[recovery92]

Hello All,

First time poster, I thought i would share my bust as im dealing with the devastation and pain that goes with it at the moment and in hope to relieve it with some support. Just a bit of

background. I’m 25 years old and have gambled every dollar ive earnt since i was 18. Although ive bet on everything, my main damage is caused on poker machines which intensified as

I started to use drugs and alchohol more prominately. I gambled to escape worries and my own insecurities, I was extremely unhappy with my life and my constant thinking was thinking of a

better life where i have heaps of money, savings, investments, big grandoise goals which were very unrealisitic. I actually come from a somewhat wealthy family, ive never had to pay bills/rent

and still dont to this day. So basically my money that i earn is all disposable which makes me feel worse about myself. 

I walked into GA for the first time this year in febuary after my last gamble where i went in with the intention of winning 3k to pay off a loan that i got from gambling (chasing my losses as always),

and funnily enough i won it in the first 5 minutes. I said to myself i have to leave which i was standing up trying to leave but could not physically leave. All was gone plus more, i was helpless thinking

that my life will never get better and sheer hate.

I went to GA twice a week for 6 months trying to rebuild my life, i changed jobs started earning better money, got a little but of control on my finances and debts and slowly they were going down.

I busted after 6 months at an end of season football trip where i was again intoxicated and using coke and busted blowing all i had. I ended up borrowing money to resolve my issues, which the devestation,

stress. remorse faded in an instant where i just moved on. Prior to this bust i didnt really understand the spiritual side to the program, and it opened up to me after this bust. I live with gratitude, a day at a time,

and realised my higher power. Although this was my downfall and my ego got me thinking because i understand the program i am free of gambling.

Another 80 days or so up after working hard, training, getting fit, saving money. I left 2k cash just sitting in my room thinking ive changed and that i wont spend it. A night out (which i justified to myself that i deserved) led to me

getting drunk, using coke again, somone bumped into me and i smashed my phone and it just pushed me over the edge. All inhibition disapeared and I felt like I was in psycosis.

I was out all night untill all the money was gone. I know that i must stop the other addictions as well as they lead me back to my gambling. I know that abstinance is different from recovery,

and i have come to the realisation my gambling habit is only one thought away and it will never be solved EVER. This bust really hurts as ive been working 7 days to get ahead but just keep going

back to square 1. I almost got another loan to relieve my problems, but 

was talked out of it by a fellow member (thank my higher power for that). I was for a period atheist, but am now opened to a god or as i like to think of it the universe. I find it hard to forgive myself at the moment

and i compare myself to others doing well, and i demand more from my life. But i struggle with that, and would love your input on how to break from society constuct of being successful and having everything i

want, and just be focused on recovery and building your own life.

Thanks for reading. Daniel

[paulleeko]

Hi Daniel,

Remember, we are NOT GAMBLER if we arent gambling anymore.

all of us have similar experiences, we always choose the easy way out.

So now, lets FOCUS on how to deal with our stress and problems without these things and habits.

List out what can you do to overcome your stress and addiction without gambling, without smoking, without coke, without drugs, without alcohol.

After you list out, start DOING IT when your crave hits in!

Actions prove more than words and you will be proud of your own achievements! Thats how you regain your confidence a small step at a time.

You are the master of your own body!

sincerely,
Paul

[MurrS7]

Hey Daniel reading your post sounds very similar to my situation and I feel your pain. I have been an addict to things my whole life. Since 18 I been gambling / booze/ drugs / anything that gives me a rush. I also live at home rent free and honestly I think that’s why I gamble so heavy knowing there won’t be any reporcussions of being homeless, not having food to eat etc. I go years without booze/drugs/gambling and then something triggers me and I fall right back into the home and I’m talking heavy binges. This past 2 months I have won and lost over 50k, every penny to my name. Even used my line of credit yesterday. This was my final straw. I banned myself from one casino on Sunday after losing 9k in less than an hour playing blackjack. And then skipped class yesterday to go gamble at the other casino and lost 2000 in about an hour. That was the last of the $ in my name. I’m a full time student and work part time at a low paying job and will take me over 800 hours of hard work to make back what I lost in a couple of hours. We need to put this in perspective how hard it is to earn a dollar. I have now self banned from both casinos. Today is my day one of being gamble free. As long as we are alive and breathing we have a chance to make things right and rebound from our losses. I used to also do a lot of coke and the way I stopped is whenever I was tempted I would think of the feeling of the next day, hearing the birds chirping after not sleeping, the anxiety and depression that came
For days after. I am trying to do the same
For gambling . I never want to feel this way again and I’m
Hoping as the days go on, my mind will be at peace with my losses (probably well over 200k since the time I’ve been 18, 28 now) the good news is we are young, we have time
To make money, and remember don’t lose sight of the important things in life like friends, family, love, as cliche as it is.. the stuff money cannot buy. Hang in there man, we are all in this together . I’m rooting for you brother. Stay strong

-Stephen

[recovery92]

Hi Paul,

Thanks for your response!

I just wrote down ways I can deal with the stresses!

I will really work on building confidence as you said. I find it hard to believe I’m the master of my own body when Ive been good for so long, fully in recovery and out of the blue I snap and undid my hard work in one night.

I know I need just take it as a learning experience and move forward. Which I think I will go through the steps to get a better understanding of my addiction.

thanks again.

[recovery92]

Hi Stephen,

Thanks for replying, I really got a lot out of your story and can definately relate to a lot that you said. Also your methods do deal with things.

It kind of scares the shit out of me of the damage a binge can do. Like your story I can go months and be fully into recovery and just lose it all in one go. From this experience I’ve learned to not have money on me ever so that if I do slip the harm will be minimal. 

Its going to be hard to not go out, not party, I’ll just have to replace it with more empowering things. Going to be tough over Christmas but I must put myself first.

I hope your mind will be at peace soon brother, and same with mine! Hoping for the best in your recovery as well.

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