[mm1980]

I’ve been aware that i’m a compulsive gambler / addict for years yet I still do it. I’ve lost count of the amount of times Ive promised myself even convinced myself that I have stopped for good. I know I always blow any money I have down to the last penny , then I’ll try to borrow some to get me through to me next pay check. Just turned 30 and been gambling destructively since I was probably 17-18 I have never reframed form gambling for any real amount of time. I work in Sales and to be fair Im quite good ( mainly I suppose because I need the money for gamble so i suppose im a little more passionate, determined than other sales reps!).The last two firms Ive worked for actually had to change the pay structure for the whole company because I needed to be paid my basic salary weekly because I’d blow it all every month within days – even been paid weekly I’d still need to try and borrow money to get me through to next week.
Ive got countless stories to tell as im positive everyone on this site has aswell ! Non Gamblers have asked me often about my gambling and when I give them basic recent examples of my gambling activity over the pervious few weeks they just cant contemplate what Im saying – I’m sure half the time they think im exaggerating or making it up ! when Im often downplaying it ! " Why dont you just stop ? " , " You should stop you always lose your money?" , "you have a gambling problem ? " – Thanks guys but i wish it was that easy…
Sports betting on line is mainly what I do.
Ive now work from myself so dont have a wage to rely on. Im paid when my clients pay their invoices. Ive been skint recently as blew the last invoice(and the previous one and the previous one…. )I got paid three weeks ago and Ive been waiting for this invoice to get to me. Im new here i dont really know if its the done thing to talk about figures? What i do know is from personal experience it doesn’t matter if Im gamble ring £10,000 or £50 I gamble all I have so I guess it all equated to the same value regardless if someone is on 100grand salery or 100k in debt.
I got paid the invoice for just over £7000 – clearly for any sane person more then enough to see them through having an excellent christmas and if need be to survive on well into next year. I have convinced my self that I would not gamble any of this money (not for the first time) I’d had a list of things I was going to buy. The day before the money was due I was felling really down / tence, not excited it was like subconsciously I knew I was due to blown it all. On Thursday night the day before the money was due to clear I logged onto bet fair and tried to do a transaction – 4000 went on. I cant remember the exact cource of events and i dont want to look at the history but I ended up waking up some point in the morning with American Fottball on the telly Id put that 4000 and another 2000 that Id won earlier on a argentina football match on tennessee to beat the colts with the handicap. I was like OH My GOD what have I done to make things worse tennessee were getting battered in the third 1/4 and the bet looked certain to lose – I couldn’t even trade out of the bet to save some money because there wasn’t enough money on the market at that time of night so im standing up pacing around stressing and low and behold with the very last play of the game tennessee scored to bring them to within .5 a point of the handicap !! I ended up with just over 10k I went back to sleep promising that was it. Next Morning like a robot im up at 7 am or so and straight away im looking for something to bet on – a football match in austriala, then Cricket indian v new zealand – with the cricket I wasn’t even satisfied with betting on the out come of the game I was betting on the first man out / first innings score, winner + other things. This brought me up to the start of the horse racing….. In my head I didn’t really intend to gamble I thought I have this little system id been working on which involved a strict staking plan.
By about 3pm it was all gone.
That night I had to interview someone for a potential job working for me !! ( that wont be happening now as i cant take the risk of blowing their wages) and to meet a few friends – most people were buzzing because its the weekend and christmas – i wasent in the bets of mood to say the least !! but im so use to it I still crack jokes and putting up with people moaning about their problems like the taxi driver charged the 6.20 in stead of 5 pound ! or the train was delayed.
Anyway I’ll rap this up that night i got home and put on the rest of the money = pool fist of all (who bets on pool !!), it was the only thing on then ice hockey – I hate ice hockey it does my head in I cant see the puck either way I’d put 2-3k on montreal the underdog to beat detroit – they didn’t.
I have a grand total to £197 to last me until the second Friday of Jan !
Happy Christmas guys ! I hope I haven’t bored anyone to much but it made me feel a bit better.
I really, really want to a stop but the terrifying thing is if i suddenly found money in one of my accounts or in bank today i bet id try to ‘invest’ it on some game or another………

 

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