[Labrieanne]

First off thank you to anyone that offers help & support to me. I appreciate the love.

I always new my husband had what I thought was a mild gambling problem. He owns his own successful company and has always done well for himself.
In 2018 I got pregnant “accidentally” with our second daughter. My husband didn’t handle the news well and I feel like it’s what helped spiral his gambling to a dangerous level. 6-8 hours in a casino was his normal but he always claimed to win a bunch.
He finally hit rock bottom and admitted to me that he has been borrowing from his company and had to pay back $100,000 to his company this year, which he did with his bonus.
Also once I went back and checked our credit cards I realized he has gambled $96,000 dollars last year of our own money.
He says he’s done gambling and devastated to the point of feeling no self worth. He’s not an open person and I’m finding it very difficult for him to talk to me. He wants me to tell know one and he claims he doesn’t need help.
How do I convince him to seek some therapy? I feel completely alone and realize now that all his horrible mood swings, increased drinking and catching him with drugs is all related to his gambling. I know he needs help but I do t how to go about it.

[velvet]

Hi Labrianne
Compulsive gamblers are not, as a rule, open men and a gambling addiction can thrive under a cloak of secrecy. For some reason your husband’s addiction has given him cause for alarm and he has confided in you, which is good for him but is a terrible burden to put on your shoulders.
I am really pleased that you have started this thread and sharing – hopefully, in time, you will be able to seek support from friends and family as well.
Sadly, you cannot make him seek therapy. Forcing a gambler to get help often results in them paying lip service and becoming even more secretive. Your husband has to want to control his addiction and to that end I think it is good to give him pointers to where support can be found and this is best given when he is being more open and less moody than usual. Shouting, pleading, threatening will do nothing but arose his addiction, calm words when the time is right is, I believe, the best way.
Your husband’s feeling of worthlessness are common because the addiction that controls him is one of constant failure. Lies, mood swings, etc are his only coping mechanism at the moment.
You are right when you say that he does need help if he is to control his addiction but it seems to me that he does not think that it is ‘his need’. I cannot tell you what to do but in my opinion, it might be good to let him know that you are seeking support for yourself because you want to understand, so that you can support him. Gamblers tend to think that nobody understands them but it might help if he knew that you want to stand shoulder to shoulder with him, not against him.
Maybe you could tell him about this site – our Helpline and ‘gambler only’ groups are private and anonymous so; it could be argued that he has nothing to lose and everything to gain.
I know your husband can live gamble-free or I wouldn’t be here.
Keep posting, you are being heard
Velvet

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