[dazedandconfused]

Hi everyone, I’m not sure where to start. I have read some stories here some that have made my problems seem quite small others that have resonated with me. From quite young I was always drawn to anything to do with gambling even before I understood the concept of gambling I remember winning what seemed like a fortune(maybe a fiver) at about age 8 on one of those coin push machines while on holidays from memory and it does now make me wonder if I was always predisposed to this habit. My family would often play cards to pass time around family gatherings, sometimes very small amounts might be wagered sometimes i’d win sometimes not. Even then I don’t think I behaved normally I think around the age of 12 i made up some type of martingale system that i probably believed would allow me infinite money. I couldn’t actually bet yet but i would make a list of what i could of hypothetically done, basically I became obsessed with the idea of gambling before I could even gamble. From 16 onwards I learned texas holdem and actually did reasonable, I never really had much money to gamble then so actually did ok. I would find ways to get small amounts on account by selling play chips i’d won, I actually did quite well at times. I would say never losing much but never winning much either. I remember having $400 one day and being quite proud. I remember blowing this up very quickly one day and losing what would have seemed like a huge amount. This was probably the first time I experienced that sinking low feeling that i’ve since become accustomed to. As I turned 18 i started betting a little more on sportsbook in addition to poker as I could now actually legally open accounts. But again I never had much money at that age, so anything I would bet would be small relative to what I bet now. I certainly would not have lost more than a few hundred in any month and picked up a few big wins along the way back then enough that I couldn’t really have viewed it as a really big problem yet. It would not be everyday and I certainly would have had some restraint. I think its a fair statement that I gambled what could be considered at least reasonably until about age 24. I am now 27. I came into some money by inheritance from a late relative about one year ago though I would have known I was due to receive this about 3 years ago. About 3 years ago I believe is when I began to gamble recklessly occasionally betting all my weeks wages or playing a game of poker for everything I had which again wouldn’t be a lot though it was relative to what I would have had at the time. Back then I think I was justifying that by saying I wouldn’t need to gamble anymore when I received inheritance. I think I did believe that. Those 2 years weren’t great by any means but I gambled within my means in as far as I lost only the wages I earned. The really significant damage has been done though in the last year. I feel immense guilt in saying that I have lost almost half this inheritance in addition to most of my earnings. I feel such sympathy for other peoples stories who have actually lost everything. I have not lost everything yet but I do feel that its almost inevitable. I have interest in relationships or hobbies, the only thing I can think about is how much I’ve lost or if i can turn it around. Some issues arise from gambling and sometimes gambling arises from other issues its hard to distinguish between the two sometimes like chicken egg question. Anyway I think I feel better now for having wrote this. I’ve already done quite a bit of damage to my own happiness and hurt others in ways that I possibly don’t fully understand, I’m sure I could live with anything I’ve done so far if I can stop losing money. My biggest fear is what may be ahead. Thanks anyway for reading and feel free to respond.

[finding_laura]

Hi Dazed and Confused,
well done on posting your story to the forum. You are right, if you keep going as you are, losing it all will be inevitable! You need to tie up that money as fast as you can. Do you have a family member that you can trust to help you? Hold on to it or block your use of it somehow until maybe you can get it locked up tight in an investment or something. Getting help to address your addiction will be important if you ever want to be able to use money like a normal person. To us money isn’t to be used as money it is tokens to gamble with! Please look into Gamblers Anonymous. Talk with someone on the chat line here at this site. They often have good advice on resources for your particular area or may be able to provide some through the site. Counseling may be helpful, it helped me a lot in the beginning. Please keep posting. I hope you are able to put the breaks on and safeguard your inheritance and your pay cheques. Take care,
Laura

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