[I have to make a change]

Okay! Let me start by saying that I have known I’m an addict for a long time! I have had so many losses… I can’t begin to count. I’ve been here before and what the good people on this forum predicted came true for me… I.e things got a whole whole lot worse !
I’m gutted. Tonight I have blown my whole pay. In 2 hours! I feel sick. 14 days until payday… Not a scrap of food in the house… Rent not paid… Bills not paid… Same situation last fortnight and the fortnight before… And before that one
I feel incredibly irresponsible. And I am.
I kept this a secret from my husband for a long time… Until he started to get suspicious… And he left. 20 year relationship over 2 years ago now! I felt so guilty about the hidden ‘debts and credit cards’ that I just kept them a secret… I didn’t want him to be responsible for these debts… So will probably be paying these debts off for the next 20 years!
And with the end of my marriage came the spiralling out of control gambling. And the self hatred. And depression.
I know what I need to do. But I don’t ever seem to be able to manage to do it. The desire to gamble is too strong. And I hate it when I am there.
I honestly was sitting at a machine tonight and nearly vomited. Yet I still went to the bank and got more money. I was shaking when I left!
So tomorrow … I need to go to my manager and request a payout of my annual leave balance. Which has been done before but not without pleading. She is not the person that will understand this. So I have to come up with good reason (and the truth in this situation is not an option)
But I have to do it… So that I can survive, pay my bills, pay my rent.
I wish that I had someone that could help hold me accountable… But my husband is not the only person I have lost through this addiction. I am alienated by family and ex friends.
My best friend unfortunately has the same curse. I left her at the club tonight – she was still going.
I feel like things could not get any worse. I have nothing. No assets. No support. No Brain! And most certainly… No money!
I am soooo tired. I spent 3 days off without human contact. Waiting to get paid… Because we know where it went last fortnight. Had no decent food… So lived off porridge since Friday which was what I had in the cupboard.
It was such a flood of relief and excitement to get paid… And bam!
So this is where I’m at:(. Day 0.
Any support or words of wisdom welcome.

[charles]

Hi, I have to make a change and welcome to the forum.

Good name, so what can you change? What things can you start to put in place before you get paid next?

Keep reading the other stories here, you will see that you are not along with this problem. you will also see the sort of things that have helped others stop gambling. How about getting yourself banned from that club? Yes I know there are other gambling places but it will take you out of the one you are using now. it will stop you being tempted to gamble with your friend when she goes there. Is there anyone who could hold your money for you when you do get paid?

There is a lot of support available to you now – here, places like Gamblers Anonymous, counselling and more.

Regarding those debts there are also a lot of financial options available these days, from repayment plans to bankruptcy and a lot in between. Get some proper financial advice. If you click on the resources link here or connect to the helpline you will be able to get some useful links for that.

Don’t wait until next pay day, keep posting and let us know what thigns youa re starting to put in place now.

[I have to make a change]

So just wrote a long deep and meaningful… And it froze! I’m ok! Day 2 … Okay! Thanks Charles for your kind words… Will post later!

[vera]

Hello, I have to change. I hate when posts vanish after taking the time to put words in print, but like the money that vanishes in the slot machines , it some times happens . The only difference is the money we put in machines always vanishes. That’s because we are compulsive gamblers , therefore our need to gamble is greater than our need to win. I have proved that to myself, to my horror, on more than one occasion. I remember sitting in the casino, as you describe , hating the slot machines, hating the addiction, hating myself for being there, praying for a win and hey presto the win would come. Prayers answered. Time to leave. But did I ever leave ? Very seldom. The “win” usually went back into the machines and it was only when I was broke and devastated that I had no choice but to slink away like a beaten dog.
Gambling ruins lives. It almost ruined mine. It affected my health/sleep/relationships/finances etc. Every area of my life was thrown into turmoil and what did gambling give me in return? Nothing, except grief and misery and still I kept going back for more.
From what I read , you have reached a crossroads in your life, I have to change.
Now is the time to make a decision.
“Do I continue to allow gambling ruin my life or do I cut my losses and walk away?”
I hope you choose the latter!

[Author]

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