[time2change]

Hello everyone I am currently awaiting entry into the GMA program and would just like to post about my life so far if that’s okay.

So I’m a 35 year old male cg from England, I have been gambling since leaving school. I started on fruit machines and became thoroughly obsessed by them immediately. I would go to arcades instead of attending college, blow a full weeks wage in a day from my part time jobs, I had received a student grant and that all went in no time too. Very quickly I had begun pawning or selling my possessions just to get money to gamble.

This was all in first 6 months. I must of known I had problems as I sought out counselling by then, we discussed strategies to control my gambling as I didn’t want to stop playing on the machines at that time.

Things got worse during the next year. By this time I looked at the GA 20 questions and found I could answer yes to them all. I left college and joined the Royal Navy hoping to quit gambling during my basic training and to change my life. I didn’t know about NAAFI bars and shops then…. There where machines everywhere lol.

So I came home got a job and then I started betting horses aged 18. I was stealing at times to pay for gambling when I was unable to blag money from friends and family. I would think nothing about ditching girlfriends to play machines in pubs or dragging them into bookies with me.

The years rolled by, same s*** different day, in 2005 the poker boom kicked off and I begun to play that too. I had read some books and had a basic strategy that put me ahead of most players and I was winning. Easy! Of course you end up thinking you’re much better a player then you are, my ego loved poker lol.

It came crashing down when I lost 5k at a card school to a „friend „, I had to repay this at 500 per month and my full time job was only national minimum wage. I was working a forty hour week and had a worse lifestyle than someone who was unemployed. I felt like a slave and vowed to stop once that was repaid.

But, I didn’t in fact quite the opposite I would get paid each month and place really large bets -for me, sometimes 200 win singles. Now I was losing a months wages in a day instead of a weeks.

I was eventually sacked from my job over three years ago which was good as I was on the verge of eviction but my benefits kicked in and I kept my rented flat.

I was happy to sit on benefits at the time why work only to lose it all. I managed 6 months abstinence at one point but when I started back I did just as much damage as if I had just gambled continuously.

My addiction has left me isolated at times also depressed anxious and at times suicidal. I don’t really care about the money I have lost. I care about the actions I have taken the friends I have lost and the suffering I have put my family through. At times when I look in the mirror I hate the person looking back, I feel so weak for allowing things to get so bad.

I have been fortunate to make some new friends in this last year but I would feel compelled to gamble to try and match their lifestyles. I started to borrow from them and let them down when due to pay back this happened twice before I sought help most recently. I also want to stop for my mother I want her to see me beat this during her lifetime so she can be proud of me.

[velvet]

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Hello T2C and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hi T2C
I wouldn’t be writing to you if I didn’t know the addiction to gamble can be controlled and wonderful lives lived as a result of the effort.
You have done well recognising that behind you is a ton of wreckage caused by your addiction but today you have chosen to change your life and you can do it.
I hope you will keep posting, join our groups and contact our helpline until you enter the GMA programme. I would love to welcome your mother into a Friends and Family group, either on Tuesday at 10pm or Thursday between 6 and 7pm. Nothing said in the group appears on the forums; she will be understood and supported without judgement.
I wish you well. I will follow your thread and look forward to hoping your progress.
Velvet

[time2change]

Hi velvet thank you for your kind words, I would like my mum to visit your group very much but she needs some encouraging I think. Hoping she will come round though. Thanks again for taking the time to reply 🙂

[charles]

Hello Time2change and welcoem to the forum.

Well done on making your first post here and also on applying to GMA. Use the support that you have avaialbe and your mum will indeed be proud of you. I know my family is proud of me despite some of the things I have done in the past. While you are waiting your entry inot Gordon House what things can you do now? Posting here hopefully, connecting to some of the groups maybe. There is also a one to one helpline that is often manned by someone who has been through the GMA programme.

Maybe GA meetings in the period between now and your acceptance?

Keep posting and I look forward to hearing your progress in recovery.

[velvet]

Hi T2C
I just popped over to see how you were doing as I don’t know whether you have started the programme yet or not – if not I hope it won’t be long, I know the waiting is tough.
Please tell your mum that nobody will know who she is, that nothing we talk about will appear on the forum and that it really helps to know that someone has been where she is now.
Wishing you both a happier future.
Velvet

[time2change]

Thank you for your comment Charles, I am attending GA currently and finding it really helpful to hear other cg sharing their experiences although I find the rest of it a little confusing. It’s working so far, my last bet was June 4th but on two occasions I’ve made it to Ladbrokes with horses already picked out and money in my pocket before I’ve managed to put the brakes on. Also I find myself thinking are GMA going to say I’m doing fine as I am and therefore I can’t do the program? I’m not in uncharted waters yet, I have managed to stop for six months before without help but then returned to gambling and did as much damage then as if I had just continued to gamble throughout. Feeling quite anxious about it all really.

[time2change]

Hi velvet
I’m really pleased you’ve taken time out to check in on me 🙂 I am still waiting for a date to go in at the moment. I will speak to my mum about what you have said as I agree with you that she would benefit from speaking with someone who has been in her shoes. I don’t know if she will, but I hope she does

Thanks again for your comment.

[velvet]

Hi T2Cs.
Going to GA will not make anyone say you are doing fine and unable to do the programme. I remember that the days before my CG went into to Gordon House he worried about anything that might prevent him joining the programme and they were some of the toughest days but thankfully they did pass.
Our groups are not like GA and you might like their format, I don’t know if you have tried them yet but they are there for you.
Velvet

[charles]

I’d echo what Velvet has said. I’m not involved in the residential program but I would have thought that the fact that someone is doing all they can in the run up to entering the program would be something that they would want to see 🙂

Hopefully see you in a group here soon as well.

[time2change]

Hey guys, had phone call today starting GMA next week been to GA tonight and told everyone there about it lots of people wished me well which really cheered me up.
Last week was a struggle, had urges on three consecutive days which got me really fed up started to get depressed thinking „Am I going to have to deal with this crap everyday?”
I believe that I may be struggling due to the length of time since my last gamble. That was forty days ago today. Recently, I feel I have become aware of how much time and mental energy I have been putting into gambling and find myself getting frustrated as I don’t have anything to replace that with right now.
I’m just getting annoyed with myself really. I know I should expect urges, I know the urges won’t harm me but I wish I could cope better.
Thanks velvet and Charles for your comments, and to you Harry for a reply that really got me thinking. You were very accurate with your two pronged attack idea, and I related to the second part about thinking I needed to fail in my abstinence to convince GMA I need them.
I do apologise for being slow to reply but hoping to see you all online during this week.

[vera]

Well done on 40 G free days!

Just keep postponing that next bet. You are doing really well!
Good luck in GH. You will be given Tools for Life there!
Use them one day at a time!
You have a great life ahead.

[time2change]

Thanks for your support Vera.

[velvet]

Hi T2C
I know the support is there for you to learn to cope if you want it enough and I for one will be cheering you on from the side lines in cyber space.
Take everything that is on offer, this is a wonderful opportunity for you. Nobody could or should say it is going to be easy but taking one day at a time and with determination, you can achieve your dream.
Velvet

[Autorius]

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