[Rayman10]

hello everyone, 

After 18 months of being gamble free i relapsed badly , 18 months ago i made a vow to stop, i had lost 50000 usd in one year of gambling which was all my savings ….

After so much time recovering i chose to Start sports betting for championsleague football, i wont 300 usd in the first week then lost it.

That was the beggining of the end for me .. i ended up losing 5000  yesterday after binging on roulette (after being intially up 3000)

As it stands ive lost close to 10 000 usd in this month alone….. ALL i could think about right now is that 10000 and ways to win it back…

i realise im sick and i cant beat this… this is day one … i want to stop but im feeling urges to try to chase my losses…. 

Noone knows about this and it hurts … i cant confide in anyone about this but you all…. my mind is clouded and im extremely depressed …how do i start over?

[Rayman10]

Its been day 3 since my relapse and i still cant seem to stop reliving the experience and thinking of  the money i have lost, i am scared because anytime i think of the money i lost i begin to obsess over the things i could of boughtwith it, i watch the poor struggling to eat, i look at the orphaned children and im such a terrible human being for being so wasteful, im really fighting the fight right now… cant wait till the cloud lifts and clarity finds a way through

[lizbeth4]

Hi Rayman, You will replay your losses for aehile in your head and then you will release it. You had a good period of gambling free time. What triggered your gambling? What barriers did you use last time? Try to put those in place again. You can do this. One day at a time!

[Rayman10]

i stopped cold turkey, when i dropped all my pride and admitted to myself that i haave been defeated, my main problem is fixating on the losses and wanting so much revenge …also the thougt of winning is so addictive, i think that im smarter than the house, which is wrong …… 18 months ago i just stopped and focused on my work and job and paid out all my debt by extra hours of work …. i associated the smell and look of the casino with disgusting feelings and not any glamour , 18 months down the line i felt in control again…myfinances was looking better, llife was liveable, i forgot about all the pain gambling caused and wanted to just have a 100 dollar gamble… i played safe and coverted my money into about 300 usd… and instead of walking i lost it….now losing triggers a feeling of momentary madnes in me and deposited 1000 to get it back and from there it spiralled to th point where i depleted a lot of my savings again… 

[finding_laura]

Welcome back Rayman, I’m sorry to hear of your relapse. It is very painful to flush all that progress down the toilet. Once you place that first bet it felt like you were powerless to stop the return to old ways. Yes we can fool ourselves for a little while. We can do this responsibly, we have learned not to go too far, and then we crash all over again. I’ve been there.
The good news is that your mind hasn’t forgotten those 18 months! You can get back into the groove of recovery! You can find your way out of this again! And it will feel familiar quickly, the life of non gambling! The only thing that saved me from a terrible back slide was my barriers. I couldn’t access all of my money. Something for you to consider.

What can you do to protect your money from you? Can you transfer it to bank accounts you don’t have access to? Can you have a trusted family member hold some money for you? What can you do to work on you? Can you access any sort of counseling? This is your life you are fighting for and you are worth it. What about bans? or closing gambling accounts? Do you use your phone or computer? What about a gambling blocker?

There is still a lot of life left to live. How are you going to live it?

All the best Rayman!

[Lily Nix]

Hi Raymond, I can totally relate to your post…. I have been struggling for years and have had maybe 3 months at the longest without gambling and I never put any barriers in place or talked to anyone, talk about pain and suffering! 

The last time I placed a bet which was 8 days ago, I lost 2000…it was craziness and I was like a demon wanting to get my money back, but when I got home I was ready to burst, I told my husband and the was some instant relief. 

I caught in your post that you can not confide in anyone and if you find relief posting on here that’s great but sometimes talking face to face with someone is powerful, I guess it was for me. I have now surrendered to the fact that my money is gone, never to be won back.

You went 18 months and that is an inspiration to me, it must take a lot  strength and courage, and you give me hope that it can be done! 

[i-did-it]

Hi Rainman
I am sorry to read that you gambled after being gamble free for so long . It might help to see this as a lesson along the way – a reminder that you need tighter barriers perhaps ?

As Lizbeth has said you have not lost your gamble free time – you have proved to yourself that you can do this – you still have 18 months gamble free time behind you – now with a few slips but if sounds like you are right back on the band wagon .

You can do this Rainman- you know that! . You also know from the past that you need to put the loss behind you and chalk it up to experience – how many times have we all lost a grand changing a 100?
You will do this and remind yourself that our have done exceedingly well in fighting this horrible and difficult addiction

Keep strong Rainman. .

[Rayman10]

hey sara, so when i was just starting to come to terms with everything i was driving home from work today and got cravings for a win again….. I went again today…Lost about 1000, my recovery process has been hijacked by lack of willpower to stop… i feel numb, detched from the world and i feel like im not even in control of myself anymore…. on top of everything i have a high pressured of job where i  need to mantain focus and im just in shambles at the moment ….. im literlly shaking at this moment …. want the eath to swallow me up 

[charles]

Hi Rayman,
What other barriers can you put in place? You seem to have access to quite a lot of money with which to gamble? Who could help you with accountability?

Keep posting.

[Rayman10]

well i have self excluded from online casinos only and installed software, No one has a tab on my finances, … i have only come clean to my best freind ….but i cant say that i have told an immedicate family member anything yet…. im to ashamed…i really dont wanna disappoint my folks … i basically have my savings accesible through my debit card which im currently depleting and is just a couple bets away from being completely empty….. MY mind is so clouded after todays lost… because im usually a strong willed individual and i promised myself that was it a few days ago….. But i realise im just a full fledged addict …not different to a crack addict  who needs a hit…. Im feeling very low …

[charles]

Then speaking to your family and accountability would help. When I first stopped I had bank statements etc sent tomy mum’s address – KNOWING she would find out if i gambles was a big deterrent.

Now you have cut off the online gambling then the “real life” casinos etc are going to become more attractive. i would recommend asking them to exclude you as well.

[Rayman10]

thanks for the advice buddy, im sucking it all up to inform my mother tonight about it…. i must,

will keep you all posted about my recovery process

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