[Crb]

I’ll start here in this forum. I have gambled in the past but rarely and never much money. My mom passed away in July and it has sent me into a tailspin. I started gambling again in August on online casinos and since then I have let things spiral out of control. My husband is being very supportive, hes also feeling lost and confused. I feel like I have failed all of my loved ones, especially my husband. I’m scared. I’m a rational person, I know the odds, but I keep chasing losses like I can undo it all somehow. I know I cant. But the desperation to undo it keeps winning over my rationality. I hope to make today my last day of gambling. I’m scared I’ll fail, I’m scared I’ll ruin my marriage, I’m scared I’ll keep running us into debt.

But I’m here, and that’s a start.

[MurrS7]

Welcome . The first step is you have joined this amazing forum with lots of similar people with similar stories just like yours and mine in which you can relate to and know you are not alone. First let me start off by saying I am very sorry for the loss of your mother. I can see how this sent you into a spiral as usually every compulsive gambler gets deep into the vortex of gambling when a traumatic life issue takes place, it’s an outlet for us to escape our emotions while we are gambling, only to actually have that plan backfire on us when we lose our Money and then when we leave there now we have one more problem to deal with. I am all too familiar with chasing losses and let me tell you it does not work. I have actually recouped my losses 3-4 times up in the high thousands. Just to convince my brain that I am back at even. Let’s try to be smarter with gambling this time, only to lose it all again, and more of my own, and then here comes using the banks money to try to recoup the losses. I will never forget going on a 20-30 binge losing streak chasing a small loss that turned into a mountain of debt.. it’s like a nightmare in front of our very eyes we ask ourselves how in the world did it come to this. The good news is you can stop now and not dig that debt deeper. Sounds like you have a supportive husband who will be there for you. Have you tried G.A.? One on one councilling? It really helped me try to dig at the root of why I gambled so heavily. And it is an eye opener to hear and see other people’s stories just like yours and mine. It’s hard for someone who has never experienced a gambling addiction or an addiction of any kind to truly understand just how brutal this is for us… that’s why it’s nice to have people here and at ga to relate to. Like I said- you are not alone and you can live a gamble free life again, it is 100% possible. And I am not going to lie to you and tell you it will be easy. There may be relapses, there may be failures in your recovery like there was in mine, but those relapses and failures are all part of the process , so please be gentle on yourself. I was once told you can quit , but you got to really want it bad, you got to want it so bad that you do everything in your power to stop.(hand over access of your finances to your husband, attend weekly GA. And one on one counselling, I’ve recently found counselling covered by social services since I have no money to pay for it due to gambling and mounted debt. Ban yourself from all online and land based casinos *right now*! , tell your husband you will do anything to quit this evil disease, show him the steps you will take to stop! ) i promise you it gets easier as the gamble free days add up, even though it seems like things will never turn around. There is hope, for all of us. Keep posting here, all of your thoughts and emotions , it truly helps even if sometimes it seems like it’s pointless. In the end, you will look back on this storm you made it out and saw the light. I’m rooting for you ! You can do this.

[Seanraj4731]

Thank you for sharing. This is the start of your new life now. From this moment forward you are gonna rethink rewire reset renew reboot your mindset. It is the begining of a new chapter of your life. May your mom soul rest in peace. You are here for your recovery. Be addicted to that path of self worth. Rediscover who you are and where do you see yourself from this moment moving forward. You gonna do this you gonna make this right.you gonna be honest and share this information to ths one you love.you gonna need help you gonna need the support. Be encourage sister you got this a mind to make positive in light of everything. Thank you. Keep on posting on your progress. Look forward to read more from you.

[dunc]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[Ryan123678]

Hello.
Great start admitting it and coming on here sorry about your loss.
As others have said ban yourself and let your husband know everything it helps slot sharing the problem with close ones.
Try to not be too harsh on yourself it is an illness and it might not seem like it now but each day gets a bit easier. I lost all my savings about 4 weeks ago and was physically sick for a few days. I keep coming back on here everyday it really helps reading other people’s stories and getting support when we get the urge to gamble.
We can all do this together one day at a time you have got this.

[Crb]

The support and insight on here is already so helpful. I am glad this exists. I’m working on my first 24 hours gamble free. I’m focusing on getting through today, one day at a time. I feel like this first 24 will probably be the hardest. I havent gone 24 hours without playing online slots since the end of October. I’ve only been awake a couple hours and already thought “just $10, $10 wont hurt”. But it will so I’m here instead.

To those who have replied this far, thank you so very much. I dont feel so alone in this anymore. I know I’m not the only one struggling. We can do this.

[Dark Energy]

just few practical actions that can help you:

1: install web blocking software, there is many free software online ( try K9) or try coldturkey.
this step will prevent the access to the websites where you are gambling.
2: close all the credit cards debit cards that you have so you will not be able to add money to your gambling account. just block the card or cutt it.
3: give the control to your partner, so he can handel the money part.

you are very vulnerable  at this stage, specially without apply the above.
keep reading the other members posts, there is many stories here that will give you an idea how to fight back.
and keep in yourmind this fact ( you can’t win money by gambeling)
if you win you will have euphoria and continue playing untill you lose it all
if you los you will back to chase your losses untill you lose it all
there is no 3rd option, our rational mind will go away once the game started.
good luck.

[Dark Energy]

please check the below link and install the blocking software.

Blockier- und Filtersoftware

I may add to the above steps to close your online gamblin accoints and ban your self with them if it is possible.

[Crb]

I actually just came across the blocking software and downloaded. I had already put myself on self exclusion or on a break from all but 1 account. And now thanks to the blocking software I am locked out of the last one. Thankful for that. I was using online interactions, which is difficult to block. I did ask my husband to change my password to our online banking so I cant access it without him giving me access but he didn’t want to do that. I’m blocked from all the sites now though. And the casinos and bars are not a temptation for me luckily.

That said, I did lose $40 this morning before I found and installed the blocking software. So I’m back to only a few hours, but I’m feeling much more free from it with the security of the blocking software in place.

[Dark Energy]

sorry for the 40$ loss but it looks like you are in the correct way.
try to build stratgies to prevent your self from gambling and don’t depend only on your willpower.

keep going on this way and you will c ount days and months not only hours.

I am in the 165th day it get easier as the time pass

good luck.

[Dark Energy]

you didn’t posts any thing for the last days, have you crossed your first 24 hr ? I hope so.
keep posting and keep reading the other members stories it will help you especially at this stage.

[Crb]

Thank you for checking in. Unfortunately I’m still working on getting through that 24. I’ve been getting longer stretches in between and tap out after 1 deposit is gone instead of chasing it with 3 or 4 more trying to get it back. Its progress but I know I need to get to the point where I dont feel like I need to play every day. I need to install the blocking software on my laptop but I’ve been reluctant to do it. It’s time to just do it and not allow myself to put it off anymore. 

[KiwiMac]

I really recommend the blocking software, as it means even if I want to gamble online (and there are still times I want to go back and chase my losses) I can’t, so it’s not mental torture trying to restrain myself, it’s just not an option. I use Gamban but I’m sure there are other ones out there. I’m gamble free 9 days now, and I don’t think I would have got that far without the blocking software to be honest. You can do this.

[Dark Energy]

hi please install it in your laptop as well ( please do it as you are reading this post, don’t think twice about it, just install it, it will realy help you), don’t wait more, what you are expecting from gambling?
it is a simple formula:
       case 1:     if you win you will continue playing to win more untill you lose it all. ( Don’t covince your with the usual thoughts : ” it is the last bet” , or “i will stop if i won so and so …,” or: i will risk this amount only … ” you will not stop belive me, we have been there and done that) . how many times you tried that and it didn’t work?. so please install it and help you self to stop.

case 2: if you lose you will chase your losses and lose more and more.

bothcases you will end up losing, so why you need to continue? and why you need to have an access to the gambling website ” a laptop without blocking sofware” knowing that makes the urges stronger,
belive me the urges will be less if you knew that there is no access to the money nor to the gambling site.

push your self to pass this first day GF, the days will start adding up, and your knowlage about this addiction and how to deal with it will increase as well .

finaly keep posting every day so you can monitor your progress regardless if it is a succesful day or no, here we know exactly what you are going through, no one will judge any one becuase we all passed through the same feeling and we know the meaning of gambling addiction.

[Dark Energy]

this what i am trying to say, willpower alone will not work alone, the tools and prevention strategies will provide a good push forward.

[Crb]

So it’s not quite a full day yet but its close. I immediately installed gamban on my laptop after yesterday’s post. I’ve had it on my phone for a bit already. I feel on and off like I wish I hadn’t because I want to play but that’s exactly why I needed to do it. Thank you everyone for your support. I’ll try to post here daily. I have been checking in to read some every day but havent been very active yet in the forum.

I have been trying to get myself back into other hobbies to distract, and have made a payment plan to pay off what debt I accrued for my family. I acknowledged the problem before it got too out of hand so in the next 6 months we should be through it. I lost about $6500 total since August of this year. The bulk of it has been in the last 40 days with me betting sometimes up to $250 a day. I’m focusing on getting back to a good financial place and keeping my husband in the loop every step.

I have also contacted a counseling service offered through my husbands work that will work with me on Grief and loss to work through my mother’s passing in a healthier way, and also help me with more tools regarding my compulsive/addictive tendencies.

Thank you again everyone who’s posted here. I do have a strong support system around me, but no one understands an addict better than an addict so it’s great to have a system that knows the lies my brain tells me every day and has been through it.

[Dark Energy]

congratulations for Day 1, keep it up.

[Seanraj4731]

Congrats on your first day. Please keep posting and observe your thoughts before acting on them. Be thankful. Continue on your pathway of self worth and recovery

[Crb]

Here’s to the end of day 2. Today was busy giving me very little time to think about much with work and my childrens Christmas concert. But now that everyone has gone to bed that urge is back full force. I am thankful I have gamban installed on both of my devices. I think I will instead work on a nice wind down project and head to bed. On to the next 24 hours.

[Dark Energy]

good work, keep it up, 

[Crb]

Back to square one. I came across a device I forgot I had that did not have blocking software. I have since spent several hours on the device and barely slept playing. I have shut off and put away the device. It will remain tucked away until my husband gets home and then I will quickly go through the device to make sure there is nothing I need to keep and then I will throw it away completely. I am unable to install gamban on it as it’s not connected anymore, I tried, and the screen is smashed up anyway. But I dont dare touch it until hes home or I’ll play some more. I am exhausted and ashamed, but I know slipups will happen. As long as I get up and try again that’s what matters. So here I am, dusting myself off and trying again

[Crb]

I feel so ashamed and awful. It’s been a bad couple of days of gambling. I did what I always do, I bet and won and had it set to withdraw then I reversed it and lost it and then some. I’m down $550 this time and I dont understand how I keep letting myself do this. I managed to figure out how to install the blocked software on the device I was using. But all I can think about is what other device can I use so I can play again and win back what I lost. I feel so weak, I feel so pathetic.

[Seanraj4731]

Hi Crb

You need to start asking yourself some questions. Do i like how am i feeling? Do i wish to continue on this path of self destruction? I have been were you are many of times fighting kicking myself whenever i lost all my money, i feel your pain.  Chasing after loses. Its really your mind raging war on yourself. Only you and you alone can stop this. Your mindset has to reset rewire and renew into discovering self worth. My mantra i use is: “Why Do Something Over & Over Expecting A Different Result?”. Crb you gonna move forward yes i know its difficult at first but you gotta stop and surround yourself with positive words and materials that will help uplift yourself each moment. Start by watching comedies feel good movies read a good book go for a walk siteseeing enjoy life. Give thanks for what you have. You can explore this website read people testimonies abt their struggles and how they have fought the good fight in getting back life together. Love life.pour words of affirmations. Read the proverbs from the bible if you got one*. Watch Soldiers of Self Mastery by Santos Rolon Jr.

[Dark Energy]

$550 !! and I know you were chasing a loss maybe a 100 or so , or you were chasing a profit that you lost and end up loosing more. stop and think. have you notice that you have been in the same conditon many times, read through the forum we all passed through the same condition.  and again $ 550 really!! ( i understand your frastrution becuase of this losses but read the other story in this foroum, and see how chasing a $ 550 will led you to lose $5,000 , $50,000 …. you can add zeros as you like but the limit is all the money that you have and that you will have access to (loan, stealing …etc). it is very small amount considering what you will lose if you continue in the same way. not adding the other kind of losses ( time, job, family …. ). 

since you are trading online, just for a real new start cutt all your debit caeds credit cards pre-paid card  and close all the elctronics accounts like skrill ..etc and any way that you can use to transfer money to the gambling websites. i wonder why it goes wrong i thought this part is already done with your partner? however find wher e the gap is and close it. ensure this part is done before moving to point two.
 
if you are not willing to do it then you still think that you can win money gambling, and  then i can sugest you to read more stories from this forum. don’t think you are different,  there a lot of well aducated persons with good jobs engineers, lawyers, doctors..etc  this has nothing to do with how educated you are or how smart you are. it is an addiction.
and you have to deal with it as an addiction.

[Autor]

Artigos