[Min83]

Hi, how are you?

It is very nice to meet you here.

I would like to share my experiences in gambling and I really would like to stop.

(Please bear in your mind that I am not a Native in English language therefore my English is not perfect. I hope you you understand)

I guess gambling side of me was always in me as I have an addictive personality.

Gambling is illegal in my country so I was never exposed to it before I came to Europe as a students.

I was working at the bookies as part timer and that is the first time I got to know the gamblings.

I started make small bets like 10 cent lucky 15 or 20 cent lucky 15 so while I work, I can see the results.

I lost most of times but the amount was not a big deal.

When online betting was starting to introduced by book makers, and that period, I was having a really hard time.

My relationship of 7 years just ended and I was really sad and unhappy.

And then, I do not know how but I started online betting and I got hooked with virtual horse and dog racings.

As a student, I was not making a lot of money but I managed to spend more than 1,500 euros which is huge amount for me.

I was really disappointed myself and stopped gambling after losing everything I saved.

Now, after 6-7years, I am married with love of my life and have two wonderful kids.

Life is going well with me and I had no complains really.

But as a full time mother at home and working as freelancer, I started to feel stressed with house chores and all the parental responsibilities. Being a full time mother for 24/7 is really hard work especially as a foreigner, I do not have any relatives around me which means I have no help in mentally and physically.

My husband is wonderful man and he is doing a lot in the house as well but still it is very hard to me staying with kids at home all day.

I felt like myself is fading away and I, myself is not existing anymore but someone’s mother or someone’s wife.

I think the under pressure of my desire to be a great mother is also giving me a hard time as well. I was always worrying about my children’s well being and my ability for a good mother.

Since 4 years ago, me and my friend starting to go to the casino for leisure. We went casino like 2-4 times per year?

It was and it is still a great girls night for us!

When we go out, we were spending between 100-200 euros per night and thinking that we lost so much ioi !!!

That time, I was mainly playing roulette or blackJack. I was not interested in slots at all but my friend was.

One time, I was waiting for her and played slots beside her but it bored me. I really did not know why people like it?

But anyhow I was starting to play several machines (because you can bet small so I thought I can play longer than playing table games) then I won something big.
Then as you can guess, I got hooked.

Slot games are really addictive I got to say because one day, after the casino night out, I could not sleep (i think because of all the lights and effect of games) but thinking about slot games.

I was searching some tips to win slot games then I found online casinos. At that time, I did not know online casino existed.

I sign up and played. Lost 800 euros in few days. I won some money but withdraw procedure was taking too long (ID, address, payment etc) and they have revert withdrawal options. I tried to withdraw – revert – lost all – deposit again. … I was so upset. I told my husband about it (but told him I lost 300 euros, i did not want to surprise him with huge amount) and stopped.

After 2 years, one day, a casino night out, I sign up online casino again. I do not know why?
I think I won something that night and i wanted to continue to feel that vibe.

But this time I played for long time and there were many deposit and withdrawals.

It became a daily routine and I would play till 3-4 In the morning which affects my days with tiredness.

I was losing money fast and one day, I ’borrowed’ money from my daughter’s savings.

I felt so bad about it so when I got paid, I put the money back straight away but you know..once is hard but second and third become easy.. and one day I spent all her savings which is 1500 euros at that time.

I stopped and self excluded many casinos which I was signed up.
I started to saving money again and paid my daughter’s money back monthly and then about 5-6 months ago, i started again.

But this time, i got to kow the option of deposit limits and I set deposit limit of 50 euros per month.

I was thinking, ’50 euros per month would not kill anyone and I can play a bit when i have free times’.

The problem is, once I win, I should stop but I kept playing that I always play till my money becomes ’0’.

I was reading about addiction and I found out that I have a compulsive gambling problems.

It says, money does not matter anymore but the act of bet itself I am craving for.

I had to agreed on this because fast few months, I managed to spent all the savings(mine and my daughter’s) and my incomes.

I even lied to my husband and got 600 euros which I spent all in gambling.

I had no money left, absolutely zero. But i could not tell my husband so I borrowed 100 euros from my friend so I can have some cash before paying day.
Obviously, I spent all as well in gambling.

I was searching no deposit bonus casinos and sign up for free bets and played as well.

I had sign up more than 10 online casinos just for getting a free bets.

I have been reading lots of articles about gambling addictions and watched documentaries about it.

I tried so much but this time, I feel i cannot stop myself. Then i found this website and talked to someone for the 1st time…

The gambling addiction advisor told me I need to tell my husband and should discuss about it but I really could not tell him… He always telling me how nice person I am and how nice mother I am and how nice wife I am..
How can I break his heart?

I was thinking to stop myself but now I was starting to taking a money from our share account.. 10 euros, 15 euros.. such small money that my husband would not realise..

But the amount filed up and one day, I took 120 euros from our share account that I had to tell him the reason. I lied and I felt terrible.

I really could handle myself so I confessed to my sister. She said it was understandable and I should talk to my husband…

Then I told him, everything.
Lots of tears came out and I was shaking myself with mixture feelings.

He Hugged me and told me he is sorry that he did not notice earlier and let’s stop it together.

I got to say, it was such a relief.

It all happened about less than 2 weeks ago.

Now I gave him all my financial access and I agree to have 100 euro per month for myself.

But I told him I would still like to do the casino night outs because it is my only leisure and he said it is okey.

At the moment, after the confession, I closed all my online accounts and I do not feel any urges yet.

But I know there are no 100% cure and I really would like to not to go back.

That is why I sign up here and writing my very first journal.

I feel really positive and I hope it continues.

Thanks for reading guys!

[dunc]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[Steev]

This was a really positive post and it is great that you have told your husband what is going on … BUT – ” I told him I would still like to do the casino night outs because it is my only leisure and he said it is okey. ”

It is NOT okay. When I admitted to myself that I had a problem with gambling – I knew that I could not put myself in a position where I might be tempted to gamble. My ”poison” was slots and if I even saw a slot in a food hall or similar – I walked away and went somewhere else.

If casinos are your only leisure – you need to find something else. There are many, many hobbies and interests in the world – so please find something else to relax with!

One thing you can do is talk to others who are dealing with this behaviour. There are support groups on here (check the times on that section) and in other places … talking to people helps us to stay strong and away from a bet. Please get as much support as you can.

[i-did-it]

Hi Min ,
Well done on your honesty with your husband.
Can I suggest you buy a gambling blocker for your internet devices – I use Gamban. It cuts access to all gambling sites.

I’m afraid I have to agree with Steev. Once the hobby of gambling crosses the line into an addiction , there is no safe gamble anymore . Going to the casino just keeps the addiction alive – we never want to stop after one night and the urges can become completely crazy. I think it might be an idea to say to your friends you are fed up with casino night and why not try something new?

Min you have taken so many positive steps – don’t let this horrible addiction cause you another minutes worry – abandon it completely !

[Min83]

Thanks  a lot Steev for the advice. It really makes me think that I should avoid all the temptation as much as possible. I will really try myself not to go and find something else which can also enjoy myself. 

I had subscribe one YouTube slot channel,  and watching his daily upload because it is fun to watch. 

Do you think this can affect me as well? 

At the moment, I do not feel any urge when I watch his uploads because the money he is gamble is so high that it makes me feel like it is beyond  my reach? 

But I would like to know if anyone here watch these kind of videos and feel urge to gamble. 

Again, thank you very much! 

[Min83]

Thanks a lot for your warm and nice advice.

Only few weeks ago, I was miserable and lost.

Now, I feel really positive and happy.

I really feel I am not alone here and I really cannot thank you guys enough for warm and nice advice.

It is true.

I should avoid all the temptation.

It is so crazy that in my mind, my inner voice is already telling me ’its okey. Just one night out would not hurt anyone…and your finance is controlled by your husband anyway…’

It is really crazy indeed…. 

[nevertoolate]

But I told him I would still like to do the casino night outs because it is my only leisure and he said it is okey.

this line really worries me. As a compulsive gambler, I used to think I could go out with my friends from time to time just to spend some free time with them. I was dead wrong. Now my friends know that I am a compulsive gambler, so they don’t invite me to their casino nights. In fact, i told them not to invite me as I have a problem with gambling.

You acknowledged that you are a problem gambler, my advice to you is to stop completely because as most of us do, you could have a relapse and go back to your old way.

Once someone is addicted to gambling, it is very hard to quit. I mean extremely hard to quit gambling all together. I truly believe you should avoid going to casino at all cost, find something else to do to enjoy your time.

[nevertoolate]

I used to watch poker videos, famous streamers playing blackjack on online sites because I thought watching these would somewhat hold back my urge to gamble myself with my money. They do not help, they only increase your thoughts about gambling. I’ve been blocking all channels about gambling on youtube because they keep popping up as recommended videos.

I feel like you are from where I am from by your username. gambling was also illegal in my home country. Please do not associate with anything that is related to gambling if you really want to get rid of gambling in your life. 

[Min83]

Thank you very much for your good and honest advice. 

I thought somehow those videos will make me not to gamble with my money as well. 

I am so glad to ask this question and I know now that I should avoid thses too.

I really would like to stop but as time goes by,  I know that some moment I will have urges to gamble again.

When it comes, I really would like to avoid and win over this feelings. 

What do you do usually over come urges? 

[Seanraj4731]

Hello Min
Read your journal you know where you were and now you are looking for something better. What really snapped me outta of this habit : its wasn’t a slapped of divorce, still went back to those places, it wasn’t the car accident, its wasn’t the family crisis, its wasn’t the 5 months vacation, the biggest breaking point came to me after I spend time reading people testimonials on this forum was my HEALTH.
Lo and behold the health is my biggest greatest wealth. I am going to take better care of my health. The habit had a negative impact onto it.
Now you going to look closely at your train of thoughts and observe weather its in line with your perfectly good health.
Yes please take it into deep consideration.
Stay focused and keep your mind only on the goodness,,abundance of joy and happiness

[nevertoolate]

Honestly, I haven’t gotten rid of this addiction completely myself. I was living a gamble-free life, building my bank account back up, for a year and half before i relapsed in 2019. I self-excluded myself from all casinos around me in 2017, so that made me very hard to find a place to gamble, but I relapsed by going to a indian reservasion casino and online gambling sites. If I hadn’t self-banned myself in 2017 from casinos in the states, I probably would have lost all the saving that I had built up from 2017-2019. Self-exclusion was the best decision I made in terms of gambling. I live in the US, but there should be a law regarding self-exclusion in EU as well. 

When I gambled, I would always chase losses. If i lost 1000 dollars, I would go straight to ATM and pull 1000 more.. then 1000 more.. until I gave up chasing losses for that day. I would like to think I’m a smart person, but when it comes to gambling, I was the stupidest person on earth. I knew the house always wins, but I kept telling myself, ”I can get lucky this time, next time… I just need one good winning streak to get my losses back for the day..” I think this is the most dangerous thought you have when you gamble. 

I’m writing a diary to remind myself why I cannot afford to gamble anymore, it destroyed my self-esteem and changed my personality. When i was gambling, I isolated myself from the outside world, trying to escape the reality. I’m heading into week 2 and whenever i have an urge, i look at my diary. 

Also, I’m planning to attend GA meeting. These are the things I’m doing right now to avoid going back to online gambling websties. I can’t say for sure if these would help you because everyone handles things differently, but I found that they have been helping me control my urge. I’m still in my 20s and don’t have a wife or kids yet. I am so glad that I don’t have a family yet because I absolutely do not want my family to go through this process because of my problem.. this is the worst thing one can do to his/her family. You have a very supportive husband, which is very nice, but I want to warn you.. my parents trusted me with every life decision I made, but I can’t say the same right now. If you keep breaking promises, eventually they will have hard time trusting you. Don’t let yourself and your loving husband down by relapsing. The money that I’ve lost by gambling is over 100,000 dollars, but the thing that hurt me the most is that my parents do not trust me anymore.

Gambling can really ruin your relationship with your family members. it sounds like you haven’t gotten to that point yet. I think now is the perfect time for you to quit gambling before it gets worse. I’m truly happy for you that you acknowledged that you have a gambling problem before severe damages were done, I wish i did. Best of wishes to you! 

[Steev]

My advice was to find something else to do which is NOT gambling related – so yes – please give up the gambling youtube videos.

When I was looking for something else to do with my relaxation time, I tried a number of things. Some I abandoned quite quickly. Others I quite liked, but found that I lacked motivation. Then it struck me that I started gambling infrequently at first – and then as I got more into it (addicted I suppose) it became a regular habit. So I used my experience of gambling in some of my new hobbies. I started dancing. I was completely hopeless – but I didn’t give up and went more and more regularly, until I became okay and it became second nature. At one time I was out virtually every night. Addicted, maybe? But it was a positive addiction.

I haven’t gambled for 10 years or so – but I still check out this site virtually every day. Addicted?

Recently I have started to learn new languages – as I am travelling full-time. One language app I use tells me how many consecutive days I have been on the site. I have just checked and today is number 164! I might not be any better at French but at least I am consistent.

So, please find new things to do. Have fun trying things out and when you enjoy a new hobby or activity, keep at it. Thoughts of gambling will then happen less often, crowded out by other things. Enjoy your life.

[Min83]

It must have been very hard for you to telling me your story and I really really appeciate it.

I was same.

I mean in your head you know house edges and all but it always makes you think that ’today is my lucky day, today will be different’. 

I totally understand you and I would like to tell you that I trust you and you can beat this devil I am sure.

You have a good future ahead and let’s not this devil take your happiness. 

I am sure when time goes, you can build trust again with your parents. I am sure about it.

This is disease and we are victim about it, really…

But we say, ’you gotta clean up your own mess’. 

Let’s focus on clearing up the mess which we caused but do not blame yourself too much. 

I was quitting and relapsed again, quit – relapsed…like fast 2years so I totally understand your feeling and those urges.

But this time, I feel strong because I have support from my family and you guys.

I hope when it comes, I can get over it! 

Thanks a lot for your advice again and as you said, 

It is never too late! 

[Min83]

Thank you very much for your advice and I will try to focus on goodness and happiness in life.

I am pretty happy that I came out with this addiction. 

The support and advice I got from you guys.. is really really helping me a lot. 

I hope I can be a help to someone too in the future! 

[Min83]

10years!!

Its so good. Well done.

I hope one day, I could say same as you.

I will try to look for something else as you did and hopefully I can find it soon! 

Thanks again!

[nevertoolate]

I keep telling myself, this is the last chance i can get rid of this addiction and re-build my life.

Gambling is funny.. in an evil way. I know this is my last opportunity, but gambling still comes to my mind from time to time. 

I’ve been contacting online casinos to self-exclude from gambling. My goal is to get my accounts permanently banned from all major online gambling sites by the end of this week.

I’m relieved that even online gambling sites have a self-exclusion policy in place. 

You should really think about self-exclusion! It is the best way to be gamble free in my opinion!

At first, I was hesitant to register myself as a problem gambler and self-exclude from gambling permanently because I had this thought, ”one day maybe i can enjoy gambling like normal people do”

Well, I can’t

Thank God for the self-exclusion program. 

[Min83]

Yes, I already self-excluded many of online gambling sites and I am thinking to install gambling blocking software. 

Well done  and let’s be strong! 

I too, hoping that I can be like normal person and enjoy gambling time to time..  

But I know this is very dangerous thought.. 

The mind work.. I hope I can beat it.

For few days, i even stopped watching YouTube channel (i only follow one guy but he upload video daily).

I feel good myself and I hope you too!

Happy valentine’s 🙂 

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