Unfortunately I have spent most of the evening talking to a friend that I shared the Gordon House journey with who has relapsed recently. It has been a very sad evening as after 6 months at GH I how can you relapse within only a few months of leaving??
I let him talk for ages to get it all off his chest and we then spoke at great length about getting back those barriers to make sure he doesnt gamble again tomorrow or the next day.
After going round in circles for a while I began to dig deeper and try and find out the root cause of his relapse and it is now very clear and obvious how it happened.
It turns out that whilst at GH he didnt totally come clean. Yes, he spoke about many many emotional issues but it turns out that he had not dealt with al the debts that his had built up through his gambling. So by the time he left GH within a very short space of time he was living back in a pressure cooker environment, being chased for debts and getting very stressed. However strong you think you are, 6 months in rehab is not going to be enough for a CG when you are still being chased left, right and centre.
I spent the last hour with him tonight getting him to tell me all his debts and who his creditors are. Once we wrote them all down, we then devised a plan to contact them all tomorrow and manage the situation. Clearly they are not just going to write the debts off but with proper management they can be resolved with payment plans.
There is no need for me to go into this particular case any more but the moral here is if you want to seriously stop gambling you need to get all your affairs straightened out. Contact anyone and everyone that it affects and tell them. If you hide, they will keep writing, find you and continue to chase. This sort of pressure will only lead you back to gambling.
How can you begin to work on proper recovery until you have sorted your finances? You cant.
It doesnt matter how hard it seems, believe me it can be done. I had over 40 creditors chasing me at one point. Bailiffs knocking on my door, non stop phone calls and 10 plus demand letters every single day. But there are loads of organisations out there that can help you sort through the mess. You can talk to Citizens Advice Bureau, CCCS (check them out on line) and many many more consumer debt lines……..
Once you get these things into a manageable situation then you are giving yourself the chance to work on recovery but you have to sort these things out first. Get rid of that mist in your head and take back control.
I have never met a CG that has stopped without help and I doubt I ever will. We all need all the help we can get and it can come in may forms from friends, family, charities, professional debt companies, CAB, forums such as this one and so on.
Sorry if this is bit of a rant but I am annoyed and upset at the moment as my friend is suffering and struggling and I feel a little helpless.
All the best
Mark