[Paul0000]

Hi all,
Not sure if this will go in the right place but I feel the need to start somewhere. I’ve read many articles on here before and took great inspiration from them but can never make the change myself.
A quick description of myself is I’m a 33 year old gambler and have realised I’ve reached a low I didnt think I would ever see.
I fall into the same cycle as many others:
Get paid
Pay my bills
Gamble 99% of my spare money
Leave just enough to survive on.
End up borrowing money anyway
Get paid
Repay loans
Repeat

Recently it’s got to the point where I find myself lying to so many people to hide my gambling. I earn a decent wage, nothing spectacular, but I should be comfortable but I’m not. My other half always wonders why I’ve no money and luckily at this point she hasn’t realised the state I’m in.
I dont really know how to break the cycle. I know I’m not man enough to tell her cos I’m afraid I’ll lose everything. We cant do joint accounts to help as I’ve debt she doesn’t know about from gambling.
We have no mortgage or kids at this point but we are thinking about the future but if she knew what I do with my money there wouldn’t be one.
I live in quite a remote area so I cant sneak off to GA meetings.
My weakness is online slot machines. I’m not sure there is a site I haven’t signed up with and then excluded myself from once I’ve lost my money.
I realise that was quite a rant there but has anyone any tips on how to get through payday without gambling online? I promise myself every month I wont do it but come the end of the month I cant resist the urge to create a new account in a random casino online, start with 50 quid and then blow hundreds that I cant afford.
Thanks for humouring me,
Paul.

[Saftmannen1]

Sounds like me about 20 years ago. Im 47 now and got rid of my addiction 2 years ago. Just the best feeling you can imagine. First thing is that you must change how you think about gambling. 99 procent lose on online slots and if you happen to win big you gonna lose even bigger , so whats the use really . You can change everything with just one thought. You should tell your Girlfriend about it , if she is a good girlfriend she will understand and help u through this. Block yourself from all gamblingsites and bad thoughts about gambling that comes up in your head u just ignore and start to take control of your thoughts. You can get out of the cycle, its up to u.

[Berta24449787]

I could give you a whole lot of advice about finding out more about your pain and triggers, but that can come later. If you read through anyone’s threads that have been on here for a while you will learn that 90% of the battle in the beginning is access. It’s all about dopamine release and your mind wanting it so you have to stop the cycle long enough for your brain to start to repair itself. If you want to be of success , and of this I have learned the hard way, remove all access to online slots by installing gamcare ir gamban. Some of your devices may be eligible for a trial membership which is free. Buy it for the rest. Dont say you cant find the funds because you can find them to gamble. It is the first and only step to preventing this from continuing. Do this first and see what happens next

[Paul0000]

Thanks very much for the kind words. Access is a major thing for me. I can never seem to stay away and always find an excuse to start a new account. The frustrating thing for me is when I am out of money I dont think about gambling at all, not for a moment. If it was 3 weeks to payday for example it wouldn’t be a thought in my mind for those 3 weeks. But as soon as money hits my account from my salary I go crazy. With the apps are they discreet in anyway? For example if i left family use my phone is the app visable and obvious on the screen? 

[Paul0000]

I’m delighted to hear you have got a grip on it and here’s to many more years gamble free. 

I fell into the trap of winning big early. For me winning money cant be the reason I gamble as I have and 10k, 4k, 8k for example of winnings up and wont stop til it’s gone. Then 5 minutes later the despair is gone and I’m back to normal as if nothing happened. I can see that this is common for a lot of gamblers. When i dont have money in my account I have no gambling urges. So like I wouldn’t have the type of problem where I would steal money to gamble but once my salary hits my account I just do what I can to blow it all. And also borrow money and blow that. I’m currently thinking it’s an emotional deficiency I have that I feel I need to escape into gambling and make myself feel worthless when I lose everything.

Again, thanks so much for your tips and kind words. 

[Berta24449787]

The app on my phone is. It is unfortunate but necessary. I have no one using my phone so it is of no consequence, but my tablet and computer will only show the software if someone tries to go onto gambling sites and then tries to bypass the non descriptive block that comes up. How often do they use your phone? If it is just to dial someone then the app only shows up as a vpn at the top left on my phone. No icon. There may even be ways to hide that on your phone. Make sure that you are not using it as an excuse not to use the app. Be really honest with yourself because I thought the same thing about the app and it hasnt come up with anyone using or looking at my phone in 5 months. Just get it and forget the rest. Weigh  the pros and cons. 

[Paul0000]

I agree  no excuses

[Steev]

I read the advice above from Saftmannen and it is not something I can sit back and not object to. Okay it may work for some people in the short term – but these sites do have links to on-line casinos and you need to get well away from them. If you are wanting to be a non-gambler, why would you watch the videos.

I also feel that whilst it is desirable to let you partner in on what is going on for you – that is a big decision which should be taken with care. You may wish to discuss this with a third party first – perhaps a counsellor, as her reaction will not be something that you can control. If she doesn’t stick by you – that doesn’t make her a bad girlfriend – but she will realise that you have been hiding something very important from her for years and trust is so important in relationships. The important thing now is to work on yourself. Ban yourself from sites – use the blockers. Get good support from yourself. If you are unable to go to GA – see if you can get counselling through Gamcare – it is available on-line if you cannot get to a centre … link here: https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/our-treatment-offer/online-treatment/ Finally try coming to one of our support group sessions where you can speak to some of us in real time. The facilitated sessions for people new to the site happen on Mondays (so tonight) and on Thursdays. Check under “support groups” above for the times.

[Berta24449787]

Steev;

   The app to which we are talking is the gamban software, not a gambling app. I would never advise that at all. I simply am telling him to put barriers in place immediately as he begins his journey. It was what worked for so many do far, I thought it was sound advise in his case.

[Steev]

Berta – I was responding to the first post listed, by Saftmannen, which was talking about watching twitch streams / videos – not an app.  No problem with your advice.

[Paul0000]

Yeah i understand what works for others may not work for me. I did use those streams before but for me they are skewed. They almost made me think that winning large sums was achievable when i know its not. They always seem to have large balances and dont go mental on bets like normal gambling addicts do. They seem to have control which is a falacy to me. 

I appreciate all the advice around the software.

Although this is day 2 for me i feel like its not really because when i have no funds for betting it doesnt enter my head to gamble. My day 1 for example would begin the day im paid cos thats when the demons come in.

Paul

[Berta24449787]

I didn’t take Rgs advise at first regarding the software either. There was a little tiny part of me that was afraid to cut off all possibility of gambling so I didnt do it at first. When I went on a bender and lost a ton on my phone, I installed it right after. Then it happened on my kids laptop. Installed it right after. Then I got the iPad out. Same. As long as you have access you are tempted. Keep a prepaid card handy so that after you lose it all from your accounts, you can install the software. I had to go to the store to get cards to install and in the meantime used up more finds from my bank gambling. You will come to the realization sooner or later that you cant have access and abstain at this point. Set yourself up for success and confront that discomfort right now. It will save you 

[Paul0000]

Few days in and payday is about 10 days away. Really hoping ive put enough blockers in place to avoid gambling then. i am apprehensive but will only know what shape im in once the date comes.
Like every other month, this period of having no gambling funds, brings such a clarity and calm in my life that i love. it fascinates me how my and many others minds works. When theres no funds there is a clarity there but as soon as i have funds my life turns into a mess and my mind is mud.
Im looking forward to the challenge.
Paul

[Steev]

One thing you could consider before payday is, as soon as you have funds, buying some store cards – so that you can do your weekly shop – without having to keep the money back to do that. Buy one for each week and you will not be able to gamble with it. Also try and pay bills first and keep as little as you can for your day to day expenses.
This may seem extreme – but you know you are in a time of extremes when the money comes in. I wish you well.

[Paul0000]

Wow that is such a great idea. I’m not sure if we have store cards in the uk but I know you can buy vouchers and things so i will certainly do that from now on. It’s amazing that something as logical as that has blown my mind. Being paid monthly I do always find that I’m putting away money in an envelope for shopping throughout the weeks. 

Thank you so much for this.

Paul

[Berta24449787]

I have an account through my bank that is a savings account not attached to my debit card. If you have funds deposited into this account then you must go into a bank and actually withdraw the funds in person. I find that having to get dressed, go to the bank and withdraw us deterrent enough when the urge hits. You can gave direct deposit or transfer through your bank. Would this limit your access enough?

[Berta24449787]

I have an account through my bank that is a savings account not attached to my debit card. If you have funds deposited into this account then you must go into a bank and actually withdraw the funds in person. I find that having to get dressed, go to the bank and withdraw us deterrent enough when the urge hits. You can gave direct deposit or transfer through your bank. Would this limit your access enough?

[hambone]

Paul,

I was part of the same cycle you described, I was in so much debt, I would stay up until midnight and as soon as my paycheck direct deposit hit,I was buying bitcoin online. by the time the sun came up, my extra money, and usually my entire paycheck was gone. The bills I had scheduled bounced, and I was getting calls from the lenders for the next 2 weeks.

The thing that got me through it was:
1) I got a 2nd job so I didnt *need* to gamble to pay my bills.
2) I created a spreadsheet that accounted for ALL my money. The extra money, went towards paying off loans.
3) I cancelled my debit card, and all the accounts I was using to buy bitcoin were disabled or I was banned (from chargebacks).

Once it was literally impossible for me to buy bitcoin, it got easier. Once I saw the financial plan, it got even easier. As I executed my plan and saw progress, it continued to get easier.

It’s been almost 6 months since my last bet. I am still about 90k in debt, but I’ve paid about 50k since I quit gambling.

Trust me, it will get easier. There is NOTHING good that will come from gambling. EVER.

[Auteur]

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