[bedder6453]

Hello all,

I have just taken the big step of admitting that I am a compulsive gambler. I’ll start from the beginning…

In January of 2011, i was a typical mid twenties guy, going out with friends. Me and 2 other friends went out to Birmingham for a night out on a Saturday. One of my friends always puts an accumulator on every Saturday and asked me and my other friend to do one for a bit of competitive fun, so we did.

Both of my friends accumulators lost by a mile but mine came down to one game which was winning. It would have been around an £800 win from £5 stake. In the last minute, the team i was waiting on conceded a very late equaliser to my dismay.

This was the start of my addiction. I seen how close i came to a big win and then wanted to try again which i lost again. I then joined bet tipping groups and pages on facebook which taught me the patient game by rolling £10 on slow low odds bets to make a thousand pounds. I did this a few times successfully throughout 2011, however, my wins didn’t outweigh what i put in but i always seen the big wins as a positive to keep going so as the months went on, i tried again and again. I used pay day loans to cover my losses and pay bills and then i fell behind with them and thats where the debts started to roll up. I won the thousand pound a few times throughout christmas time in 2011 which was good and then lost for a few months. I won bits here and there but always never won more than i put in.

I met my wife in 2012 and all was going well, however, i was still gambling slyly. Debts still piled up and i ignored the ‘petty debts’ but always received letters asking for money back. In december 2016 i gambled near enough all my wages away to try and win big for christmas to spoil my family which obviously didn’t work. I had to borrow money from a friend to pay our rent and a few other priority bills. I promised i would pay it back by february as i always thought i could win it to pay back, however, again, that failed and this friend demanded the money back to which i borrowed from another friend to pay them back. Again i thought i could win the money back to pay off this other friend, but again failed. This friend then demanded their money back and i was forced to borrow yet again from another friend to pay off my debt. It’s now at a point where i am stuck in a spiral of debt which has now broken me.

I have lied to my wife, my friends, my family, all the people who have supported me through my money problems but they never knew the real reason. It was only 2 days ago where i actually admitted to myself that i have a problem and then admitted to my wife that i had a problem and even used her money previously to pay off debts. She was furious at first but after a few mins of seeing me break down and crying, she started comforting me saying she would support me through it. The next day, we hardly spoke, i could sense deep down her anger at me. She contacted my mum to inform her and they provided me with a number to talk to someone, which i did, and have now been referredfor therapy.

Today, i can still sense the anger inside her. She takes sarcastic mental jabs at me, saying ive ruined her and my sons life, ive ruined our financial stability everything. I’m so depressed and all i need is her support. The anger and disappointment i can see from her is just driving me to think that suicide is the answer. I have had quite a few thoughts about that as i can only think that they both would be better without me but then i think that i can’t leave them both with all the debt problems. I just can’t bare seeing her angry, i just want her support. I know i have done wrong, i know i have messed our lives up but i just want the opportunity to put things right but i can’t do that with the negative energy seeping from her towards me every time we are in the same room.

Ive been looking for jobs for days i dont work so that i can pay off our debts. I know after all is paid, she will leave me and take my son to Poland, which i couldn’t bare the thought of. I cant help but think that every time i see her angry, that i have lost her already. it doesn’t help my mood at all.

She says she understands the problem i have but i know deep dow that she doesnt. How can she if she shows all this anger, disappointment and constant reminding me of the past with gambling and what its done to us. As i said, i know ive done wrong but i want to fix it all.

The only thing i feel proud of at the moment is the fact ive now gone 2 full days without gambling which i havent done since 2011.

I have the unbearable feeling that i am going to have to fight this on my own…..

Thank you for reading

[velvet]

Hello Bedder and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[lizbeth4]

Hi Bedder, Welcome to this site. I’m a compulsive gambler. The first step is admitting that you have a problem and you’ve also told your Wife which is a big step. You need to ban yourself from gambling sites and let your Wife control the money and bank cards. Keep posting here and reading others posts. There are online support groups here also. It will take time to regain your Wife’s trust but you will in time. Stay strong. Keep posting!

[velvet]

Hi Bedder
It is great that you have 2 gamble-free days behind you now and even better that you have been referred to therapy.
I hope I can shed some light on your wife’s reaction. She will have been shocked by what you have told her and as the knowledge sinks in she will naturally feel anger, disappointment and sadness and she will experience a lack of trust.
She will not be able to understand the problem quickly, indeed it might take her quite a while but now that matters are now out in the open you can both begin your recoveries.
It might help your wife to talk about her worries and concerns and I would be delighted to welcome her on to the Friends and Family forum or into an F&F group – there is one tomorrow evening between 22.00-23.00 hours UK time. The group is private; she can voice all her concerns anonymously and safely. She will hear that you can control your addiction and that with her support you will do better. She will learn that you didn’t ask for or want your problem. She will hear that now you have accepted your addiction and you are determined to control it, that you can be the man that you want to be and the man and father she wants you to be.
At no time would it be suggested that she leaves you.
She is unable to help you with your mood at the moment Bedder, she is struggling to come to terms with her life turned upside down – just as you are. With knowledge she can give you the support you need but please remember that she needs support from you too, especially in these early days
I hope she will seek support, as you have done.
I wish you well
Velvet

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