Hi S
I am glad that you have found this site and I hope you will find strength in the replies as you gain knowledge to help you cope.
Mothers are meant to be role models but sadly when they are unable to fulfil this important role, for any reason, the roles are often reversed and the child takes on a heavy burden. You are not responsible, however, for your mother’s addiction, only she can stop herself gambling but there are things you can do to protect yourself which ultimately supports your mother too.
Does she live with you? Does she say she wants to stop gambling?
You have recognised that by paying her debts she is only going on to accumulate more – a CG (compulsive gambler) will see a slate being wiped clean as an opportunity to indulge their addiction further. My CG told me when he finally entered a true recovery that as long as I enabled him he could see no reason to make the effort to face his demons.
You say that you walk in on her many times throughout a day only to find her gambling online implying she is either bored or lonely or both. Does she have any other interests or hobbies that she could be stimulated into enjoying – has she got anybody willing to accompany her? I am not suggesting that it is you that gives up your time because I suspect you spend enough time worrying about her,
Perhaps you could look at the Gordon Moody Association residential programme which is available for CGs and has a terrific success rate. Details can be found seven forums below the F&F forum and information is available from our Helpline.
The most important thing that you and your sister can do is to put yourselves first. Your mother has a selfish addiction and while she is putting herself first she is not giving you the support that you deserve. She is wrapped up in her world of addiction and is leaving you to worry about the mess her poor behaviour creates. Taking a backward step is hard, especially when you have been sorting out her problems for so long but to control her addiction it is important that she takes responsibility for her actions.
I will leave this first post there and await your reply but please keep posting and hopefully you will gain the knowledge to help you cope.
Well done starting your thread, I know it isn’t easy to talk about a loved one with an addiction but being open and seeking support is the right thing to do especially when your mother’s addiction craves secrecy so that it can flourish.
Velvet
