[brerio]

Hello everyone,

I have decided to quit gambling. I last gambled yesterday morning but I have excluded myself from my 3 gambling sites. I played Poker and Roulette.

In Poker I used to play a spin and go format, where there is a spin before the game starts. I wagered 100euro and most of the time the jackpot would be 200, sometimes 400 or 600, rarely 1000.

I once went up 1.7k and then lost it all going down to minus 1k. In total I have probably lost 5k or 6k to gambling. I have had to transfer one fifth of the cash from my savings account made by my parents. 

This i have done secretely, and secrecy is of course an enormous part of gambling.

I can feel the nawing, the urge to play. But I have self excluded from my 3 sites and I actually feel my stomach turn in disgust at the idea of signing up to other sites, and I flinch at the idea of entering my name address etc on a gambling site; a process that would just make me feel that i am mega relapsing. I have thought of only doing sports betting, which I have not done much of apart from a time where I gradually and in a controlled way won 1200 euro in 2013, just by betting all my winnings on a team scoring in football. But I know it is not a good idea to start this again. In fact I lost those 1.2k in 2013 by goin to online casino section after having lost 200 of those euros on a bet. 

I just need to make this rule that i do not put money into betting games of any sort, that i only use money on sure returns, such as buying food or a smartphone for example. Money must be spent reasonnably and that is what i do, as i always check for the cheapest flight etc, and hate it when i feel like i am overpaying for something and therefore do not. In short, I do have an understanding of the value of money. 

If I manage to quit gambling, then my money spending will be nice and tight. 

I don’t do in casino gambling, because my roulette bets are do dense and complicated to be done physically with other people round the table. I also don’t do in person poker games as I have always felt that I would not be able to hide my emotions. I also suffer from a considerable degree of social anxiety, which is complicating things for me professionally. The real danger is online gambling. In fair, my anxiety issues did make me turn to gambling in the sense that i thought this is what could get me sorted financially and I would not need to work. Like may gamblers I am optimistic, and thought I could make it as a professional online poker player. I do feel foolish looking back.

In the process of my gambling issues, they have spun from june 2018 to yesterday, I have had to sell many of my posessions such as my ipad, laptop and a watch i got as a present. I got 900 euros for those but all that money is gone. 

The way i look at it now is that I need to respect those savings that i have and just generally respect what money is and not throw it away into gambling. 

In 2014, when i used to go to the casino casually and rarely(just bet red or black on roulette) and stop at 50 pounds downn, I asked a friend if he wanted to join me and another friend who were going to the casino that evening. He answered in a quite indignated fashion »Lose money? No way!» and i picture it all again now and how right he is — don’t risk money and don’t give the casino a chance to take it from you.

Poker is diferent as technically you are up against other players but the casino does take a share of each pot. Then again it is the same process where I am subjecting my money to the laws of luck, which is just as bad.

This Christmas 2018, I missed so many opportunities due to having lost money and being isolated (I could play poker all day). For example I could have gone to visit friends abroad who were urging me to come. I could have welcomed a girl at my parent’s place and gone out with her to show her my city. She was keen to come, I just made up excuses. 

I have robbed myself of a lot of happiness these past 8 months and I don’t want that to happen again. I also want to protect my money and my savings. I am actually glad that I am not in the position where all my saings are gambled away. I am still in a position to protect them.

So, to wrap it up, I am starting on a journey and I want to succeed. No more gambling ever again!

[brerio]

It’s gone ok, I’ve been watching a lot of Netflix with restless leg syndrome. Had to fix a laptop I’ve borrowed and whilst booting up each time trying new solutions, and the anticipation of it would work or not was a bit like the anticipation on roulette. One solution worked and I celebrated like when winning at roulette. Pfff not sure what to think. Happy lap top works again. ^^

[Nick]

Welcome brerio to our community. You have made a wise decision in stopping now before it’s too late and all your savings have gone, take all the advice you will get on here and use it . 🙂

[dunc]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[brerio]

Damn I woke up this morning and while still in sleep haze had the urge to wager 100 on a spin n go poker game. Then I remembered that I’ve banned myself. And got very frustrated for a minute. Then back to sleep and when waking up properly thought thank goodness I have these blocks for not gambling in place!

[brerio]

Thank you for your comment. I’ve been reading through some of your journal. I got to end of November. Well done for that £1 a day charity initiative! How are you today? Best wishes.

[brerio]

So I played with play money and guess what won a big load and then went all the way down to 50% of what I started with. That’s been the story of the past 8 months but with real money! I’m feeling at peace right now. Good evening everyone 🙂

[brerio]

Still going good. Being excluded from all my gambling sites is a very helpful thing. Been out all weekend with friends partying and getting laid. Only negative is a high alcohol consumption but I do use alcohol as a crutch for gaining more confidence.

[tekiesha]

try not to use free play to often you might get suckered back into playing for real. But well done for reaching day 2. I’m starting day one again coz I gambled today ooops. I’m determined this time not to gamble though.

[brerio]

Thanks for your answer. Yeah I know what you mean but up till now it’s helped me calm my urges.

[maverick.]

Hope you are keeping well Brerio and hope this finds you enjoying life gamble free, good to read your posts and of you doing well, likewise what Tiekisha said about free play I know for me that would be a massive trigger as keeps that fire inside me burning and wanting more, keep sharing and wish you well.

Maverick

[brerio]

2 weeks free of gambling. Happy about this. I’ve had two nights including yesterday’s where I was gambling in my dreams, experiencing the euphoria and then the losses and then the ‘oh why did I gamble and break my commitment not to gamble’ ….. so I was actually relieved when I woke up that it was just a dream!

[brerio]

2 months and still haven’t gambled since I decided to quit. Today I revised figures of my losses and actually it seems like it was a 10k loss in total. This is hitting me like a bus. But I’m rationalising and summoning my strength.
Since I quit gambling I’ve also made a few lifestyle changes — 10 fruit and veg per day, lots of exercise and less alcohol. I feel better but today I’m a bit down as I think about what I could have done with all that lost money.
I have to be forward facing. It’s my birthday soon and will receive some cash prezzies from around the family (1k total I’d say). I’m wondering if I should just tuck that money into my bank account and thereby fill some of the hole made by my losses, or spend the money on holidays.

[Berta24449787]

Congrats on 2 months and happy birthday. Take your presents and invest in short term options. If you cant touch it you cant spend it (or gamble it) and you can begin the thought process of investing in your future. I’m on day two and want to get to day 60 and will keep trying. Remember even though you fail in the past you can be an inspiration to others now and in the future. Think of this as a parallel to drug addiction. You are not cured after the first day or week. It’s a maintenance program that requires daily attention and gets easier with time. Believe in yourself and don’t let your guard down. I will do the same

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