Dear diary,
I am thankful to be at this stage of recovery now. I am not down there and I am not up there, I am moving forward.
Just had a chat with my sponsor yesterday, he talk about God ‘s dislike especially the part about money I don’t have to work hard to get.
Check myself with a recovering person and I was reminded of step 4, whether my actions are selfish, dishonest, self-seeking due to fear or inconsiderate.
If I do not have an addict’s past and I am not in recovery, I wouldn’t be examining myself whether what I did is harming another person or self destructive in nature.
I agree with many in here that recovery is more than abstaining, recovery is about getting well but how can an addict get well without abstinence from gambling in the beginning.
It is always about first thing first, one day at a time. After a while, a person who have stay abstinence for a period of time will find out that recovery and getting well is more than about staying abstinence. It was about changes inside us, the changes we experience in the way we think and do, how we live life, have help us found a new freedom, peace and happiness we have never experience when we are gambling.
This is the best year I had in here and in recovery, I must work hard for it to stay this way……
I must be willing and I still need help, to get close to God.
I must check myself regularly while I enjoy living today. I need to make sure I am not slowly drifting to my old ways, I must look at my motive and intention, what is driving me to do those things which is not perfect in the eye of God.
I am human, I am not perfect but I am ok, I am grateful to God and more happy now.