[jackwilson]

Hello all, Jack Wilson here. I’ve decided to start a new journal to chronicle my new journey. My last bet was 7/30/14. Today is Day 1. I just feel awful right now. Beyond awful. I am full of guilt, regret, shame and hate. I have everything I can ever ask for in life, it’s time to subtract gambling from this life and maximize everything else.

-Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

[Anoniem]

Wow Jack!! What a strong start!!! Go for it. We are all behind you!

[kathryn]

Hi jack,
Right! Time to put up those barriers! Do it now now now while you feel this way because just like childbirth, you forget how much it hurts and go back!!!
Love K xxx

[charles]

Hi Jack,
Kathryn is right of course. The thread might be new but the advice and questions are the same – what are you going to do to make you less able to place that first next bet?

[Anoniem]

I am with you Jack! I am such an idiot! I swore I would not gamble when I got paid. I did lost well I think more than I made. I am looking for the rock!! Will I ever learn??? I am starting over with you! Best of luck!!!!!

Jen

[jackwilson]

I’m on day four and this recovery feels a bit different compared to the other ones. I skipped the part where I’m humbled, sad, and went straight to agitation and irritability stage. I’m not happy with myself right now. I think the reason is that money is always on the back of my mind…how much money I lost, how much money i have, etc. I can’t even write a proper post. So much self hate right now.

god, grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, courage to change the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

[Anoniem]

I hear ya! Money “the root of all evil” always on the back of my mind. Took me 20 plus years to realise ” money is just a consequence of my actions!

[Anoniem]

Hi Jack, that’s how it tricks us… We think of the money we lost and how one win will bring it all back!! But look around you. Look around this site. How many of us ever get that win? You are doing really well. Day 4 is quite an achievement. The first days are really hard. Just remember Jack, you can earn that money again. It will be guaranteed money!! Write it off as a learning experience and never look back!,

[jackwilson]

Thank you all for your comments and words of encouragement. Since stopping, I’ve been in hell. The regrets. The shame. The guilt. They are all there in full force. Gambling is not the way to a productive life. I must think about the life in front of me and not one that’s behind me.

Last bet: 7/30/14
Today, I will leave my last behind and enjoy today.

[janey1]

Hi Jack

I just wanted to check in with you and ask how you were? I hope to see you in a group, posting or on the helpline soon.

Janey

[jackwilson]

Thank you for checking in, Janey. I’m doing well. It feels like less of a struggle everyday, but I’m still not where I need to be in my life. I don’t think about the money lost and the urge to gamble has decreased. I’m also devoid of joy. I know that this is the recovery process and all I can do is take it one day at a time.

Last bet: 7/30/14

[jackwilson]

I’m still not doing well. My days are filled with agitation and irritability. My nights are restless. No one said the road to recovery would be an easy one. All I can do is take it one day at a time. Thank you.

Last Bet: 7/30/14

[Anoniem]

Hi Jack. It is so so hard .sometimes your head feels like a pressure cooker with urges to gamble trying to over come your resolve to stay gamble free. Try to think positively. You are still financially solvent and you can win this! Time heals all and your losses will become a distant memory, not something which you are tempted to win back. Hang in there.. Despite the horrible cold turkey symptoms you are doing great!!

[jackwilson]

Day 27: I’m doing much better. I’m not the person who I aspire to bet yet, but each day it’s getting a little better. I don’t have any desire to gamble. I’m petrified of any gambling thoughts. I’m doing a bit more each day and it’s helping. I’m grateful for this forum

Last bet: 7/30/14

[Anoniem]

Wow Jack.. Day 27 is a great achievement. We know how difficult it is abstain so well done. It will get easier with time. It’s good you are having no urges.. Be prepared if they return .. I hope you are enjoying family life. Did you do anything nice recently? I have been with friends and it feels like my social life is in recovery also. I am delighted to read you are winning Jack!!

[charles]

Well done on your gamble free time Jack. One day at a time can achieve great things.

[p]

Hi Jack

Well done on your gamble free days.. i believe it is hard, but can be done.. a wonderful achievement.. I’m still learning after years of trying.. keep going

P

[jackwilson]

I’m struggling with other compulsive behaviors (online surfing, cleaning, reading). I still have no desire to gamble and the thought of gambling terrifies me. I just need to be productive with the time that I have. One day at a time. The mood swings, agitation, irritability. They are all very strong and very real.

[jackwilson]

Today is a struggle. I have thoughts of gambling to alleviate my anxiety, irritability and general compulsiveness. I’m going through tough withdraw symptoms where I’ve been unable to do anything productive for days. I actually had thoughts about how I’m going to withdraw money from my bank and go gamble. I’m not in a good place right now. I need to focus, and clear my head.

Last Bet: 7/30/14

[charles]

Hi Jack, stay strong.

If you need to talk then I’m in the group right now and for the next couple of hours.

[jackwilson]

Thankfully this moment has passed and I’m back in a good state. That was a close call. Phew.

Last bet: 7/30/14

[p]

That is wonderful that you got through with out gambling, keep doing that.. just a day at a time.. just for today dont gamble.. i think a lot of us are familiar with those compulsive behaviours.. i think I’ve turned into a compulsive eater!!

P

[jackwilson]

It’s been a while but the urges are back in full swing. I’m thinking that I can make some of the money back. It’s causing me to be very irritable. I know that even if I deposit and win a bet, the outcome will always be the same. I CANNOT WIN in the end.

Usually what happens is that I have a feeling on a game, which I do right now. I want to tell myself that I will just make one bet and quit if I lose. I will win, and win some more and win some more. Then It’s out of control and I will lose everything, and then some. NOT GOOD. I must stay strong and will stay strong. I’m thankful that I closed all my online accounts and have no way of depositing money right now.

I’m staying strong!

Last bet: 7/30/14

[Anoniem]

Jack you are right. You will lose everything because one bet will never be enough. If you lose you will chase it. If you win you will assume you are on a winning streak. You have done amazingly well Jack.. Stay strong! Stay away . And most of all stay happy!!!

[jackwilson]

I’ve been agitated, moody, unproductive…

I know exactly what this means. The pressure cooker is on high, and usually the only way to relieve all this is to gamble. I don’t have the urge to gamble but I don’t feel well either. I know these aren’t exactly productive posts, but I just need an avenue to get things off my chest. It’s a very tough time for me right now.

I have to take responsibility for my own actions. I am also very fortunate to be where I am today. I need to get better, I will get better.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Last bet: 7/30/14

[vera]

“usually the only way to relieve” the pressure needn’t have to be so, Jack!
Change “usually” to “sometimes” and “only” to “optional” and you will see more clearly how you might learn to “accept the things you cannot change” etc.
Even a CG has choices!

[jackwilson]

It’s been over two months and I feel the full forces of what gambling has done to me. Last night, I had a dream that I was playing blackjack in Vegas and winning a lot of money. I woke up super anxious this morning because the experience felt so real. That is also a very bad sign.

[Anoniem]

You know what Jack.. I’m not sure it is a bad sign. Our brains sort things when we are asleep! It’s hard as hell to stop gambling. You have gone two full months!! Which is amazing! Not many people manage that kind of success so quickly..

Just try to remember that you are forever a gambler. Your brain will remind u every now and then through urges , through dreams, through the fantasy that you have that big win and everythjng is great.. You are the man, helping out all your friends, gifting them with life changing sums of money etc etc

Yes every now and then our brains remind us that we are forever compulsive gamblers. We just have to make sure that we don’t let our addiction deceive us into thinking just one last time. There is no one last time. We end up blowing out money, because we can never cash out, our minds, out relationships and our health.

You seem really strong Jack. You have done amazingly well . Don’t worry about the dreams . Treat them as an opportunity to refocus on staying in recovery!!wow so impressed Jack.

[Anoniem]

Hi Jack! How have things been? Hope everything is going well for u !!

[Auteur]

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