[izzi25]

Hey family,
I am sitting in some shopping centre writing this post with the last couple of dollars to my name. This time this addiction has let everything go way too far. Desperation doesnt even come close to what I am feeling right now. Even ashamed to let you know what I have done. What has now become of me. My life is pretty much over. I have ruined any option I had of staying out of trobule. I must be honest and share from the start. I got paid three days before christmas and desperately needed a bit more money to be able to cover all expenses. I gambled, I won and then i just kept going and I lost everything. My friend bailed me out who knows about cg by giving me $300. I was able to give sister money for presents and have some money left. It was all good. I got lucky. Then I decided to cg a couple days later and lost everything. Out of complete fear that now i cant spend any time with my relatives who are down becuase I have no money, I cg. I lost it all. So the next day when I was at work I took out $130 of the works account and lost it. And today i saw $250 in my sisters drawer and took that out of desperation to undo everything. Had every intent to pay it back(those famous words).  I lost it. Panicked. Pawned my beautiful mobile phone. And lost all that. No one has access to me. I told my parents I was working tonight. Meant to be staying at a friends house but she cancelled. And others said no. I have no where to go. I contacted my sister via fb and told her that I need help and she needs to help me. This is me asking for intervention. And I told her about the money I took. My sister is naturally crazy and just over reacts to everything. Cant fathom what she will do when she sees me. Last time she threatened to tell all my friends. They probably know by now. I really have no idea whatsoever. I think i need to go home tonight but not really ready to face anyone. This is so frigging bad. I am terrified of getting kicked out of home. Dont know what to do about work either. This is just a complete disaster. And i just wish sister would check her facebook so i would know what she was thinking/feeling. Going to jump online to help chat.
Dont know whats going to happen tonight. Could very much end up on the streets. Dont think im strong enough to face them and hear them. Any wisdom would help. In a way this is good because now I cant hide. But those who follow my posts know how ugly this all gets in my house hold. Hoping I can post to you all soon.
 

[desdemona]

Happy New Year Izzi! I’m so glad that you are on track for recovery. I’m happy for you that your sister didn’t freak out when you told her about your addiction and the things you did to be able to continue gambling. We didn’t accumulate the debt overnight so it will take some time to pay it back. A suggestion might be to sit down and talk to your sister about taking longer than a year to pay your debts back. Many recovering cgs have deliberately made the decision to pay it back in a fashion that doesn’t leave them just working to pay debt, but that allows funds to attend weddings, treat themselves on a regular basis, etc. As rcgs we need to relearn the value of money and having some to spend on a discretionary basis is a necessity. Make 2012 your year Izzy, one day at a time. You deserve recovery! Carole 

[izzi25]

A year of NO SURRENDER! you got it.
Carole8755 thats such great advice. Honestly I have ambitions to travel for a little bit in 2012. I probably dont deserve it and its not ideal to spend money I could use to pay off debt however I cant continue to punish myself forever for the cg addiction. I have no idea how one pays that much debt off in a year. If my income was more than yes but it isnt. And really when I get myself self excluded from all the cg venues I really wont need my sister to control my money. But will go with it for now. Until I feel myself getting some control back in my life.
Happy New Year to all you beautiful people. Thanks for the encouragement and love. We can and we will do this.

[izzi25]

Tomorrow night is pay night. Have all the barries in place including my pay going directly into my little sisters bank account. Tonight I am going away for three to four days with family. This will allow me to clear my mind and to just remember who I am. The coming of the new year really has impacted me to remember and to embrace my dreams and desires. Today is day 6. I keep telling myself you havent cg in 2012 and this beg smile just comes upon my face and I rejoyce. Feeling so empowered right now. This can be accomplished it can be beaten. Dont give up and don’t give in. We were born to be free.

[sadbuttrue]

Good work Izzi you can do this, you have it within you. I wish you continued strength. Cheers Sadbuttrue

[izzi25]

Thanks SBT.
My pay came and it went straight into my sisters account. It really is a sense of relief. However I am not very happy that my sister said she wouldnt transfer me some money so that I could take some and just take it out at the bank with my license. I am away at the moment with family and she is in Melbourne at work. I only wanted like $40 and she totally said there would be none of this transferring business. That is total control and I dont like it. She wants to personally hand me my spending money in increments. She should really lighten up after I self exclude from all the places. Even if I wanted to go, I couldnt. This arrangement is sort of weighing on me now. I have plans for April and May and im worried she will be putting all the money towards debt that she wont save anything. I hope this arrangement doesnt get ugly at all.
Today is day 8. Hope you are all doing good. Hope anyone has further advice for me. We really havent had a chance to speak one on one with my sister and she hasnt been responding to my emails. Only a fool plays a fools game

[vera]

maybe your sister is not the best person to hold your money Izzi?
If it is leading to stress and conflict, I would get somebody else. Think of her side of the bargain. If you sink you will pull her down too. Is she afraid that might happen? Maybe she is still angry with you and using her new power to control you. All very unhealthy ways of dealing with your problem, Izzi. I think you entered this arrangement very quickly Izzi and you sound resentful, already!
Just my thoughts!

[izzi25]

Wow feeling so blessed and empowered. Thank you ALL, so much! It’s 51 days today wow that sounds like alot. In less than a week I turn 30. Have so much to look forward to. I must remember I have overcome this and must walk forward with it.Only a fool plays a fools game

[amyyy]

Hey Sista! How u doin chicky? Read up a little on ur thread cos i havent been on in a while- and way to go!
Congratulations on the new job! So proud of ya- and im sure ur relieved and excited and much more settled and feeling heaps positive about the future now.
Wow! Almost 2mnths chicky- now that is amazing and fighting off them urges to gamble- ur doing so well!
And even catching up with the cute guy hey? lol- sounds interesting x
Heres to many more gamble free days- and enjoying life without the burden of gambling! Cheers x

[Аноним]

well sounds like its becoming a walk in the park for ya and hope that stroll just keeps getting better as ya go.

[izzi25]

Amy thanks for following me I feel so special. Oh yeah the cute guy, there was always two guys. But now I decided who I like, so yeah. Nothing happening at this point.
Cant believe its my birthday this week. Sister still hasnt given me money i emailed her, no response. I am going to tell her tonight that I need it. And if she doesnt give it to me, well i am going to have to tell dad. Cause I need it and im starting to stress out. I don’t get paid from my new job until another 17 days, thats a long time.
Another gamble free day! wow think this friday or saturday will make 2 months wow what a great birthday present TO ME! yay go Lina!
Sucks2bme, thanks man. We can beat this one day at a time 🙂
 Only a fool plays a fools game

[i am hope]

Izzi you are doing so well, good on you.  Be proud of yourself Izzy this is no easy thing.  I am on day 4 this time round and it gives me hope seeing posts like yours
 Living with Hope

[izzi25]

I_am_hope, that gives me hope as well to know that. Day 54 I am two days shy of two months. What a great birthday present to myself, one day shy of the big 30.
On an update note with the sister situation today she gave back half the money owing. The anixety has definately lifted, however its not her decision how much she gives back. My dad was told everything yesterday so in order to get the next batch it will go through him. Will let it slide for a couple of weeks. And see how things go. This is progress people, progress. Remember baby steps all one at a time.
BLESSINGS!!!!Only a fool plays a fools game

[Аноним]

well good to hear your getting some of that cash back.  hope ya get it to that friend there for safe keeping quick.  having a pile of cash on hand can be kinda tempting.  you come to far to stumble now and wanna see them day build for you.

[izzi25]

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! IT IS 2013 a chance to start over again.
I have been busy with work and went away for a little bit during the christmas holidays. Things are going ok, starting to feel the real emotional imbalance take affect. My pastor is currently looking into helping me get some counselling for the addiction, he is looking into some trusted contacts. That is something I have to look forward to, hoping it comes through all ok.
I have been cg clean, I haven’t really been ******** but off the top of my head its 20+ days or something.
Applefarm — I did at the start gamble on my phone, but I deleted that app and I do not have much access to my money as my dad is looking after it.
Now I am excited about dad looking after my money and the possibility of being able to save again. The only thing begin i know when I need to dig into the savings for something it will be a battle. I will wait and see what happens first.
Thanks for all your kind words and love everyone.
Blessings!
 Only a fool plays a fools game

[chubbycat]

Hi there Izzi
I am so pleased to see that you are back.. that is fantastic. I often wonder how you are doing. Congrats on the 20+days could have been none.. So many dont come back at all. Really good to see you here. Happy new year
Chubby

[izzi25]

Thanks Chubba!
Still feeling the crazy roller coaster. Dads only been helping me manage my money for like a month if that, he already wants to make some changes to my spending etc. He thinks l spend too much etc but l don’t, l barely have money to socialise. I love that dads helping me but a part of me thinks it’s going to be for the worse instead of the better.
And if l pull out of getting his assistance he probably will kick me out. So as long as l am there, l am stuck.
I think l am a week shy from of my first month of being clean.Only a fool plays a fools game

[desdemona]

Hi Izzi! From my own personal experience, most men greatly underestimate what it costs for things. Could you negotiate with your Dad where you would give him a weekly account of your expenditures, item by item, with receipts? It would give you both a realistic account of where your money is going, and maybe the two of you could agree on a weekly "allowance" that you could spend socializing. That may lessen the strain of having your father manage your finances. Carole  

[joesm1th]

I may not have the same problem as you do but if it is anything I’m drawing strength from you right now!  i know people with even simpler problems who have totally given up on it/themselves even though they have the solutions within reach.  i know its been a year since you posted this and am hoping you’re well -joe

[izzi25]

***** EVERYONE! just a quick update. Things are going good. I start my new job in a week and today I checked the balance of my debt and it is under 9000. And I started saving for my trip to America in Sept to study. I am barely saving loose change at the moment but it is a start. And I am still clean and going strong. I wake up everyday happy and alive, depression is no more. Have taken back control and it is POSSIBLE everyone. Not sure how long I have been clean for, stopped ******** after 40 days and unsure when that was. I will try and post once a week or at least once a fortnight just to let you all know how I am going. And see how you are all going. This doesn’t have to be the be all end all, FIGHT!
Blessings and loveOnly a fool plays a fools game

[izzi25]

***** EVERYONE! just a quick update. Things are going good. I start my new job in a week and today I checked the balance of my debt and it is under 9000. And I started saving for my trip to America in Sept to study. I am barely saving loose change at the moment but it is a start. And I am still clean and going strong. I wake up everyday happy and alive, depression is no more. Have taken back control and it is POSSIBLE everyone. Not sure how long I have been clean for, stopped ******** after 40 days and unsure when that was. I will try and post once a week or at least once a fortnight just to let you all know how I am going. And see how you are all going. This doesn’t have to be the be all end all, FIGHT!
Blessings and love.Only a fool plays a fools game

[izzi25]

Thanks ??
Just over thee months clean & l start my new position for tomorrow.Only a fool plays a fools game

[p]

Hey Izzi that is amazing well done. What a fantastic achievement
P

[izzi25]

Life is great! I am 116 days clean and I just started a new role at my work and enjoying it. Slowly but surely walking my way to financial freedom.
How is everyone else going?
I love having cg free thinking the thoughts are less and less and now I do not notice pokie place like they use to be highlighted before.
 Only a fool plays a fools game

[sherrie]

It’s good to hear that life is great!!! Thanks for sharing Izzi, did me a power of good to read your positive post.
Sherrie
xoxoxox

[vera]

Delighted to hear you are making such great progress Izzi!
Never forget those ***** when you were down in that deep hole trying to grope your way to the surface and you would keep slipping back.
You deserve the best Izzi. I had faith in you from Day One. I knew you would make it to the top.
Very well done!

[izzi25]

Woah 122 days clean today yay feeling good. It was my birthday a couple days ago and it was made extra special by being gamble free. I found out last week I have been accepted to study in America commencing September I will be over in the States for 10 months, this is such a dream come true.Only a fool plays a fools game

[framesandy88]

Hi izzy wat a wonderful story , u should hold your head high because YOU beat a very bad disease called gambling, I’m 25 and I hit my rock bottom last week, blew all my money on my credit card, bank card, I had $100 to last me a week, can u please give me advice, is it best to hand my mum my keycards and credit cards, kind regards

[izzi25]

WAHOO 175 DAYS CLEAN! I am a week away from 6 months 🙂
So so excited yeah baby.

[p]

Well done Izzi. Wow six months is wonderful. Just look at you go…
P

[izzi25]

On the 8th of Dec I started my journey (again) to give up gambling once and for all. It is very safe to say that I have made it 6 months clean. This is such a milestone for me, it really seems like a lifetime ago that I found myself playing the pokies begging the machine for free games as I was onto my last dollar was so ever desperate. Glad that those days are well behind me. I still get urges now and then but they become less and I get stronger. I am so glad to feel «normal: again to not have my mind consumed on pokie machines and money. It is by far now way to live and no way anyone should live their life. If you are reading this and you struggle with this addiction you need to step out and get help. I am proof that it is possible to stop for it to be a thing of the part regardless of how much pain and hurt you have caused. I thought my family would kick me out and my dad would disown me. Have hurt very close friends and family members and our relationships are being restored. Even better and greater then what it was before.
You can do this and you WILL do it!
So thankful and greatful for this day glad to be alive and breathing.
Love you family.Only a fool plays a fools game

[Аноним]

What a marvelous post, Izzi and congratulations on being 6 months gambling free.  What an enormous achievement.  I have read your posts in the past and I am so happy to see how wonderfully well you have done this time.  Keep drinking in the glorious feeling each and every day.  Stay as strong as you are now and keep moving forward into a successful future.  All the best.  RG

[Автор]

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