[johnc2012]

I’m now 37 years of age. I live in the north of England, My start in life wasn’t what anyone would refer to as good, There was much lies secrets and deceit within the family, My mother had me and my older sister keep secrets from our father, Our father had us keep secrets from our mother. Life was so complicated and confusing for me and my sister. Though we both where quite bright I believe that there where many flaws in our development due to all the lies that we had to tell. Lies and secrets are never good for anyone and especially when your parents normalise keeping secrets then that can be as in my case be a very bad thing. So Adults know best? That’s what I was taught, so when an adult asks me to keep a secret then I do it as it’s no big deal because secrets and lies are fine, That’s through a 11yr old boys eyes.

December 2011 after a drink and drug fuelled night out I found myself at home smashing the house to pieces, eventually the police turned up, I was stood their all calm and relaxed and just looking in to space, I was in a rut my life was a total mess, I knew that I couldn’t handle my life anymore. So in 2012 at 28yrs old, I had 1 daughter and was soon to become a father again for the second time, I found Gordon Moody House, I needed help I had being gambling since being very young and would spend everything on my gambling addiction, I would beg barrow and steel just to keep gambling. I eventually got a placement and was taken in to GMH, I must say it was at that time and even still now just what I needed, The staff where and still are fantastic the way that they help you and get down to the nitty gritty. Pulling up the past was something that had to be done, They didn’t want to leave any stone unturned. I Thought that I got everything out, I did manage to stop gambling for a long time and improve my life to a certain extent, I then found myself back gambling, Then stopping and starting again. It was back to the old cycle.

Then In 2020, A start of a new year and new me, Now a non smoker, Non gambler and now a businessman things start going great, Then comes lockdown and things start getting hard, BUT I managed to stay clean, I was going back over my life and my childhood as I had a fair bit of time on my hands. I was overcome by terrible headaches and thoughts from my past. These where things that I had forgotten about, Locked away inside my brain where I could not get to them, So hard it was for me to understand, But things started to add up. I finally realised the Horrific childhood that me and my sister had lived through, So much trauma in our lives and my head still booming trying to make sense of it all, Memories kept flooding in. I eventually plucked up the courage and decided to face the problems so I went and visited the police who have made an investigation in to what I have told them.

It has being a tough year for all of us, My year has being hard but perhaps now I have a good chance of things being better for me. I know that life will get better. Gambling is my addiction that I used to keep my problems away, Like a coping mechanism I suppose, But I don’t need gambling in my life. I can deal with my problems now without gambling however big or small that they may be. I hope that we can all be gamble free at some stage. Gambling ruined my life but hopefully now it will never sneak its way back in. All the best everyone.

[velvet]

Hello John and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[sunny]

Hi John,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. It is indeed inspirating and also understanding how tough it had been for you.

May i ask how long have u been staying gambling free then ? And any good advice to share that so far you are using that manage to continue to stay off GF.

Sunny

[Author]

Posts