I don’t understand words, I only see numbers.
I no longer am present, the weight of shame encumbers.
I will listen, but only if you agree with me.
As time passes by, I have less money.

Where do I go, how do I leave?
I don’t know which way, but still I proceed.
What can I do today, how long will it be;
Until the boredom overcomes me.

I’ve forgotten how to feel, I don’t find it helpful.
I know I can gamble, I will be successful.
I am optimistic, I have plans and strategy.
I convince myself once again, I have the capacity.

Some time passes, nothing has changed.
Only my bank balance and my old self more estranged.
if I disregard this then there is no damage.
As life becomes more challenging, I seek another advantage,

I still don’t know the way, but still I proceed.
I must do the minimum, to hide and deceive.
If I could speak, would anyone listen?
I can’t speak, as my mind has gone missing,

Some time passes and nothing has changed,
Except a renewed desire to gamble again.
I try to distract myself but it is to no effect,
the urges are too strong and I will soon be wrecked,

Click, click, click, I wonder how many more,
Until I’m homeless, incarcerated or overdosed on the floor.
With every deposit, I become more withdrawn.
It seems I am alone, with nothing left to pawn

In fleeting moments it becomes clear to me
Gambling is not the answer, but I can’t take my thoughts seriously.
I don’t know which way but still I will proceed,
I will find the way but it is not easy.

Comments:
Probably a lot of grammatical errors/bad structure. I don’t believe I’ve ever wrote a poem(if it can be called that!) before but saw some others and thought i’d give it a try. Thanks anybody for reading, I guess today is Day 1 again!