[bjmice]

CHRISTMAS 2007

11-28-07

 

The last 4 months have been tough; I am in BK now and owe everyone. I blew up another $20,000 at the casinos. V does not know the extent of the financials. Neither do I. It’s a sin.

12-06-07

It’s been awhile since I have written anything signifigant in here. I know that I have a lot going on right now. The house is in foreclousure, the creditors and bill collectors are calling me incessantly. There is no end to the collectors. And it seems after all my struggle and opportunity this is what my finances have come to a COMPLETE downfall and now I have to re-invent myself and start over again. I guess it doesn’t matter that I am in debt. 

[bjmice]

03-13-2018

I read this email and the notes I sent to my self over 10 years and they are a warning to me to discontinue the madness. However, in the last 12 months it has been a total and complete disaster. I no longer play poker, the new poison is Baccarat with Dragon 40-1 and Panda 25-1.

This is an extremely fast and addictive game with extreme highs and lows. I can analyze this as the jekyll and hyde. Dr Jekyll lives by day a normal computer guy and by nights and weekends a ******* maniac drinking fool at the casinos. I will never recover the money lost in the last 12 years. It’s gone. I will not recover the money lost in the last 2 years, or the last 12 months. It’s just simply gone.

TIME is another thing. How many hours, days, all-night binges, missed work and friends/family events have I missed in the last 12 years?

3 Days a week at 15 hours; let’s say 60 hours a month x 12 Months, 720 Hours a year x 12 Years, 8,640 Hours.

PROS:

Exciting, Adrenaline Rush
A chance to win money, free food and drinks.
Social Interaction, Center of attention.

CONS:

Lose a lot of money, time.
Not Healthy.
Lose Friends, relationships.
Lose Trust
Loss causes depression, lose sleep.
Feel tired, exhausted after a long session.
Recovery of lost funds, missed bill payments and obligations.

From a film based on my life:

fucked up again, man I don’t know what’s up with that, I think I blew
up about 8,000 thousand dollars like an idiot fool…. I was at the
Grand last night till 1am, losing as usual, then went over to OAKS at
1:30am to play 30-60 and was back to about within $500.00 negative and could
not cut my losses…what a ******* idiot I am for not stopping right
there, spent the night and stayed for breakfast lunch and Dinner. *******
sucks, fuck it I am done it’s like an alter ego, I am not in my right
mind I mean 30-60 bets every hand? Even $120 bets pre-flop? Can I afford
to play at this level? This shit’s crazy man, this ******* games’ got
me hooked -somethin fierce. I can’ stop, it’s like a black hole I get
swept up in it. This gambling shit -it’s no joke, what kinda job can you
go to where you risk your own money every day on the flip of a card?
And what are you going to do when card turn cold? I mean really cold? I
am talking months of no ******* cards just rags and tags, aces when you
get low-ball, low-ball when you kings to flop.

[marke]

Money and time are things we all lose.
Time to take action
Try and forget about the money it has gone.
Coming on here works
Counselling works
Blockers work
Filling your time with productive things works
I am in early days my friend so I am not trying to be smug or preach. I have made plenty of mistakes. Just saying what has worked for me so far.
There is a better life out there without gambling.
I was thinking about something tonight. Everybody on this site really is incredibly strong. To plough on with the burden of gambling is immense!!! It really is.
Imagine who we could be without it?????
Take care
Mark

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