You’re right, nothing will be the same.
I know you have hurt your family and friends, unfortunately this addiction doesn’t care who gets hurt.
You have done what you can for now to rectify the situation with your business. I know its daunting, but nothing is un fixable. And while you may have lost your friend and your mum, for now, working hard on yourself to begin recovery is important for you. You are important.
We have all made mistakes, done terrible things in the grips of this terrible addiction. Just worry about today. You cannot control how other people see and feel about you, yes they are angry, but in time, if you work hard, things may turn around. You have blocked yourself from all sites, that’s a great step.
I don’t know if you will find the answer as to why you gambled. I never really have.
Accepting that the money is gone is a very hard thing to do.
All you can do is move forward, take the steps you need to work recovery, life will get better in time.
Take care K xx