is always open I can tell you that no money also = no buying extra, unplanned snacks, no buying sweets or wine on the way home from work etc etc

Not carrying money helps with the no gambling, it will aslo help you be that person who looks after your body. 🙂

[vera]

«A house is not a home», I -did- it.
I remember visiting a house many years ago. Everything was perfect. Like a 5 star hotel. Pale green and dusky pink were the height of fashion at the time. The blossom on the indoor plants matched the plush lounge suite and the leaves matched the carpet. A mahogany frame surrounded a family portrait . Mother , father and five «perfect»children. I was «gobsmacked» . As the evening wore on, the lady we were visiting announced that it was all a façade. She and her husband had agreed to end the marriage. She said «all that glitters is not gold». He was a workaholic and she was addicted to alcohol and drugs.
That was way before my gambling days. I didn’t «get it»!
I’m recently beginning to recall things that happened «before gambling took over».
‘Don’t know if that’s a good or bad sign?

[kpat]

Had to find your diary….
I thought it was you and she. I read your intro, well, I said to myself, «yessssss! There’s my girl! »
I have to go back and read it all later.
Just wanted to say hi! I’ve missed you and hope to write a little more often.
My home belongs to my still not dead yet dog and 4 cats. When the dog dies I will start trying to reclaim this place for the humans. Right now we have no slip rugs everywhere so the poor beast can get to her food and water and limp outside. She should have been put down last year, but she is Reub’s dog and he can’t bring himself to do it.
So no Christmas Eve party this year. The humiliation would be too much. Our long tradition is taking a hiatus until our lab walks over the rainbow bridge.

Hugs

[dchoye]

IDI,

I haven’t read your entire posts, but I applaud your courage to be here and helping yourself.

We cant do it alone when trying to recover.
There’s a lot of good resources here and at your local GA

Keep posting and let everyone know how you are doing
We all care.

God bless
DC

[maverick.]

I-did-it,

Its always good to read your posts and listen to your thoughts, you are a good person and I will always wish you well.

I hope life is treating you fair and all I can say is carry on doing what works for you, as we all well know we can only ever do what we know works for us and if it works keep doing it and if it doesnt than we try something else, simple as that, I am very happy you are doing well and enjoying your life you really do deserve it, as we both well know happiness can be so hard to find.

Take care my friend and like I say just keep doing what works for you, I wish you all the happiness in the world and keep sharing as your posts are a joy to read, all the very best.

Maverick

[vera]

In my experience, I -did- it and I hope this doesn’t sound negative, more than two things happen when I have » a small slip». The two you mentioned may happen but most likely a third kicks in i.e. I more often than not kept my «slip» a secret, decided to «deal with it my way» and before I knew it I would be back in action.
That , unfortunately is the nature of compulsive gambling. Once we start gambling, no matter how small the wager, how well we manage to conceal it or how seldom we gamble , the risk of «exploding» will always be there, but that’s only my experience. Yours might be very different.

[charles]

Speaking from my own experience I found that when people clearly knew I was being less than truthful, about some things, then they had no way of knowing when I was being honest. They therefore pretty much couldn’t trust me at all.

[Anonim]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I really appreciate your efforts and I am waiting for your next write ups thank you once again.
http://judipoker.asia , http://sohopoker.com

[worriedmama]

Thanks for your kind words. Hope all is going well in your world and recovery. It’s not easy on either side of the fence is it? We just keep putting one foot in front of the other and try to do the next right thing.

Wishing you a great gamble free day i-did-it.

Cathyx

[maverick.]

I did it, stay strong, hope the black cloud passes over as I know it will, the alternative is that sickening feeling deep inside that we cant get shot of for weeks, you are a good person with a good heart, keep fighting my friend.

Maverick

[vera]

It ‘s not uncommon for gamblers to isolate, I-did-it.
The bedroom is my comfort zone too. Casinos filled a gap for years but maybe the gambling problem goes deeper than we realise.

[kin]

Dear I did it

Instead of Isolating yourself, go watch a movie at the cinema

Fantastic Beasts is nice

[charles]

Well done on posting that I did it. Did you manage to tidy your room?

Well done on being honest about those gambling thoughts as well. Also on running the tape forward and knowing that NO, whilst it might provide a temporary relief, any «hour playing machines» would just end up like it has in the past – being a lot longer and a lot more expensive than intended.

At meetings we often see what is known as a «honeymoon period.» People come to meetings, the pain is still relatively fresh, they feel really good about finally being able to stop, see the immediate benefits etc etc All is good.

Then it may be a few weeks later, it may be a few months later, that pain has faded a bit, the initial elation dies away as well and life is….. well life is «normal». What happens then? That’s when the urges can creep back in.

Maybe that’s what’s happening here?

How are you filling your gamble free time? You have talked about self improvement, what thigns are you looking to improve? How are you planning to do that?

Abstinence is important of course, what we do then though is what recovery is all about.

I hope you managed to get out of bed and tidy your room, let us know how it went.

[vera]

I-did-it, Red Wine can be a bit like gambling. It can lull us into a false happiness……..
Just sayin’!!!!

[charles]

Hi I did it,

A couple of thouhgts. Why did you stop drinking alcohol 3 weeks ago? Whatever the reason aren’t those reasons still valid?

When you were researching the thigns that wine is supposed to be good for I presume you would also have found out the recommended safe drinking levels?
You are an adult and can make your own decisions but a couple of glasses a day, with the size of glasses these days, will be well above those levels. I’m not judging, just giving a word of warning from someone who spent time in hospital from having those «couple of glasses a day.»

It’s not uncommon for people to switch from one unhealthy coping mechanism to another.

Why not a couple of glasses of wine a couple of times a week?

[vera]

Good for you I-did-It for taking on board the points that were made regarding the wine drinking.
Only you know the exact amounts you drink/drank, but I think drinking is a bit like gambling. We justify our actions surrounding the activity, saying «it’s only a bit of fun/everyone does it/it’s «my » time/I’m entitled to relax with what makes me happy/sure there’s no harm in it/I will quit if it gets out of hand etc etc etc».
Two things stand out on your thread, I did it ( NOT being negative. now!)
You mention hangovers quite a bit.
Also. you mention times when you «intend not drinking, but end up drinking»!
I would see these two things as warning signs.
It may be documented that alcohol is helpful in certain medical conditions but I think the ill effects are also well known. We hear the things that we want to hear.
It is also well documented that withdrawal from alcohol causes many symptoms with depression and irritability high up on the list.
As a compulsive gambler who doesn’t enjoy alcohol, I sympathize with anyone who»enjoys» both. For me, alcohol would certainly give me a great excuse to gamble. I could blame «being under the influence» as a reason for gambling «off guard». I notice quite a few CGs on this site relate «slipping» when drunk. It stands to reason that our judgement will be impaired and our defences will be down when we are «jolly».
( Just think of what happens at Christmas office parties…)
That’s my two pence halpenny worth.
No judgement! No negativity. Just facts.
Anything that stops «being fun» should be given closer scrutiny.
Believe me I did it, I speak these words to myself even louder that I do to you.
Why not add a splash of wine to 7up when you are in social settings. I see a few friends of mine doing that.

[charles]

Good awareness and good choice I did it. Enjoy your gamble free weekend.

[vera]

Don’t overdo it now!
You don’t want your house looking like a casino.
It might attract the wrong type!
Just home from shopping myself. Thinking too, that not gambling brings a sense of peace instead of the panic that used to rise up in my chest at the check out in every store.
The shopping centre was very dead. I never saw so few people shopping. Wait ’til next week!

[charles]

Ok, so I guess the answer to all of those questions could be yes………but only if you let it! 🙂

What do you want to do? What things have you enjoyed doing in the past but let lapse? What things have you never tried/done but now want to? What things that you haven’t yet thought of are you going to fall in love with doing?

We can’t replace the massive highs that gambling sometimes gave us, we don’t get the deep, deep trughs either. You will find other things and find a new balance.

[vera]

When you visit a friend, I- did- it, what stands out? The hospitality or the «perfect house»?………………
Having said that, I hear you on the need to have a perfect home. I think its an «order versus chaos» issue. Gamblers are often «all or nothing» people.
Why not keep one room for the junk and the rest just «homely» ( says I, who has five «junk rooms»)!!
I would hate a stranger coming in to clean my home. I wouldn’t say no to a fairy coming with a magic wand during the night though, then disappearing . Why not get the family involved in the everyday chores to prevent things building up? You live a busy life.
I also hear you on holidays being stressful. If I’m going away , I like to come back to a clean house, so it causes a bit of panic to get everything done before we leave. «First world problems»!!! Many people would trade an untidy house for a home with joy and laughter, I did it.
Enjoy your weekend break.
Go easy on the vino and remember,
A house is not a home!

[charles]

Well done on coming here and posting I did it.

Read, in your own posts, all the positives that stopping gambling has brought you.

Why not get rid of that account? Maybe make that £70 accountable?

Hopefully see you in a group later.

[vera]

Can you put a blocker on the phone/laptop you used for that gambling attempt, I -Did-It?
I keep my bank account empty in case any «hackers» get my money.
We are all our own best «hackers» when we gamble.
I trailed a long distance to the city to Women’s GA tonight. Only one other member turned up!
‘Glad I went , though. I love the city at night.
Lots of casinos flashing but they were wasting their time. I left my money at home!

[vera]

These are the facts of life we were never taught , I-did-it.
Keeping to a healthy diet and walking every day would save you the cost of a personal trainer.
No defence against ageing, though. I guess we just have to «accept the things we cannot change»!
Having said that I know some very beautiful old people. I love faces with character. The botox golden girls look like cartoon puppets . I’d rather have a real baggy face than a plastic one that cost ten grand.
It’s good that you’re looking in the mirror and wearing high heels.
Things we wouldn’t dream of doing if we were engrossed in the»buzz».
Better to grow old gracefully as a recovering CG than disgracefully as a active gambler!

[vera]

Great to hear you are more or less stress free this Christmas, I did it.
Gambling is the last thing anybody needs at Christmas, yet it features hugely in many «normal» lives i.e. big racing events on St Stephen’s Day. Never an attraction or me, but I know lots who look forward to those events. They are not CGs.
Curling up in a casino to unwind would be my poison (typical post Christmas/CG behaviour) but now that we know the antidote, we have no excuse to partake of the poison.
You paint a lovely picture of a glamorous woman swanning round the house, beaming at everyone or sipping coffee in the shopping mall as you decide on your last minute presents. (Do you have a maid and a chauffeur? lol!)
My Christmas scene is slightly different. Up to my elbows in the kitchen will be the Main Act for the next few days.
Most of the presents are wrapped. «Under the tree» items will be distributed to immediate family who are here on Christmas Day (I won’t be chasing the absent member).Turkey and ham waiting to be «prepped». Cake iced. Puddings in bowls (All ready to re boil ‘n serve on 25th)
Hubby outside hammering felt on the roof of the shed before it blows off completely. (It was a stormy night)
I have a «to do» list for today and tomorrow.
No hair do or manicure included.
Oh! to be young and glitzy!
Beats being broke and shabby.
I have a wardrobe of clothes that don’t fit me.
Roll on 2017 for the compulsive dieting!

[Jonny123987]

Killer work I Did it! Being gamble free isn’t easy but feels much better than gambling. I wish you a happy holidays!

[Jonny123987]

Hey I Did It! I hope the 24th is treating you well. Congrats on the dinner out this year. Cooking a feast is fun but always a pain to clean up. But I love getting together with family during the holidays.

I’ve been a sports better for over 20 years and I’ll tell you it is a very tough one. I haven’t watched sports in over a week. I wonder a little if I like sports as much as I think I do if I can’t gamble on them.

I don’t have cable either which makes it easier not to know whats going on in the sports world.

I used to think that gambling on different games meant something. I would think sots would be a tough thing to stop But the truth is ALL addictions are hard to stop. The rate that people do actually stop something once addicted is pretty low statistically. It takes at least 3 months to change a habit. The problem for us is that we can’t stop thinking about all the losses and we can’t just walk away. We NEED to get that money back. So we gamble more and more for more and the casino eventually takes us. I’m rambling… The meds are strong for my back. 🙂

[vera]

Maybe the reason your family don’t see much difference, I did it , is because you protected them I know, I did with mine.
All the suffering was self inflicted.
Those days are gone now, so just for today
HAPPY CHRISTMAS!

[Jonny123987]

Nice poem! 🙂 Merry Christmas!

[charles]

Then I look forward to your new thread IDI.
Maybe a Positive actions thread. Even a kick myself up the butt thread. Have a good New Year. Things will be different if you do things differently

[vera]

«When I change, everyone changes»!

[vera]

Read the post you wrote on 28th December, I did it.
The end of the year can be a lonely time.
I re -posted the poem I wrote on December 31st 2014
Have a read!

[vera]

I notice a lot of your posts have vanished, I-did-it?
EVERYTHING OK????

[i-did-it]

Thank u for noticing Vera.
Honestly sometimes it feels like I am
encouraged to write a thread and then it is used to as a stick to beat me with
Posts are my thoughts on a particular day
They are not «the gospel according to I-did-it»
I don’t like having my thoughts from maybe last October quoted back at me so someone can score a point – as how I feel about many things changes
I may not feel the same the next day /hour never mind months later

And I just wanted to write and treat this like a diary rather than something for people to pick apart or analyse or use to prove me wrong or to prove me a liar !

So yes I have decided no thread for 2017 for me!

[vera]

Does that mean, nobody is to use THIS thread to offer support?

Do you want to keep a record here on GT, where you write your thoughts and feelings , with no interjection from other members?
That’s acceptable if you do.
I doubt if anybody here wants to «pick apart» or «prove you to be a liar». Maybe that’s a bit of an over reaction.
In Support Groups issues are often raised that may be a bit too near the bone for some people but I don’t think any of the CGs here are in a position to «throw the first stone». Do you?
Tell me if I am out of order and I will squiff this post.

ps. Unlike you, I DO like having my thoughts quoted back to me. It gives me time to reflect on how my thoughts and indeed feelings can and do change.
Feelings! AH! That can be a bit more tricky! If I were to act on my feelings, I might be in trouble. That’s why I need to rise above feelings and fall back on sound judgement and reason.
These are the bedrock of Recovery, I -did -it.
Thoughts and feelings change like the wind.
Sound judgement keeps us stable.

[i-did-it]

«I don’t like having my thoughts from maybe last October quoted back at me so someone can score a point »

I have not had your experience about too close to the bone – so I cannot comment .

Vera I think sometimes we all need to face up to stuff .
However , support is meant to be support .
We should not feel judged – we should feel supported.

Often I feel I can’t write openly on my thread because of that judgement – so i guess if it’s not honest what’s the point in writing it. An example – I would not claim to have a perfect marriage but we work at it , we are still together and as the years roll by we have a depth of connection that others may not get but we get it! I find I have to defend my marriage in groups because of maybe something I wrote months ago on my thread, perhaps during a blip ( and most «real» relationships have blips ) . I say something about my husband in group and someone accuses me of giving them mixed messages about my marriage because Of my thread – I think my marriage is really none of your business and if u are so focused on mine It sets huge alarm bells off as to the state of your own-!! there’s a lot more to being honest in a marriage than whether someone gambles or not !!

I understand others may have had very different experiences- others may not have had the experience of feeling judged rather than supported .

So I guess yes , I have felt my thread has been used to prove me to be a liar in groups ! If they had been called «judgment groups » rather than support groups I probably would have avoided them !! This is my experience and as such is it valid for me !

[maverick.]

I-did-it, I hope this finds you well, just wanted to drop in say hello and send you my well wishes, like you so rightly say and I agree I honestly believe all marriages need working on…….I know mine has, is and will always have to be and I believe that’s just life……….like a well known saying I loving quoting «show me the perfect person and I will show you a liar», as always this is only my opinion but people who say they have a perfect marriage and never have any disputes I would find very hard to believe but hey if they do then great!

Likewise again only my honest opinion but I believe many marriage’s break up because people don’t want to put the work in to make them work (please no one quote me on this) as I also know many marriages break up for various different reasons that I totally understand why.

What I am trying to say I-did-it (in a very long winded way) I agree with you, I don’t have the «perfect» marriage (whats the perfect marriage) and I have to work at it just like you, but I do have the women I love and that’s all that matters.

I don’t really know what’s gone on and that’s none of my business I know but all I can say is what I do, listen to all, take the bits that are useful, good, helpful and healthy for me and leave the rest I don’t want.

Really sorry to hear you are feeling judged but please keep posting and sharing your thoughts, like many journals on here I love reading yours, plus you never know when something small you share (unknowingly) may give hope to another soul.

I-did-it, hope you have a great weekend and remember «what other people think about you is there problem, not yours»

Maverick

[lizbeth4]

Hi i-did-it, I hope that you will keep posting here. I think it can be very useful to you and others. I had a situation here, sometime ago where I felt like someone was judging me by something I posted on my thread. I was upset and felt violated as I thought this should be a safe place to post my thoughts and feelings. In short, this person didn’t know me and I felt that they were deflecting from their own issues by tearing apart my words. Don’t let someone else’s unwanted opinion stop you from posting here. Have a great weekend.

[i-did-it]

Thank you Mav and Lizbeth – your posts have really lifted me -and here I am once again writing my thoughts on my thread .

I called this post «please don’t rain on my parade»
When I’m doing well I don’t want your «buts» under the guise of support
I don’t want your «howevers» under the guise of challenging me
I don’t want your «my way only » under the guise of helping me
I don’t want your superiority because you made it

This is my recovery – it’s about me
This is my recovery – it’s not about how wonderful you are
This is my recovery – it’s not about how great your life is
This is my recovery- it’s about building me up not shooting me down
This is my recovery – I want positivity – keep your negativity for someone who wants it
This is my recovery – let me enjoy it without your putdowns
This is my recovery – let me live it without your judgement
This is my recovery – mine mine mine

This is my recovery – if you feel the need to tarnish it – perhaps u aren’t working your own steps as well as you think u are !

[micky]

Hi i did it great post. This is my recovery don’t rain on my parade , it’s a very honest and uplifting post well worth reading for anyone in recovery 🙂

[micky]

Hi I-did-it nice to hear from you hope your keeping well in your recovery 🙂

[Muallif]

Xabarlar