[Rs52]

I read alot on here in the past and it helped me but now I’m at a point I have to reach out somewhere myself. Don’t know where else to go. Saw the tears from my wife’s face but the last week she’s been really hurt. I don’t care about my life but I don’t want to ruin what’s left of hers. I’m a new resident to Canada been here 3 years now and got us in over 20k of debt. All of our work pay and savings have been gambled out. Now it’s just us barely surviving and keep moving on. Everytime I swear I will quit but the urges take over and I just can’t stop. I honestly regret doing it everytime even when I’m there I cry on the inside when I win I’m not content or happy I want more to cover all my loses and I won’t leave till all of it is gone. I know that line is very familiar for lots of gamblers and it’s a choice we made I accept that but why can’t I stop if I’m hurting someone I love. She works hard for her money and I’ve made her done alot if things for money to gamble with. Many times I’ve come close to commit suicide I tell her to leave me many times she won’t and I don’t know what else to do. I sincerely want to stop I’ve tried to give her control of all finance take all my id’s even restrict me to anyway possible but my instincts always find a loophole or a way around it. The part that made me realized that I need help or I’m going to die is when I tried to return her anniversary gift I bought for her … she cried and was so hurt … it was very hard for me. As everyday goes by I kept calling out of work my job is in a critical state if I get fired I will.not be able to pay rent and we will be homeless. I know the money I owe can be paid back but the pain I caused will not heal. I’m hoping with all my strength I can quit from today moving forward so I can spend the rest of my life making up to the beautiful kind hearted woman for loving and staying next to a scum like me. I was told that I have major depression and anxiety before I gambled because my sister was raped and I found without gambling I will have to face a major break down of depression which is something I’m running away from but I don’t know anything anymore. I can’t sleep eat don’t know when I’m tired sad or hungry. I feel like an empty shell and can’t tell if I’m living in reality or a fake world. I’ve lost communication with close loved ones and friends because of this and if I loose my wife I don’t know if I will make it. Deep down I don’t want to loose her although I don’t want her to continue staying with me bcuz I’m afraid of her further ruining her life but even if it’s a bit selfish I want to make that change to try and keep her starting today. Thank you to all for your kind support of this website. I hope i can make it.

[velvet]

Hello Rs and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practicle Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hi Rs
I wanted to add a post as well as giving you our official welcome because of the strength of feeling you have towards your wife.
I was wondering if your wife would like to join the F&F forum on this site where she will be met with understanding and support. I know how difficult it is to share one’s thoughts when someone lives with a CG (compulsive gambler). Loyalty, fear and unnecessary shame all contribute to F&F keeping things bottled up inside but in time such thoughts and emotions can implode with devastating consequences.
I believe that when couples use the site it is good if neither reads the others posts because all recoveries are different and being able to say how you really feel is often only possible when it is said privately. To that end also there is a Friends and Family group which is completely private and facilitated for F&F only and where nothing said in the group appears on the forum – your wife would be very welcome. The F&F group is on Tuesday between 20.00-21.00 hours UK time.
It is because I know that the addition to gamble can be controlled that I am here writing to you. I believe you have reached a good place by posting here where ‘you’ are understood and I hope you will continue to post and join the facilitated CG groups.
I wish you well
Velvet

[maverick.]

Hi Rs,

Well done on sharing how you feel, thats a massive step in the right direction, I understand how you feel and can relate to many things you share, all I can say to you is “there is hope” and I can promise you that.

I have been fighting this addiction for many years and have lost more than I could possibly share but I still have my wife and kids that alone is pricless………..you can change like I know I can we just have to work hard at it, keep fighting and please keep sharing, stay strong and start getting some barriers in place, hope to hear an update from you soon and browes around this site, there are very many helpful people and features around.

I hope this finds you well and wish you and your wife all the very best, take care and speak soon.

Maverick

[Bee123]

Hi RS, How are you doing?
Hope thing’s are going ok. I am new here myself, and hope we can all support each other.
Keep coming here and posting, even if you have slip ups, don’t deal with it alone.

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