- This topic has 6 відповідей, 7 учасників, and was last updated 13 років, 4 місяці тому by paul315.
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2 Квітня 2012 о 6:19 am #12993markfУчасник
That is how long it has been since my last bet!
On the 12th April 2010 I arrived at Gordon House thinking my life was effectively over. I was totally defeated, ashamed, embarassed, lost absolutely everything in my life of any value, lost my wife and thought I had lost my daughter. I had lsot the battle of a 15 year addiction and finally admitted defeat.
15 years to admit defeat. 15 years of living a horrible life of hating myself, of stealing, of lying to everyone i ever met, an attempted suicide, and so on…… Why di it take so long for me to finally come round?? You would think that attempting to kill yourself would be rock bottom and at that point give up the fight. But even then I stopped, sought help but didnt really take it seriously and the addiction fought back and completely took over again but far worse then ever before.
Al that is now in the past and I look to the future. It is till important for me to remember in order to keep myself on track but i refuse to beat myself up any more and I refuse to wallow in shame. the past 2 years have been an incredible journey. I have been learning how to live again and actually enjoying life.
I have not been on here for a while so just wanted to pop in and say hello. I have all my barriers in place but i also made a promise to myself that I would keep in contact with GH and this website. However I have found myself not feeling the need to keep coming on here and it had actually got to the point where i was sick of it. I was fed up of reading about all the relapses and fed up of pouring out the same advice to so many people yet it so often fell on deaf ears. I know that sounds selfish but I am just being honest.
The fact is though, this site does work for so many of us and GH absolutely works for anyone who wants to succeed. So after waking up an hour before my alarm I am glad to have logged on again and read some posts. A few have brought some tears to my eyes and reminded me of just how bad it all got for me. I will continue to remember and focus on my positive future without gambling.
Stay well
Mark
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2 Квітня 2012 о 9:28 am #12994looby looУчасник
Hi Mark, Great to read your update and that life for YOU is good. I remember when you first posted and the despair you felt, that despair after losing so much that was precious to you in life, made you apply to and go through GH and look where you are today 🙂 I wish you continued recovery and a happy, gamble free life. Much love xxxxWe must look forward and must never look back, we cannot change what has already happened. The future is brighter.Looby Loo
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2 Квітня 2012 о 12:00 pm #12995kathrynУчасник
Wow Mark,
That is wonderful. It took me 15 years too, waaay too long. I have to say though, that without it we would not be who we are today. I truly believe that we are meant to take the journey we do, to find ourselves when we are meant to because there is a reason behind everything.
For me, it has been worth the wait…..Life is great!
HOpe to see you round a little more,
Love K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan -
2 Квітня 2012 о 12:16 pm #12996amyyyУчасник
How absolutely wonderful and inspiring!
So good to read of ur success and your dedication to your new way of life- a life free of the restraints of gambling- and the whole destructive cycle.
Real Freedom! Truely is something to celebrate and feel good about.
Im really glad u posted – its a great example and gives me hope. Reminds me that there is a lifetime after gambling. That the months will eventually turn into years and that my life will continue to gradually improve- so long as i stick to the plan.
Great to see you doing so well! Congratulations and hope u feel verry proud and happy x -
2 Квітня 2012 о 4:29 pm #12997АнонімГість
Nice one Mark, thanks for posting.
Geordie.Recovery is priceless. -
2 Квітня 2012 о 6:07 pm #12998desdemonaУчасник
Hi Mark! Congratulations on every second of your gamble free journey! It’s good to read of your success because it then gives others, including myself, hope that it really can be done. Happy Recovery Day! Carole
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2 Квітня 2012 о 7:39 pm #12999paul315Учасник
Originally posted by markf
That is how long it has been since my last bet! …
… I had lsot the battle of a 15 year addiction and finally admitted defeat …
Good afternoon Mark,
"2 years, 2 weeks and 2 days " is something to be proud of and something where ackolagement is worthy. Well done! And well done also on your closing sentence. "I will continue to remember and focus on my positive future without gambling.", as a positive follow up to your this topic title. Proclaiming a desire and need for continuous work is the first step in reaching 2,2, 3 and all the following milestones.
Seeing your statement about admitting defeat is a reminded to me that I too had to surrender to the addiction and admit defeat for me to have any hope in recovery and a better life; it is working for me also, and for about the same amount of time.
When I see someone that has not posted for a while, or read the lines, "I have not been on here for a while", I look back at their posting history to try and see a pattern that may help me in my recovery also, because most of the time the return is for reason other than telling of a gambling free life,i t is to tell how they relapsed and made things worst for themselves. However your story is a positive and refreshing gift to all, and one that you can problem use yourself in regards to reading post. You past views on reading and posting can now be influenced by some good news.
In your case, while my reviewing your past participation here was not need to remind me of you, it did bring to light that you have not been as far out of contact with us s you think. You have steadily posted about different views and of different milestones in your recovery, and your life; it has only been a month or so between those and your recent post where there has been no word from you. You have been an ongoing help to others, and apparently yourself as well. In fact it would be good for all to read your past post (Click to list all topics containing posts by markf), and to know that we can overcome and learn to live an enjoy life.
One of your topics concerning getting through the early days ignited my thinking and allowed be to be more mindful of the days the followed the early ones. And your speaking now about the distress felt when reading about relapses, tells of feelings most of us have in coming here often or on a daily bases; but the subtle empathy you show when expressing these feelings, outshines your thought of being away for awhile, and seeing the pain that fellow gamblers share in someones struggles can be a challenge for them to stay gambling free, to be able to tell about their years, months, and days.
Keep coming back as often as possible, keep participating so that other can benefit from your experiences, and hour warnings. In closing I hope that all is going well with you and Evie, and that you can still be a father to her, not just someone lost in the grips of this addiction.
Again, Well done.
God’s speed. Stay strong. Keep posting, keep taking action.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.
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