[jenn86]

I am addicted to gambling. If someone asked me a couple of years ago if I could ever see myself here, I would have laughed at the thought. Sure, I have had my trials and tribulations in life, but I have so much to be grateful for. I have a wonderful family, a husband who loves me (at least the side of me that doesn’t gamble), a beautiful son, an education, and a career I am proud of. My life should be wonderful, but it is anything but that. The confusing thing is, I cannot say why I am addicted to such a senseless activity. I am an intelligent person. I know better each time I even think about gambling. It is such a stupid idea! Yet, I do it anyway.
I am depressed. I cannot say whether I gamble because I am depressed, or if I am depressed because I gamble, but the fact is, I rarely find the joy- the instant gratification- that I find when I win. All other feelings are void to me now. The sad thing is, I have won large amounts at once, and then blew it all within a couple of days. I could have gotten myself out of this hole (at least financially), but I just keep going, going, going…until it is gone.
The non-gambling me has an honest relationship with a man who cares for me deeply. After discovering my gambling problem, once…twice…three…four…times, my husband has lost his faith in me. All respect for me is gone, and I don’t blame him. He has told me he cannot waste his energy anymore trying to get me to stop. He has said he loves me, but he is not in love with me, as the way I am now. And I’m sure it would be easy to earn back. He wants to love me again, as the me I once was. I am sure it would be easy to get there without gambling in my life. But I CAN’T STOP. So, I basically dig myself deeper into debt, depression, and apathy towards everyone and everything I love and I cannot tell you why.
I am a shell of the person I used to be, and yet I still feel that I will lose the joy of life if I give up gambling. I need help. I want help, but I worry that I have broken the support system I once had, and my first instinct will be to gamble because “why not?” I am already broken, depressed, in debt, unloved, and looked down upon. What does it matter if I keep doing the only thing I know of that brings me some satisfaction? I hate this. I can’t undo my deceit and I can’t take back the lies. I can only move forward, but I am struggling to find a reason to. I don’t want to spend another dollar on a bet, but I don’t want to give it up either. What is wrong with me??

Thank you for reading,
Jennifer

[i-did-it]

Hi Jennifer ,
Firstly , YOU CAN STOP!
Please read through Jappy’s very informative post and follow all his tips .
Make it impossible to gamble until the spell is broken .
I could not stop either but guess what – I’m stopped !
Well done on seeking support – pursue recovery with selfish determination .m- let nothing or no one stand in your way.
Get ur husband to mangage all the money and provide receipts for all you spend.

You can beat this and if you are really determined you will!

[Raynor98k]

Hi Jen,

Welcome to the forum, this is a good first step that you have taken. Jappy and i-did-it have posted some great advice on what to do from here. Since your husband already knows about your problem, I would highly recommend surrendering control of your finances for now to him. This will not be permanent, but you are unable to handle money management in your current situation. I would go up to him and tell him you are sorry for everything that has happened, and you are working on putting this mess behind you. Ask him if he will help, it is the most powerful tool you have.

«I don’t want to spend another dollar on a bet, but I don’t want to give it up either.» This line is very conflicting. You know that gambling is ruining your life and your relationship, yet you do not want to give it up. I know what you mean in this, you do not want to give up that feel. It is important to know why we gamble in the first place. Like a lot of other people, I do it for the excitement. I do it for the uncertainty. I know I will most likely lose, but I intend to find out. Here’s the thing though, even if you do end up winning, you will just put it right back. We all have, the system is designed to keep you playing until it takes everything. It is pretty devastating.

Beating an addiction requires a total lifestyle change. Whether it be setting new goals, or exploring new hobbies, your brain chemistry changes based on your behaviors. For me, setting new goals for myself has helped tremendously. I am fairly young (29), and I want to buy a house someday. Anytime I get an urge to gamble, I promised myself that I would not act on impulse. I would discuss it with myself before placing a bet, no matter how hard the cravings. Actually, I had an urge last night, and this was the first one in 25 days. I acknowledged it, and decided to write a post on here before acting, but I also reminded myself that if I did act on it, I would be put further away from my goals. Just some little techniques that I hope will help you.

–Nick

[Krrycllr]

I am a new member and your story mirrors mine with the exception of I haven’t told my husband yet.i have told other family members . just wanted to say that I admire your courage for having that honesty with your partner.your braverywill serve as a strength .

I too imagine the things I want if I won but when I have won .I have just experienced nothing and compulsively hit the button…..because it was never enough.it would never be enough because it didn’t remove that bleak void inside.depression _gamble.chicken or egg ?I don’t know which one came first but both have a love hate relationship with each other
currently my support is
blocked out the gambling with apps and self exclusion .telling them i have aproblem and to not let me join.
blocking browser app so i dont look for more
setting myself a goals a day to do something manageable and different.yesterday was listening to people and showing interest in them .
I listen to a mindfulness app to go to sleep which sends me to sleep and blocks out thoughts.
today in this moment I feel strong and I will stop .I am going to bank that feeling as that feels good.
today one of my 2 supporters is meeting mefor a dog walk .I hope you can find the strength to do 1 thing today that will help you feel that you are worth it

[Monica1]

You can stop and you have everything to fight for. Keep posting and hope to see you in chat soon.

[Muallif]

Xabarlar