[nomogmbl]

Hello everyone,
This is a bit long, but explains it all for me and I have to get it all out there. Hopefully it will help someone else.
The title of my story, implies how I felt the last year when a stock I had bought to invest in…was up $100,000 in unrealized gains in a matter of weeks. I didn’t sell it though, as I was "investing" for the long term, this was from some hard earned money I had made after quitting sports gambling 3 years prior cold turkey. Yes, back in 2006 I had gone online for sports betting after the poker explosion got everyone here in the states playing online. If there is one thing I know, it is sports. I majored in sports management, I have a sports memorabilia business, I know as much as any ESPN anchor if not more than they. Why not cash in on that knowledge? I ALWAYS knew when X or Y football team would win or pull off an upset, how about finally letting it work for me. Well, I did it and signed up for an online sports book/casino. My first bet netted me $700 profit! Wow, this is easy and much more fun than working my butt off. They also had blackjack with which I wasn’t that big into, but I found a system that I would outsmart them with. I put $5 on a game…went to the blackjack board, won the $5 and my bet was "free." Sometimes it would take me a while to get the $5 back, but I usually did. Strange thing happened with the blackjack though, I was not as conservative as I was on sports. I would be up $300 within minutes — look at all the "free" bets I have now!! Crap, I just lost all $300 within minutes. Well, now I can’t even bet with that money. I’ll put some more in. Damn, I am now down an extra $200…now it is really $500 I am down…put more in. Well that pattern continued. I consumed my days with looking at the odds for each day on not only football, but now basketball and baseball were starting…and although I didn’t know as much about hockey as the others…that too, sweet. Tennis tournament…hmm, interesting. I would then go to the blackjack and by the end of the day…I usually had nothing. Within 6 months, I had blown through all my money — about 10K and was betting on women’s basketball just because it was the only thing going on at that time of night. Not good. I sold most of what I had for my business to gamble with/pay off bills. The last day I had the worst possible outcome on the bets I had for an NBA Finals game, and I ended up using money I didn’t even have in my account. I felt horrible and knew I had to stop. I went to the Gambler’s Anonymous website and answered the 20 ?’s. I answered I believe 9…wow. I am stopping right now. I did. My bank account was at a negative balance for a week. What an awful feeling that was. I didn’t want to feel that way again. I tapped into the little bit of money I had in an IRA to get back to positive and basically have a little bit to start over with. That was 2006.
No more betting on sports or anything in the years to come. It is now 2009, and things are better. Slow buildup, but with the economy stinking, business is slow and tougher. However, I have some money and I see that the stock market and some stocks are worth next to nothing, and so cheap that even I can get in and own something. Sirius XM is a nickel? I could buy 100,000 shares for $5000. It goes to ten cents, I double my money. It did that, but I never got in. I finally did in March of 09…pretty much at the lows. I know nothing about stocks or trading, but I just know that $2 for Ford is a steal. I sign up for one of the major online brokerage accounts so I can do it myself. I try and buy things and do ok on some and lose on some others, pretty much breaking even. Learning as I go along. I get into a company that I see all over CNBC and some baseball stadiums. This thing is a diamond in the rough. it is cheap too, although it is a penny stock and not on the NYSE or NASDAQ. These can be tricky, but I am in when it is only .03 cents. I have 400,000 shares of it. They are making a lot of money in this slow economy, based on their press releases. It holds for a few months, and then they sign up with Costco. Wow! It goes to .06 and then .08. In one day it doubles to .16. Then it is over .20!!! I finally had done it. I had gotten in on the ground floor of something big. My 10K investment is up to $80K, but this thing is heading to a dollar. I see Sirius is .50 now, this should easily get to that even. Hold it. At a buck, I would have several hundred thousand!! I will do this and that with the money. I can buy a car for my parents, I can do this and that. I’m investing this, not gambling it. I am naive enough though to think that this will get to a dollar. It gets to .25 and then .28! I am up over $100K — 3 yrs ago I had ZERO money to my name. I get a brief nervousness. Within an hr. it drops down to .08! They are calling it Black Friday. I lose on paper $60-$70K in a matter of minutes. It comes back to .17 by the end of the day. I sell enough on Monday to get my initial investment out. I have 300,000 shares for "free" now and am still up almost 50K and I have all my money back! It eventually drops to .08 over the summer. I still hold it. Meanwhile I have neglected my business and really anything else, but why not, I have to pay attention to this stock. August comes and it starts back up. Eventually hits .22 again and I am almost back up to $100K. Over Labor Day weekend, they announce a reverse stock split…not good. Many people were warning this was all bogus…I think they are right. I sell it all. I end up making $40-$50K. Damn, I am mad. I could have sold it twice with much more! All of a sudden I realize that dream of $1 or more per is done. Turns out the stock was a scam of a company, one of the best ever seen in 20 yrs. In one weekend, I went from up $100K to up about 50K. Half of it was gone, and I hadn’t even done anything. Well I still have over $50K…pretty good. However, I want that other part back. I want to get back to $100K.
Within 2 months I am down to $25K. I am losing it left and right in the market. I love the market, but I don’t know a lot about it. I am better at reading charts but not like some of these people. I better take a break as I almost feel like I did when I was gambling, Christmas is coming anyways. 2010 is here. I have a great new girlfriend, things are looking better. I still can’t get that nagging feeling of losing that $$ though. I hate it. I am still better off than I was, and than most people…stop it. Can’t help it. Spring comes and I have barely done much in the market. I do decent on a few stocks with smaller amounts. Maybe I can day trade? I am getting better and can really read charts now. I am strictly going to do big board stocks…AAPL, etc. I know all the stocks and tickers now. I love this. I turn on CNBC in the morning as it is, and have it on all day. I know so much about this now. Why not cash in on this knowledge? Granted I don’t know like i know sports, but I have learned a lot. Business is still slow, economy isn’t as good as they are saying. Market is up so huge though, I can’t put the money in there for long periods of time. Day trading I can have it in all cash, in case some bad news comes out. I just want to use it as an income, as a job…not gambling. Let’s try it. Ouch, I just lost $$ really quick. Maybe tomorrow. Bad news out in the morning…I dunno if I should…can’t help it, I have to be "in" today. Dang, lost some more. I have heard you have to lose $$ in day trading before it clicks and you "get it." My life outside of the stock arena starts to get tough. My mom is diagnosed with breast cancer…out of the blue. Her of all people? Never. It is aggressive? What? My uncle who has battled colon cancer for 7 yrs, is starting to get bad. I am so close to him, he is an inspiration to me. My girlfriend is having terrible migraines, sick a lot and starting to get depressed. This is also long distance, I can’t do much of anything. I have to get some money going…but I don’t feel well. Am I depressed some? I am tired as hell I know that much. I am really able to read charts now, let’s try the stock stuff today. HA! I just made $200 in about 2 minutes!!!! How awesome is that? If i can do this every day….oh man.
My uncle passes away. I feel terrible, even though he had Stage 4 for 7 yrs, it still seemed sudden. He beat all the odds, I miss him so much. I can’t do this stock stuff. Two days in a row, I do the stock stuff and lose each time. Hundreds and hundreds of dollars in minutes. I look online to see if maybe this is gambling? I am getting that feeling again. I just want this to be my job…this isn’t gambling, is it? This is investment…sort of. Granted I am not holding onto this longer than a day, let alone an hr or so. However, I KNEW that was going to go back up right after I sold it. Let’s try it next week. Damn, I did it again. I lost a ton today. Why did I even do it?? I feel so horrible and beat myself up. Stupid, stupid, stupid. You are intelligent, this market is only for the big boys. It turns on a dime. I always feel I am just a bit behind everyone. Oh wait, I have been using a 3 minute chart…the one minute is much easier to read. I use the 1 min chart. I make $150! I make $100. I make $175. I make $300+. I have 5 consecutive up days! Wow that was it the whole time…the chart is making the difference…I KNEW I knew what to do!! It was the damn chart! I make $110. Whoa, I don’t feel it is enough. That probably isn’t good. I want to make more…crap I shouldn’t have bought that. Sell it…wait, hold it’s going up. Oh damn, its coming back down fast. Sell it you are still up $80, $60, $40..sell it at least break even. Dammit, I am now down $40. I end up down several hundred on that day. What the hell? How? I really start to feel this is like gambling now. I am not sure. I do $120 the next day…sweet. Next day, up $140 on Netflix, but Netflix is volitale…gut is saying sell it. I knew it, now I’m only up $80…in about 30 seconds. Crap only up $40…ok, now with fees I am breakeven, can’t sell now as I was up $140 only a few mins ago. It will come back…I think. No it won’t, I know it. Dammit, I am down $150. Ugh. Sigh. Well on Monday I can get it back. Oh I am in the wrong stock this morning…get out. Oh man, another loss of $300. I’ve just lost most of that big winning streak.
This hopefully shows what it was getting like towards the end. On Oct 18th, Apple (AAPL) came out with their earnings afterhours. I had done well with this twice before, as it gets halted and then goes up about 15 points…usually good for a few hundred bucks quickly. I had stopped trading for about a week and even took some money out of my online account so as not to be tempted. Well, I couldn’t hold out. I just had to be "in" when their earnings came out. What if this time though, the street didn’t like it….my gut was usually right and I never listened to it. Oh no, street hated it. It is down 20 points…nice, I am down $400…I laugh. I give up. This is gambling. I have a problem. I can’t ever get that stupid $100K back. I never was able to, not with my compulsive thinking. I just wish I had that $25K back. I have blown another $5k lately….and my life has sucked and suffered because of it. I feel like crap…AGAIN. Beat myself up again…well not anymore. I can’t do this anymore. I still have some money left, quit while you’re ahead. Life isn’t just about this. Get your damn life back. Screw the money. I would rather have my uncle back, not be depressed, my girlfriend feeling better…than any money anyways. My mom is doing very well right now, focus on that you idiot. Call the doctor tomorrow and make an appointment. Call your sister about going to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting, she said she would go with you. That was over a month ago. I made the appt and I did go to a meeting. I will go again. I can’t do this anymore. Quit chasing that dream, it is gone. That wasn’t a dream I was chasing anyways….that was a nightmare.

[Autor]

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