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I contemplated my nic-name being Luvs2gamble. I decided to focus on my real passion, gardening and being creative.
For me, ten years ago gambling started out as a fun outing and now it is a full-blown addiction. I cannot go to the casino, win and walk away.
When I walk into the casino I embrace the smells, the sounds, the regulars and inside I change. Outside of the casino I watch every little penny but at the casino I spend uncontrollably. For me there is never enough time or money. I truly enjoy gambling but I despise the control it has over me. My turning point was January 31st, I spent 12 hours at the casino winning over $6000 on my first $20 and losing it all plus a few thousand of my own money. In those 12 hours I did not eat and only took a couple bathroom breaks. The emotional turmoil, the stress, the feelings of guilt and remorse and the financial losses are NOT worth the high of a jackpot! Will this lifestyle change be easy, definitely not, but I put my trust in God, I reflect on all that is good in my life, I will keep a daily journal on my emotions to become aware of what triggers this habit and I challenge myself with a list of goals in exchange for my gambling time.
My prayers of perseverance and strength go out to all who are struggling this crippling habit.
Let’s help one another in our walk for freedom!
L2G -
hey girl we must of been tapping these pages at the same time and didn’t see your post till i finished posting on my own thread. good to hear from you and yeah i can see where being over worked can leave ya kinda delusional at tmes. been there a lot in my days and ya gotta make time for you in there and if that means sleeping a day away then you just do that. glad your still with the force and fighting them urges. but you come first before the battle so give yourself some much needed TLC
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glad to hear your gonna get in some good down tme for yourself. you deserve it.
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Hi Luv2
Another way to look at the posts on the forum is to see that there are also many who are succeeding in staying GF.
With your urges feeling strong you will be more drawn towards feeling the struggles of others but you can give yourself a reason for your increased struggle. Exhaustion can bring out irrational thought in all of us.
I also appreciate that when you have worked so hard, a reward for yourself is a nice thing to give but your choice of reward is one that gives you pain. Perhaps you could reward yourself with a new plant – one that will flourish and look beautiful and be a constant and happy reminder for you, knowing that you had earned it.
I hope you have a lovely mini-break and come back refreshed.
Velvet
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Hi Luv2, You have definitely been pushing yourself working so many hours and I can see why you would want to treat yourself or escape. I know that feeling well… just wanting to escape and then I am not satisfied with just going once… I want more and more… and end up having such a hard time staying away. The after effects of having gambled are so tough to deal with and you want to go back for more… I find it is easier for me if I can just beat that one visit… when I say I might be okay… I might win some money… I feel lucky… I am due to win… It is so easy to find lots of reasons to gamble and when we feel like that… we don’t want to think of the reasons we should not gamble. I always call it the not gambling fairy on one should and the devil gambler on the other shoulder arguing. Sounds kind of crazy but I will continue to fight the devil on my should one day at a time. As I am typing this and thinking about it… I can feel thoughts of gambling coming into my head and I have to continue to fight them. Sorry for rambling on your thread. Wishing you a day free of gambling and a wonderful recovery day. It sounds like you are focusing on that weekend break with your husband… sounds like fun.One day at a time my sweet lord…
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