After skimming posts, I am not sure if this journal section is mostly for recovering gamblers only or if it is ok for loves ones to write too.

With my husband for 13 years, married 8.5, parents of toddler twins. He grew up in Staten Island in New York City in a very mobcentric culture. He started gambling at 6. his grandfathers were  both gamblers. He was also molested around this time, I dont know if there was a link, he doesnt like to discuss that. He is also bipolar, sometimes takes his meds, usually noncompliant. We do couples therapy but the sessions are usually about him. Just as our relationship has been.  His hurt, his pain, his mental illness, his addiction Has dominated our relationship. And that was understandable to some degree because he had more trauma and issues than me. I was raped in grad school, but other than that have had a way too normal life. I  have always wanted to show him he is great, wonderful and he has me always. In doing that I became invisible. Prior to him, I was outgoing and social, took care of myself, explored. Now I am a recluse.. no social life, no friends..I dont want anyone to know anything. Too ashamed. 

His parents are very animated people who worked hard to provide for my husband and his brother. They came from nothing, but the father in law became a Fire Captain, mom a real estate broker. Strange relationship, one second they love him, he screws up and they tell him to kill himself, then his mom says she loves him and sends him more money..They claim to have spent almost $500,000 getting him out of jams with bookies, gambling debts, etc. they are textbook enablers. my husband can not take care of himself still. Cant budget, cant do his own laundry, cant clean, cant boil water (almost burned our home down) because even when we visit his parents they baby him to death.

My husband is a wonderful, mostly kind and intelligent man..but he just started his first real job as a teacher about a year ago, he is now 42! This came after years of grad school (sometimes one class at a time) or nothing (just lounging on couch) or volunteering. Meanwhile I have built a great career, have become a known entity in my state just because I work in a visible field. I have supported us. I bought the house. I pay tuition. I pay every bill Except cable because he has a millon sports packages and the bill is $500. His parents pay that!

I am an enabler. i helped him complete his masters. I helped him with certification to be Teacher. I did his job application to get his current job.  He is in a certification program again  to teach ESL and I help with that too. I do lesson plans for classroom. I do all the things that he says he can’t do because I am so happy he is finally working..

But the sports gambling continues. i dont see his checks. If he gets paid 1200 biweekly, he may give me 400 and the rest if his check goes to gambling. Before it was to Costa Rica and offshore betting sites. But now that sport gambling is legal where we live things are much easier. Today is a big college game and he is jittery and excited. He got paid 1200 and wont contribute anything to family and what can I do..He believes that since I may six figures, I can take care of everything. he will admit I have never made him feel like he needs to make more. I actually dont mind being the breadwinner, salary doesnt determine a persons worth. i was so proud he is a teacher, but now he is on the verge of throwing it all away

He was going to GA but looked down at the others because they were slot and lottery addicts. He falsely believes that sports gambling is a more respectable thing than sitting at a slot machine or scratching tickets. because he is so charming he has been able to trick people into giving him money. He will tell someone he can double their money, they will believe it and he either wins and looks amazing or loses it and hides from them. Last year he took 6000 from a teacher he worked with. He lost it all..he had an immediate breakdown and went to a psych ward (that was the 24th time in 9 years)..he doesnt tell me anything so I was clueless. until a woman and a thug came banging on my door. She demanded the money from me, said my husband owed it and she wasnt leaving. We live in a very quaint and quiet suburb, I was so worried about the bored cops coming (there is no crime here so they send 3 Cars for lost dogs) i just cried my way out of the confrontation and gave them my in laws number (they paid the 6k!)

my kids were in the house at the time and just knowing my husband puts us all in jeopardy put me over the edge. Any of his “victims” can come around to my safe space and I will have no idea why or when. i filed for divorce.  

Now his parents are against me, he is angry at me. I am ruining his life. he didnt want to address the divorce process so the judge signed off on the settlement, no alimony either person. I put child support as “open” because I didnt want to burden him, i am responsible for tuition, my assets remain mine. the case will be closed in a few weeks. I cant keep him on my insurance (i tried) but i offered to help him search affordable plans through his employer (school dept) He is saying he willnot be able to live, his life is over, he will never see the kids. He still has a job (although he wont follow the rules), he is making me feel so guilty. 

I am not divorcing him to start a new life with someone else. In fact, my plan is to raise my kids and die alone. I have no interest in doing this again. But I thought I had the right to be selfish just this once. i dont want to live another 15 years with a pathological liar who blames me for everything, is irresponsible and unreliable, manipulates and never appreciates anything i do. I always feel uncomfortable in my house because of his mood swings and he is always watching a game, on his phone looking up sports lines. It is so depressing. 

But the fact is he can’t take care of himself. He wont be able to maintain an apt on his own, he wont be able to do his own taxes, he wont know how to fix anything..i do it all for him Now. 

What happens if he does hurt himself? Will my kids hate me? Will I hate me? 

Just rambling now