[simon77]

To all,

I’ve known for more years than I’m alive that i am compulsive gambler. Ive had some amazing highs and spectacular lows. I can’t face it anymore, i have to try and live my life to the best of my ability and stop kidding myself that i can gamble my way to a better life. For years I’ve managed to live a cycle in which I’ve managed to convince myself gambling is the best way to help me live the life i have. It crushes me to think I’ve had the money to change my both mine and my families life for ever in the palm of my hand only to lose it all.

No more excuses, I’ve got to take ownership for stopping the rot and becoming the man in want to be. I’ve got responsibilities, a family- i don’t want to lose them and do any more damage to my relationship with them.

At present i just need to be supported to process the mess I’m in and try and look forward positively. I know it gets better without gambling, I’ve done it before, its just that the past 18 months I’ve had access to a lot of money i should not have. Needless to say I’ve gambled a lot of it.

I’ve read some really interesting posts on the forum today and i hope to be able to contribute.

Best wishes to all of those in a similar boat to me.

[simon77]

Thanks for the welcome.

Had a tough nights sleep, spent most of the night tossing and turning, ruminating over how stupid I’ve been but then couldn’t face getting up this morning!

It’s going to be a long and tough road back from the hole I’m in. I’ve spent 25 years digging it though so it’s bound to I suppose.

Had another read of some of the forum posts this morning so thank you to the people have shared and given me some perspective. Have downloaded Alan Carr’s book as well. I’m not really one for self help books but hey, I’ll bet on anything so I might as well try anything to help me stay abstinent.

Hard work ahead.

[Anonymous]

Hi Simon! I spent, give or take ,25 years digging In and out of holes as well. You would think we would of gave up the struggel that comes with gambling years ago. There is not much sense dwelling on the past. We just have to learn from it. I know “easier said than done”. Like you, I am not A big fan of self help books, but I will swear by this one! Wish I would of heard it years ago but better late than ever. Let us know what you think.

[simon77]

Well it’s been a difficult 48hrs for me but thankfully I haven’t turned to the bookies for solace. The problems I’m facing however would not be so difficult if I hadn’t been gambling like a maniac for the last couple of years.

I’m feeling pretty shellshocked in the cold light if day and I’m beating myself up to a pulp about what a mess I’ve got myself in to. This is a very difficult stage for me and I feel very vulnerable to a relapse.

I’m hoping that recording the way I feel now- the regret, the shame- will at least enable me to look back if I ever consider gambling again. I feel like the worlds biggest fool at the momement and it’s not going to be easy to get through it.

I know it could be a lot worse and reading some of the other members posts have given me some perspective.

I’m going to take a walk in the rain and listen to this damn Allan Carr book ! I might need the smoking one too if things don’t improve.

Best wishes,

Simon.

[killingit2015]

I’ve commented on Allen Carr’s book on a couple of other threads. I’ve suffered from the same issue as you. I’m sure our financial details are different but I’ve spent the last 3 years losing a tremendous amount of my net worth, going in and out of debt. I have been beating myself up the last few weeks thinking just what the hell was I doing?

It’s amazing when you have a clear mind what you think of. December 31st 2014 was my last bet. I came home and finished Allen Carr’s book in a couple of days. My whole perspective on gambling has changed – I just feel like a @#$@ing idiot for it taking me this long to sink in.

Here is a new thought for you – you don’t need to bet to relieve stress, have fun, enjoy a win or any of that other crap we tell ourselves. That winning feeling we get when we win – that’s what normal non-gamblers feel all the time! Gambling is just our body’s way to try and get back to that mental state. Quitting by willpower alone will rarely ever work, you need to look at the whole thing in a new perspective – this is what the book explains and demonstrates. Once you realise the whole thing is a con, you can make the decision to stop now and never look back.

I have tried to stop 100’s of times, but this is the first time I can honestly say I have almost no urge to gamble and it’s all because my perspective on it has changed. The one or two times I had a small urge, it dissapeared within a minute by applying his principles.

Remember, you can’t move forward by stepping backwards. Focus on the now, move on from the past. Set yourself goals – family, spiritual, financial, career. Get some small wins, then get more audacious. I’m only 8 days in but I know that in my life, things will be so radically different in 12 months that all this hell I’ve been living in will one day be ancient history.

[Anonymous]

Killingit, I feel exactly the way you do! Ugggh I wish I read the book years ago! Simone, I know you are in a bad place right now. I prey the book works for you as well. Things can and will get better if you find away to take gambling out of the equation. Routing for you!!!

[simon77]

Thanks for the support killingit.

I decided to phone my bank on the walk I took- reduced my stupidly large overdraft to stop any means of getting into even worse debt. I’m in serious trouble with money though and if things unravel any further I could lose a lot more than a few thousand pounds. Two years ago I had financial security for my family in the palm of hand, looking back I should have handed everything over to someone else. I left the door open to my addiction and duly stepped through it- far too many times.

I’m lucky that my job requires me to help people. I’m told that I’m actually quite good at it- this is of course when I do actually put my mind to and don’t spend most afternoons in a bookmakers.

Anyway, the walk I took was wet and took me past two bookmakers, I did manage to walk past both of them (twice). The family I went to meet were humble and thankful for my visit. I felt emotional and full of self loathing on the way back. I don’t know how lucky or grateful I should be for the opportunities I’ve had in life.

I got to get through today and a good few more before I start to see any real light. Going to try and use this Alan Carr approach but the truth is I’ve been in therapy that many times all the tools are there , I’ve heard it all before but choose not to use them.

[killingit2015]

No problem – felt like sharing tonight. I’ve spent so much time reading all the posts on here it’s important we all share our stories and thoughts on any progress.

I can’t relate to therapy – it sounds like you have been through the wringer. I can relate to the loss and self loathing however. 2 years ago I had a level of financial comfort and security I can now only dream of, and I have spent so much of the last few months focusing on that it just got me so damn depressed. But what did I continue to do?? Gamble! and lose more! then feel more depressed, etc etc.

That’s why I feel this disease is so insidious. I know it’s hard but try and move forward. I loved this book because it just changed my perspective on the whole damn thing. It made me realise it’s all in my head. Once I chose to stop thinking about gambling the same way, my thoughts changed almost instantly.

In all my years, I feel like this is real change and progress. I might be wrong, who knows. But I know I will never think about gambling the same way again and that’s important. Because we only keep doing the same thing when we think about it the same way. It’s just a bad habit that we associate with a good time or stress relief – nothing more. We just need to flip it.

Becareful of the self loathing. It will turn into depression and that can linger a long time. Depression can skew your sense of the past – you keep thinking about what could have been and if only and it becomes destructive. Remember you are totally in control of yourself right now at this point. It’s the millimeters in life that make all the different. The small choices you make now will tangent out into large impacts in the future.

Make the choice now to accept the loss and move forward. To set goals and focus on the future. Things won’t be like this forever, in time things WILL get better – it’s inevitable, but only if you make the right choices. You know better than anyone what those are.

[Anonymous]

Well said. Killing it! I also swear by the book. Finally a way out for some that the other ways didn’t work.

[Author]

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