- Acest subiect are 23 de răspunsuri, 7 opinii și a fost actualizat ultima dată acum 5 ani, 10 luni de .
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I am 43 years old and started to gamble in 2013 for the first time in my life. At that time a had everything I wanted, A job I loved, A bought a new house, I had savings, good friends…..But I did not realised at that time that I did not had new goals for the future and I was feeling empty and alone.
That was the perfect time to get hooked in de gambling. In 2014 I lost my savings and had depts. From having money to days no money to even buy milk…It was hard, confronting, sad, scary and I was very angry at myself. I lost myself and I became my worst enemy.
I never thought It will come so far that gambling will be a part of me on daily bases. I did everything to overcome my addiction. In the first year I knew I was addicted to gambling but I could not stop. From going to casinos I started to play online. I got couseling, I told my family, I gave my bankcard to my brother, i gave my hole income to a organisation to help me with paying off my depts.
Now, 6 years after the first time gambling, My depts is almost payed of, I have a nice savings, new good job…but still gambling…I never quit gambling..The only thing that keeps me from losing everything is because my brother checks my accounts and keeps my bankcard at his home. But I realise that I want to trust myself again to have my bankcard in my own house without loosing controle and make a mess again. When I look back it was hard and a long proces to come where I am now.
It is time and my new goal is: next year in october I will get my bankcard back and be gamble free!!!! I want to enjoy my life againg without gambling. I have everything I want like in 2012 but the problem is still there….Being bored and how to deal with stress….That is my problem and the solution is finding a replacment dealing with this issues on daily bases…tomorow I will talk about this with my counseler.
I do not feel sad about this. I am happy that the wish to stop never left my mind and the motivation is still there!!!I am sorry for my english. I am from holland. I want to thank everybody who reads my story…And hope for some support!!
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Hi Rachel
I can see my story coincide with yours in the fact that controlling an addiction is not the same as ending it.The symptoms of doing something self-destructing are still present. And so one lives a shitty existence despite cutting your losses. Or so we think. Cutting losses means stopping forever. And even then, you are not cutting losses, you are cutting the symptoms. That is the goal. To end the symptoms and not the losses. This is where we should be focusing on. Remember, you haven’t lost money, you have invested in losing your happiness. Start investing in regaining your happiness. Our minds are clever and deceive us. We believe the real pain is the money, but it’s not. It’s continuing to self-destruct. Why do we self-destruct? It’s hard to accept that we decided to self-destruct. And so we fixate on the money we’ve lost and convince ourselves that THAT is the real issue. Loving yourself truly, is like peeling the layers of a rainbow. Glowing is a process, and quite an extraordinary one when you actively drench yourself in it. Deep inside you are happy. You’ve always been. You’ve just never accepted it. And if you don’t believe in it, how can you act on it?
Take care, take control.
-Qwerty
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Hello Rachel and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
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Thank you both, I am brand new on here and already being moved and challenged by what little I have read. Rachel, I hope you get there, it reads to my amateur eyes like you have already made progress, so well done.
Qwerty, two things you wrote really challenged me: that it isn’t about the money, it is our investment in our own unhappines. And, that we decide to self destruct. At this point, I am continuously asking myself ‘What the f*** were you thinking?’ as I stare into the abyss of more enormous losses. Maybe there is a thread in your statements for me to pull at to try and get to an answer.
I’ll keep you posted, all the best
Quint
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Hi Rachel
Being scared or worried can be a trigger but the shift will happen if you gamble or not
Is there anyhting you can do to reduce the situation, maybe have another colleague with you.. have a number and a word you can use to warn others of your fears
Take Care
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Fantastic response Rachel
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I admire your positive spirit Rachel and I look forward to reading more posts from you as you take control of your life and thoughts.
Sometimes we all need somebody on our side to help us overcome a problem and I hope that you will continue to find the support that you deserve as you embrace your gamble-free life in this forum. The emptiness you feel will pass as you build confidence in yourself – it takes courage to fight the addiction to gamble and you are showing that you have that courage in everything you write.
The definition of a team is a group of individuals who join together to achieve a common goal and I hope you will soon get the backing from your working colleagues team that you deserve. Do you carry, or have easy access to, an alarm?
You are in my thoughts
Velvet -
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Online gambling was what you used to do, Rachel!
No need to repeat the past.
Lock down all your „devices”. Plan to meet a friend.
Stay strong and you will be happy to post
„I didn’t gamble”.
Well done on posting in advance of a disaster! -
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I think about the times that I had to run to the market to get pre paid cards to play online. The embarassment of buying hundreds of dollars worth and knowing that they wouldnt last me long.Trying to think about where else i could go that I hadnt been ina while… I think about the humiliation of looking at my account and seeing „electronic transfer” charges over and over until my account was thousands into the negative.What they must think of me at the bank. I hoped and hoped that i wouldnt have to go to a teller and have her look at my transactions. I think back to these things and more… the credit card statements, overdrawn accounts. How great it is to be two months free of the bank charges. No more credit card issues (no more credit cards). No running to the store, annoyed that i would have to wait an hour or so to continue playing. Try to remember all of these feelings too and give them as much attention as you give the yearnings. Its only fair and it will help you in the long run. Feel pride in what you havent done at the same time you feel shame over what you have and eventually the havents will feel stronger than the haves. Thats recovery.
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