Barely a week goes by when I dont hear of someone relapsing, whether its on this forum, at various GA rooms or ex residents of Gordon House. On top of that I regularly speak to addicts who are seeking help for the first time or in very early recovery but sadly so many slip up very quickly.
For me this is one of the ways I keep myself in check. Its sounds awful, but I gain my strength from hearing of others who are struggling. It makes me even more determined to make sure I dont get complacent and stay on top of my self awareness.
Regardless of the addiction, be it compulsive eating, alcohol drugs or gambling, for those that attempt recovery, only a minority dont relapse. A lot of people say you shouldn’t worry about the statistics as what ever research you do they will never look good. I dont worry about the stats but I do what ever I can to make sure I fall on the right side of the stats. Because so many of us at some point will relapse I therefore will do anything and everything to make sure I will not become one of those people.
There is no two ways about it. Recovery is tough and it is not for wimps. If you want to give yourself the best change of recovery then you must take action. Time and time again I read posts and speak to people that have still not self barred from casinos, that dont have gamblock ( or something similar on their computers), that find an excuse not to get to a GA meeting, that have not told friends or family, that have not cut off their access to money, that think they can do it alone or think they are different etc…. and when I question them I get the same excuses all the time. And that is what they are, excuses and nothing more.
Trust me, I know how hard it is at the beginning. I knew all the things i should have been doing to help myself at first but didn’t do any of them. I thought i was different, I thought I could stop by myself and yes I was also in denial! I was a complete wimp and couldn’t find the courage to start recovery. So instead i continued gambling until I lost everything and everyone that I loved. I chose to lie, steal and cheat before attempting recovery. I chose to ruin my marriage, get myself a nasty criminal record and suspended sentence and risk everything instead of recover.
I cant count the number of times i logged on to this site and thought to myself after reading for hours that tomorrow will be the day. Tomorrow I will stop. Tomorrow I will come clean, tomorrow I will tell my wife and give er my money, tomorrow I will go to GA…….
But when tomorrow came, I did I ever do it? Not a chance, the desire had gone to stop and the desire to gamble filled me up again. I was to much of a wimp to act immediately. Why did it always have to be tomorrow????
So for anyone that have come this far and found this forum, I urge you to act now or risk not acting tomorrow. I started my recover 19 months ago, it has been tough but also rewarding. I still know that there is a significant chance of me relapsing some day in the future (maybe tomorrow) and that is why i continue to read this forum, go to GA and speak to some ex residents of GH who have become great friends.