[divinitymagic1979]

Goodmorning Ladies and Gents,

Im Johnny, 35, Scotland.
As I type this message i am sat at my screen with that all too familiar feeling in the pit of my stomach (no, not the bad take away from last night) – the feeling of despair. Emptiness and dread.
You see, I got paid this morning, around 3am to be exact, my wages went into the bank as per the norm and by 6am I had nothing, my account was empty and I sobbed.

Because like everytime before and like, im sure, most of you reading this, I went onto my usual gambling site and began gambling, only a wee £50 mind you, then thats it. If only that was it.

3 hours and £1600 later and im empty. Now I have to explain to people (with lies ofcourse) as to why im skint. Why the plans that were made for this month cannot go ahead and why i have to omit paying for the little things that can wait till next payday, the little things i promised myself i would buy.

Dont get me wrong, for the entire month, as its been in months before, there is no way im gambling, no siree, THIS time i have it under control. How nice its going to feel when i get paid and i DONT gamble online, or at all. I can stride proudly past the local bookmakers with money in my wallet and not even flinch….. but we all know, like the months before, thats not going to happen.

I honestly could not put a figure on the amount I have lost over the years, money, relationships and friendships all thanks to gambling.

Im here in order to find some solace, to speak to others who suffer the same way i do and to hopefully give some kind of support, empathy and sympathy for other users.

Johnny

[I_Maverick]

JOhnny you’re in the right place. Over the last 3 years gambling has robbed me of almost everything – most importantly selft respect and self esteem driving me to depression.

I am 3 days into my latest recovery. I have installed NetNanny on my computer, only the wife knows the password. All gambling sites are blocked. I never go in bookies so that is not a problem. But for some reason I still think about gambling. The other night I had an all night session which started with just £10. Then £30 then more. At one point I was massively up – could have paid off 2 credit cards and had money left over. But got greedy. Lost that then started using my company credit card. In my head I had a voice telling me to stop while I was ahead, and then I was chasing deep losses. I was deeply lucky to end just £10 down after being 000s down.

I am about to lose my business, my wife is moving back to Colombia with our son and I see no future unless I stop gambling.

I can not offer any advice except to follow the threads here, go to GA, block ALL access to gambling such as GamBlock, NetNanny etc, give someone your cards and ask them to manage your finances. This is what I have had to do, and even know I find my mind drifts to ways to gamble. I never use bookies, but the addict in me has started imagining playing FOBTs, even though they are crack cocaine. So I must resist and focus on what needs to be done.

Coming here helps me vent, you’ll see that from my posts. Use the support groups and the helpline, the staff are brilliant.

Got to go back to work now, good luck.

Mav

[g.man]

Welcome to the site. ive been a member for the last 7 days and im pleased to say 7 gambling free days.
i read your post and can honestly say i have done exactly the same as you did on numerous occasions.. the last time being last friday payday.
i dont know why i did it, i probably never will do.. but the main thing is to make sure it doesnt happen again.
the last week has been a rollercoaster of emotions. this time im so determined to change my life because for the last 10 years ive been in the grip of this disease. Like you im 35 years old and should be enjoying my best years.. but for some reason gambling has always dictated what i do.
i really hope that you can find the inner strength to train your mind to get through this..
one day at a time my friend.
keep posting updates.. it really helps, believe me
G

[butchugly]

I’m right here with you. Im 5 days in. My best advice to you right now is to do what maverick has just said. As I’m a newbie to all this I can only understand your pain right now. At a guess, you may have periods over the next month until you get paid again of thinking I will win it back. Please keep using this site instead.. Of gambling your next wages. Try and get in the mindset that it’s gone…. Accept the money is gone now. Start fresh next month.

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