Sounds like maybe you had a well known infatuation with sport gambling. Not funny but I was laughing at your description of the pin drop. My husband’s brother who would gamble on occasion started cutting himself off mid sentence around me if he began talking about it. Gee I think word spread through the family I had lost a pile and was an addict.
I can understand your fear. I think just as we developed into the addicted gambler, when we take away the gambling and start working on us, and filling our time in more valuable ways, we can change into a new person. The person you are now, is not the person you will be a year from now in recovery. And the experiences you have had will only add to the new you.
I’m not who i was before gambling began, nor who i was when in action. I would like to think I’m a new better version of me with more life experience and empathy towards my fellow man. I feel like I now value what is important ( to me anyway), family, good friendships, health, connection to nature etc
Well done on your progress! Keep at it, you are worth it!
Laura