[theKO]

I can’t say I’m surprised to find myself here…

What’s more surprising to me is that it’s taken me this long to actually stop for a moment, take a breathe, and reflect on my life
as a gambling addict. Of course I find myself here after a big loss, let’s be honest. That’s something I really need to change in my life,
learning how to stop talking bullshit and actually speak some truth. So I’m 31, won’t bore you with the details of how I became an addict, I
assume it’s probably like most people. Fast easy money and a love of sports and numbers was enough to get me hooked. Started out playing
the pokies in my early 20’s, then in the last 3 years or so it’s all been about sports betting.

What can I say? Gambling has caused me nothing but pain, angst, frustration and anger. I find myself doing some sort of mental
gymnastics to justify it all. It’s become pretty apparent to me that its not about the money. Oh but don’t get me wrong, I’m dirt broke, living in my
parents house and struggling to get by in every way imaginable. I make pretty good money, but of course we all know where it goes. I guess I always
thought I’d just grow out of it one day. Turns out one day isn’t a day of the week. You know what I struggle with the most? The fact that when I gamble, I know
it’s wrong for me. I know I should not be doing this. But then when I win, I think to myself „if you did what was right you wouldn’t have this thousand dollars
in your hand right now”. But deep down, I think I’m just happy to have more money to gamble with. What I’ve started to realise is that your quality of life is
a thousand times more important then amount of money.

So here goes. I’ve never actually really tried quitting, but I’ve just closed all my betting accounts and deleted all my apps. It’s made me quite upset that I’m only
doing this now, since 3 months ago all my friends had an intervention for me which didn’t change my behaviour at all. Can’t help but question everything I’m doing
and saying at this point. I mean what would I be doing right now if my last sports bet won an hour ago? I sure as shit wouldn’t be here writing this, and that’s
the most messed up thing. I’ve got so many plans, so many things I want to accomplish. It’s all right there in front of me, and it’s about time I realise the #1
reason I haven’t done any of it is because of this terrible, horribly addictive and destructive behaviour. Nothings worth this shit. It’s been a hell of a ride but
I’m done. Time to try and mend all the people I have wronged.

I’ve always dreamt of what life would be like without gambling… perhaps now’s my chance

[Steev]

I am touched by your honesty. We do only turn for help when we reach a rock bottom – I know that was true for me.

You have done one of the four things that I feel we need to do in order to stop. You have lost access to the places of bet ting. The others are losing access to finance to bet with, losing access to time (keeping busy with other things) and getting good support for yourself.

You say you live with your parents – could they take over your finances – so that you don’t have the means to bet? Or one of the friends that was involved in the intervention? I know it is a big step – but believe me – it will be hard when the urges kick in not to try and get around the bans – and no money = no bet. I take it you are from Australia (pokies!) and if so there is support in most of the big cities via Gamblers Anonymous – or locally based projects. Or you can see if anything is available through your medic.
Finally keeping busy, you say ” I’ve got so many plans, so many things I want to accomplish …” so make a start on them. Start learning the skills you are going to need or take the first steps on whatever journey it is. Think of yourself not as a failed gambler but as the beginner on the path you are choosing for yourself. Great that you have taken the first step – I look forwards to more posts.

[MurrS7]

Thanks for sharing your story. I know you hear this all
Of the time, but I could have written that word for word. Truthfully I relate to every single word you have just written there. The anger. The sadness. The frustration. The why? How? When did it get this bad that it is completely out of my power. The self loathing, the over thinking, the anxiety. Many emotions are felt through this terrible addiction and you are bang on when you said no amount of Money is worth this quality of life. Like you I only post when I relapse and lose. We wouldn’t be here if we were winning right? But inevitably nobody wins as a gambler. Maybe 1% who quit while ahead. Very rare. I can relate to being Middle Aged and living with your parents. I’m 30 in December and just had to move back in with my mom and dad because I had no Money to pay my rent. Gambled all of my credit, increased the limit to gamble more, all over draft, all credit line. Like steev said we have to hit a rock bottom before we change. But there is always a further bottom if you don’t fix this issue now, my bottom became new this week when I relapsed and lost it all again for the 100th time. Feeling all of those emotions you are feeling now. Let my family down, my friends who care about me, lived in secrecy, lied where I was so many times, seen my mom and dad and sister cry not knowing what to do to help. We can beat this but as steev always tells me we need to put as much into recovery as we do into our gambling, “we are either working on recovery or we are working on relapsing.” This stuck with me always. We need to really think about this daily and repeat it as many times as we can. Trust me you are not alone. Gambling not only puts us in a financial crisis. But it always ruins our life and the person who we once were. Basically it robs us of all confidence. Let’s get it back, let’s take it day by day, and dont be hard on yourself, I know it’s easy to tell your mind these negative things and feel like a pathetic loser, but this is our addictive brain overpowering our logic. I will leave you with this quote someone posted on here to me nearly a year ago. I wish I had read it daily, Maybe I wouldn’t have relapsed so many times and lost it all over and over. Take care of yourself man. You can beat this.

I liken it now to looking at a cliff face. There are two possible routes up.

One is hard, beyond our ability but we keep trying and keep falling off, we think it is the quickest way up, we want to try and prove ourselves in some way. On this route we have also hit the ground and hurt ourselves many times.

The other route is more straightforward, lots of attainable moves, there are even some bolts we can clip onto for support. Maybe it is more boring but it still leads to the top.

I finally have realised which route I need to take

[dunc]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[Autor]

Wpisy