[Just26]

Hi everyone, I’ve signed up immediately after just losing £6126.

I’m a 26 year old female. Finally have my dream job and have just moved in with my partner. Life literally can’t get much better. I didn’t know I had a gambling problem till about 10 minutes ago.

I enjoy watching sport, so I often put on the odd £5 coupon on the football at the weekend. I never usually bet over a fiver at a time. I clocked off work early today, and having enjoyed the roulette tables at the casino a few weeks ago I thought I’d pass some time by playing the william hill version.

I was at one point £700 up. A few hours later I find myself over £6000 down. I don’t even know how that happened and I am utterly distraught. Where do I go from here?! I can’t stop shaking and crying, it took me years to save that money. I just kept thinking I could win it back. That money was for me and my partner to move to a bigger place next year. I’m in complete disbelief.

Any advice you could offer to help me overcome this will be so appreciated.

[charles]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[charles]

Hello Just, well done on looking for help so quickly.

You are not alone with a gambling problem; read the other stories here and you will see many similar to your own. You will also read the success stories – what are they doing that you can apply to your own situation?

You are naturally in a lot of pain right now – use that pain. The money hs gone but put as many thigns in place now, while you are hurting and don’t want to gamble, then you will be prepared if/when any urges return.

Get a blocker for your PC and phone. Put some financial barriers in place so that your access to funds is limited in the future. Talk to your partner, they can help with some of those barriers.

It is never easy to tell partners etc but what does make it a little easier is to not just present them with the problem – show them by your actions what you are going to do to tackle it.

You can nip this in the bud but there is no return to «normal» gambling I’m afraid. No return to those fun £5 bets.

Try and connect to the groups here as well. The next one satarts shortly and there will be someone to talk to right up till 10pm this evening (UK time)

You can stop gambling I promise you, there is lots of help available these days.

[vera]

Hello Just26,
I have arrived home from a GA Meeting this minute and when I read your post, it took me back to March 2015, when I deposited money with an online casino and to my horror, my retirement fund was wiped out before my eyes.
Gone.
Never to return.
I know exactly how you feel. I stayed in bed for a week shaking in shock and disbelief too.
I couldn’t see beyond the loss.
Then, a member of this site, sent me a message. It said
«Make a plan»
The Plan was to save a sum of money every week/month in an account that I could not touch…of course it also meant my gambling days had to come to an end. I already had a six figure debt after many years of gambling which caused me to retire on disability due to illness caused by stress and now my «lump sum» was gone!
Fast forward to June 2017.
I slowly watched the Plan develop. Month by month it grew. On the 12th of June I will be recording here that I now have a 5 figure sum restored. Still not the full amount that I threw away but enough to provide the security I need.
I’m telling you this to help you to recover from your shock.
When the terrible pain subsides (it will take time) get that PLAN set up.
By Christmas you could have half your money back but ONLY if you stop gambling now.
Keep posting.
You will get lots of support here if you do.

[Just26]

Thank you both so much for your replies.

I guess the thing I am struggling to come to terms with is that I have gambled for years without ever getting carried away. I go to casinos and I find it easy to know when to stop. I dont get ‘urges’. I literally have no idea what came over me today. Do I even have a gambling problem? I have no idea.

Telling my partner at the moment is totally out of the question. How would he ever forgive me? I certainly would find it difficult to understand if he had just blown 6000, given that were not exactly flush with cash to begin with. This is something I need to fix on my own, and maybe it’s something I explain to him once there is light at the end of the tunnel perhaps?

I’ve frantically tried to think of ways of how to earn at least some of the money back (other than gambling obviously). The more I can’t see a way out of this financial hole the more I panic. I was just about done with paying off credit cards I’d racked up over the years, I’ve put myself back to square 1 and I’m so angry with myself.

Thanks again for your comments, hearing other people’s comments really help. I know people are in way more trouble than losing 6000 but in my little bubble that is what I have to show for 10 years in employment and it’s broken my heart.

[kathryn]

Hi Just26,
The time to take action is now!
While you are feeling low. Put up some barriers.
I know you are in shock, these feeling will subside however so now is the time to do something to ensure you are safe.
The first thing that comes to mind, which is probably the hardest thing to do is tell your partner. You need to limit your access to cash. No money = no gambling. Could your partner take hold of your accounts?
You are 26…..with your whole life in front of you. Don’t let this addiction take over your life. Theres too much to lose. You have made a brave step coming here, its not easy to admit you have a problem, tackling it now and getting barriers in place will ensure this doesn’t escalate.
Use the helpline, its a wonderful source of support, suggestions, ideas on how to take a control back of your life.
The money………..its gone.
The sooner you realise that, the better. Cut your losses now.
Life is too short for a young girl like you to be wasting it gambling. Keep reading and posting.
Take care, K xxx

[kathryn]

We must have been posting at the same time…..
Our secrets keep us sick.
Maybe there is a friend you can talk to. It helps to be accountable to someone. Whether its $6000 or $6 million is irrelevant, if it is affecting your life, your well being and sanity there is a problem.
Take care, K xxxx

[Just26]

No friends close enough that i would trust with this devastating secret to be honest. I was hoping to use the online community as my source of support.

Okay so here’s my plan. These are my current debts as it stands:
Loan (20 months left) = 2000
Credit card = 6050

I currently have savings in an ISA of 1950.

My plan is to pay off part of the credit card with my savings taking it to 4100. Take out a loan for 6100 and pay all outstanding debt. My aim is to clear debt as quickly as possible, so I will pay monthly payments of 259 for 2 years. This leaves me with a disposable income after all bills paid of 532. This arrangement still allows me to save 350 per month which will give me 10800 of a house deposit for when me and my partner decide to move to a bigger place in around 3 years.

I like to have this all written out in front me to help me realise that this is possible. I have also deleted all betting apps on my phone and in the process of contacting them to have me excluded. I actually can’t believe it has come to this.

What do you think? A sound plan? Am I missing a trick here?

[vera]

Well done, Just 26!
You are not thinking of «winning» back what you lost.
I would suggest that you go to StepChange or MABS where you will be given professional assistance and advice with your finances.
I already had accumulated HUGE gambling debt which I pay monthly. The PLAN was an extra emergency measure to prevent me from going off my nut when my lump sum disappeared into cyber space.
First of all you need to realize that gambling is not about money.
The problem goes deeper than that.
If you are only 26 and have so much debt you need to ask yourself and answer honestly, how much of that debt was created by gambling?
Secondly, does your partner know about this debt and does he know you gamble?
As Kathryn said » secrets keep us sick». In fact gambling addiction thrives on secrecy. The danger for a CG saving money secretly also means we can spend it in secret. Every time I wanted to gamble , the first thought always was «Nobody needs to know». Because gambling is a progressive illness which creeps up insidiously, the sooner we bring it out in the open, the better chance we have of overcoming the problem.
In reality, a CG cannot handle money in the «acute» phase of our addiction.
Stay close to this site.
Use the Open Groups and the Helpline where you can speak to the GT Staff. I am only speaking from my own experience.
Yes I know why you are saying you can’t believe it has come to this but in years to come you will look back and be thankful that things came to a head early in your life. Believe me, gambling can ruin not only the gambler’s life but all who come in touch with us.
Would you consider telling your partner you need help with your gambling issue, without going into the finer details?
The sooner somebody knows you have the problem, the better chance you have of not destroying your life.
Keep posting!

[Just26]

So some time passed and I finally started getting over the shock of losing such a huge amount of money. Payday is next Friday and I am just about getting by. I was In the process of closing all betting accounts, I had one final confirmation email to send to william hill that I admit I never got round to. In my wisdom, I thought, what’s another £10 on the roulette machine. Why did I do that? Why am I causing so much pain for myself?

The worst thing possible could’ve happened with that £10 deposit. I actually won £2500 and talked myself into walking away at that point. This was on Friday night, so it would be about Tuesday before it actually reached my bank account. I then started getting into that dangerous way of thinking, telling myself that maybe I could actually win back that lost £6000. So I come home tonight and I reverse the withdrawal and low and behold it’s gone.

Where do I go from here? What do I do? I don’t know how to battle this and it’s causing me so much pain.

[vera]

Back to the Drawing Board, Just 26.
Nothing ever changes in the gambling world. except for the worst!
You need to apply some of the advice you have been given before you lose more money.
Can you ask your partner to handle the finances?
It will give you some breathing space.
Gambling overwhelms us to the point where we see it as the only solution to our problems.

[charles]

Hi Just26,
Where do you go from here? Carry on and finish the things you were doing. Have you finished excluding from all sites now?
What financial barriers can you put in place before payday?

Keep posting.

[kathryn]

Gambling addiction is progressive.
When I first started gambling I used to go with my mum once a week with a tiny amount of money and we would sit together and have a lovely hour or so.
I don’t know when that changed for me, it doesn’t matter really but the longer I kept the secret the worse it got. To the point where eventually I had to come clean to my husband and we had to sell our house to cover the gambling debt, which by the way still wasn’t enough for me…..I then proceeded to gamble away the money that was left over until we had nothing.
When I came to this site screaming for help I took every single bit of advice given to me by the members here. Yes, it took a little time because in truth I really didn’t want to stop but I knew that if I didn’t I was going to lose what little I had left, not to mention my family who I had already put through so much.
So I bit the bullet, went to GA, self excluded, gave all finances to my husband and told him that whenever I bought something I would give him the receipt.
That was 8 years ago. My life is far from perfect, we proboably will never own a house (something that took me a long time to accept) BUT………I have my life back. I can breathe and think clearly, I am present for my husband and my children. The bills are paid and what debt we owe are debts we have accumulated together. No more lies. No more feeling sick. I wont say I haven’t gambled in the last 8 years, I have tested myself. Half a dozen times I would say. My self exclusion is my saviour. I simply cannot gamble.
Telling my husband was the most horrific thing. I KNEW he was going to leave me and take the kids.
I was wrong
He stood by me. While he didn’t understand, he didn’t need to. He just let me do what I needed to get well.
I wish I could say that you can do this by yourself, with no accountablilty to anyone. Unfortunately, the longer we hide our addiction, the better we get at it until there is no option but to come clean, and for a lot of us here the damage to our bank accounts, to our family and to our life and sanity is off the charts.
You proved to yourself that you cannot gamble like a ‘normal’ person.
Do something now, you are so worth it.
Love K xxx

[Muallif]

Xabarlar