[anhtt113]

I grow up in a family where my dad gambled away all our saving money over and over again which I told myself as I grow up that I would never put my family into that situation.

Here I am doing exactly what he is doing.

I was very competitive person as I grow up. I hate to lose on anything from monopoly to other kid game that can potentially win prizes. I hate to lose on anything. I always know about casino because growing up in Atlantic City, many family or friend of family are working as dealer, it was usually come up as a conversation over dinner but I really learn about it as I reached the age of 21.

I actually won the first few years I started gamble. The goal was to win around $100 to $200 per trip to win enough to hang out at the boardwalk or have a nice dinner and I would make 1 or 2 trips per month.

I moved to Philadelphia to start my college degree. I was making about $15,000 pre-tax (consulting work) per month on my last year in college. Within 6 months to 1 year of work I was able to save about $60K after all my expensive and payments (car). I was the happiest guy in the world, drive nice car earning above anyone at my age (26 at the time) and I feel like it wasn’t necessary to gamble anymore. Boy I was wrong nightmare about to get started..

There was a birthday party which my girlfriend and I was invited to in Atlantic City and the plan was to have a nice dinner and after that the guy would try a little luck at the table game.

I lost $300 that day, instead of let it go and go home like everyone else. I decided withdraw some money to get that back. Next thing I know I was down 10k + and trying to do more cash advance paying ridiculous amount of fee. Went home that day with a grudge the next 6 months I lost everything all my saving and all my paychecks as they come and also accumulated over $80 of debts which includes personal loan, high interest loans, credit cards..

That goes on until 2011 when my gf told me that we either get marry or break up and if I want to get married I need to make change to my life style which is to quit gambling. I did quit we had a baby and our saving started to grow again. I tried to invest into housing with our saving (60k) which I ran into many obstacles but still making roughly 3% return on my investment. I realized this isn’t going to work, it takes too long.

I tried the stock market and within 6 months all my stock crashed I lost that 60k I have for investment and in debt with my broker because I used margin for trading. We have to sold many things in the house and pawned my wife engagement ring to pay for it.

As April of this year, when we have nothing left but just my monthly pay check which most of it go into bills and interest payment for what we pawned. We took a last resort take out a personal loan of 20k hoping to pay all high interest debts (pawn) and start our life over.

That money did not last for more than a week, I took it to casino and lose it within 36 hours. My wife refused to speak to me now and I’m late on my interest payments and not getting paid until Friday.

All I can think of is as soon as I get that paycheck on Friday, I will hit casino and try to win my money back. I’m so sad that I was able to quit for so long and now back to square 1.

[charles]

Hello anhtt113 and welcome. Well done on looking for help. Read the other stories here. You will read a lot of things that you will relate to, you will also read the success stories – what are they doing that you can apply to your own situation?

Payday Friday? So what can you do between now and then that will make you less likely to gamble? Give your paycheck to your wife? Make arrangements so that it is paid into an account that only she has access to? Get self excluded from the casino you plan tp gamble in? Find your local Gamblers Anonymous meeting?

It sounds like your wife will have heard all the promises in the past. No reason for her to believe you mean to stop now really is there? The above actions will both help you stop gambling and also might give her reason to think “Hey, maybe he means it this time”

Keep posting and let us know what positive actions you are taking.

[theone12221]

Welcome to the forums.

I’ll admit, it was difficult reading through your initial post as I can see a lot of myself in you. However unlike yourself I do not have a wife or kids currently and cannot imagine the anguish you are going through (the worst part about gambling is not the financial loss, but rather the loss of personal relationships and ultimately your own sanity/sense of self).

I was also brought up around gambling, my dad is a professional poker player (funnily, he makes an income off this and he never “tilts” or play -EV games; I have no idea why I am the complete opposite of him) and taught me how to play at a young age. After winning $2,000 after a few weeks of poker at the age of 18-19 I was hooked. I soon realised that I am not cut out to do this for a living and lost around 5-6k during my university days (not too bad over the few years, but still crippling for a student doing part time casual work).

It wasn’t until I bought my own place and was living on my own the first time when I was 25/26 that my gambling started escalating out of control. What I’ve learnt from over a year in recovery is that we simply CANNOT play at all, whether it’s at the casino or online. 1 bet, as you are well aware by now, can lead to absolute financial ruin. That one small loss you had, looking back ($300) is so tiny and inconsequential in the grand scheme of things yet as a result of it, you have spiralled into this bottomless money pit and vicious cycle that is problem gambling.

I won’t go into too much detail, but I strongly recommend you take the following actions to give yourself the best possible chance at recovery and save your marriage and LIFE:

1) Self-exclude! You must self-exclude yourself from ALL casinos/bookies/online gambling websites you have used in the past or might possibly use in the future. I know where your mind is at right now, we’ve all been there. We tell ourselves we won’t gamble while we have no money but we’re just kidding ourselves – as soon as the paycheck hits its going to go straight into the casinos pockets (the addiction makes us remember those big wins which we’ve all had – makes us believe irrationally that we can win it all back). You NEED a block in place. At this point in time you will not have the mental fortitude to resist the urge itself. Self-exclude, close all accounts. If necessary – hand over your finances to your wife for control/monitoring; cut up all cards and only carry limited cash when you go on. Letting go of your ego and accepting that you cannot defeat gambling/cannot control yourself is a very important, yet incredibly mentally difficult step to reach, in order to become gambling free.

2) Seek emotional support: I know things are rough between yourself and the missus but after all she is your wife and mother of your child. No matter what happens moving forward it is in all party’s interests that you stop yourself from spiralling from one rock bottom to another by continuing gambling. Talk to her about it, being the spouse of a GA is sometimes just as difficult as being the actual GA. The amount of mental turmoil and anguish we put on those around us cannot be measured (especially as they cannot understand why we do it). Educate her as to why you do it. Confide in a close friend or your parents. If these do not apply or cannot be done, definitely recommend going to GA to some emotional support and great advice. You’ll find people from all backgrounds there (yes, some very successful in their careers), some just starting out on their recovery, others who have been clean for 10 years or more – perspective is important and you’ll need as much advice and support as you can get at this stage.

Follow these steps and keep your chin up. You are still young, you can recover from this. If you don’t you’ll look back in 10 years time and see a life wasted. Remember, your future self is watching you through memories. Are they going to be happy or devastatingly sad memories? Only you can decide that.

[anhtt113]

Thank you for your response.

Yes there is debts and there is interest payment but we are currently not at the point of financial emergency. The only thing that is make me really sad is we worked hard and really watched our spending to be able to save that much money. The money I lost is not only my money, its my wife’s money and my baby’s money.

My wife starting to have acknowledgement of me in the house now, however, I feel so ashame that I’m lost of words when come face to face with her. I did apologize to her through text message few nights ago but I’m not sure what I can say to her will make her feel better. She has been hurted by me so many times.

How can I forget my losses and move on ?

[theone12221]

I won’t sugar coat it for you because it’s going to be tough. In fact, your battle against this addiction will be the single most difficult battle you’ll ever face. It is a battle you can win. But it’s a long term one. There is no quick fix. You need to be patient. We gamblers are very impatient and we want an immediate resolution to all our problems. That’s why we gamble…we want that immediate fix to our finances, to recoup all our losses and take away all our negative emotions. Here’s what you must realise – you will never win your losses back through gambling, if you gamble more you’ll just lose more. You can get your losses back by working hard and saving like you’ve done in the past. I know it’s cliche but time will help reduce your feelings of anguish, regret and self-torment. The longer you can go without gambling, the healthier your state of mind will become and the higher chance you have of regaining the trust of those closest to you. Use the memories of your losses as a motivator to never go back to that place again. As a lesson you’ll never forget.

Just remember this. You mentioned that you are not at a point of financial emergency. You still have your wife and kid at the moment (and sounds like a place to live). You are nowhere near rock bottom. Just think about that for a moment the next time you feel an urge to gamble. How much more can you afford to lose?

[charles]

Hi again anhtt,

You wonder what you can say to her? Likely nothing you haven’t said before. There is an old saying “Actions speak louder than words.” What positive actions can you take? What can you do differently to what you have done before?

Keep posting.

[Fritz]

You will make more money in the future, that is not what is important. What is important is recognizing that the most important people in your life are your wife and daughter. Forgive yourself first. If you completely forgive yourself, there is no incentive to make back what you have lost. It won’t matter anymore. This takes time. I have been trying to forgive myself for the last 5 years and I think I am finally there. Your family will forgive you but it will take time to earn back their trust. It won’t happen in a day or a week. People trust actions not words, so take actions to prevent the gambling from happening. Give ALL money and control of your money to your wife. This was the first major step that I took that really helped me. Self exclusion from all gambling venues is a MUST. Take away all access to $$$ and all access to casinos. This will give you the best chance to fight this and will show your wife you are serious.

Once you have taken those steps, join a group meeting such as GA and participate often. This helps a great deal as well.

Keep posting and know that there is hope, but only if you take action.

[Anonymous]

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