[Amir Zaky]

What really drove me to share my story and asking for support is when i figured out that gambling is affecting my ability to analy

I’m 30 years old living in Egypt where casions are illegale for egyptians, and all my life when i used to see gambling only in movies and asking myself the same question :” how stupid can be the  person who gamble his  earned money to a game of chance. 

I started almost 18 months ago when i was in a trip to South Africa and i saw a casion for the first time, and i just wanted to give it a try ( just like the movies). I stared with small cash in my wallet (300 ZAR = 20 USD) , and i ended up with (10k ZAR = 650 USD) then a month later i started online gambling from Egypt.

I wond big several times (biggest banroll i had was 18k USD) but all the money i won or withdrawn is back to the online casinos and i lost it all.

now I’m 30k USD down, i know it doesn’t sound much but I make around 15k USD a year ( that’s considered a good salary in Egypt !!! ), luckly i still have my car and my house

and a small seperate saving account (less than 3k  USD), but i have a loan  to pay (5k USD ) and credit card debt for another 5k USD.

what made me feel that i need help is that internal struggle between the urge to win back what i have loss, and my complete belive that gambling again will only make it worse, and what happened all the previous times of ending up with a loss – even after big wins- will just happen again and i will simply lose. wich has been ending up with just playing againg and lossing again.

the idea that is really driving me crazy is why it’s very hard to surrender to the loss and stop gambling before it’s too late, and why life is very slow and boring away from the casion, while it wasn’t before i knew gambling.

is it ego?

Is it the past experince of winning big ?

Or is it becuase i just want to play again ? 

Amir 

[Berta24449787]

Its more brain chemistry for me because I get a rush from hitting the bonus symbols. Do it enough and your brain becomes trained to anticipate the rush and you crave the release. I am a compulsive online gambler and its fine to say you chase your losses but then why wouldn’t you quit when you are up? We feel good when we win and it could be ego but then why do you continue to do something obsessively when in the end you know that you are going to lose? I think we say things to ourselves to justify gambling but I think its only to make ourselves feel better. Can you say that you are an addict?
Treat yourself like an addict – anyone addicted to anything must stop using it to feel better. It’s only when you face that you are an addict with no control that you will be able to start dealing with it. It doesn’t matter what you tell yourself and why you do it. JUST STOP.

[Amir Zaky]

Thank you.

Yes off course I’m addicted to gambling, and i do addmit that.

I had several discussions with my best friend asking for his support as i have realised three month ago that i cannot control my addiction by my own. 

i gave him the credentials to change the passwords to my two online casino accounts and i enjoyed three month gambling free and alomst settled my CC debt, but one week ago i found two more sites that accepts gamblers from Egypt.

again i gave him the credientials to lock me out, and the good think that it’s very rare to found sites that would accepts players from Egypt, as the last two i found were founded in Jan 2019. hopefuly i stop searching for new websites.

also he now has access to my bank account as he acceptts to make a daily check on it, to make me feel embarrased if i broke my word of not gambling again, or may be to react if he found that i made another deposit to a casino.

[Amir Zaky]

for the past the three month i have been thinking about gambling most of the time, sometimes thinking about playing and win back, sometimes thinking about just stopping.

I have an idea for few days now that i can’t get out of my head, it is that gambling is a disease that only got a chance with me because it found an emptiness and greed in me. and in the process of seeking an answer i was looking for a biblical one and so i found this ” The Generous soul will be made rich, and he who waters will also be watered himself” Proverbs 11:25

not sure if that the answer or not, but i’m keep thinking that the way out would be to stop thinking about myself and my problem and start to help others and this would take the emptiness and selfishness away, and with that Gambling will not find a space in my thoughts or soul.

I not sure about anything at this point , but that’s the idea i have for some time now, not sure if that the answer or not, may be it’s too early for that phase and i just need to focus on my problem then helping other can come in a further stage.

[dunc]

Hello Amir it was great talking to you earlier and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[Berta24449787]

  I am sorry if I sounded as though I thought that you did not realize that you were addicted.  My point is that the reason why you started gambling is a peripheral issue. The whole point in this is to understand that you are an addict and like/all others that have come before you the question as to why you keep gambling is moot. You just have to realize that you have no control, like an alcoholic or drug addict, and it doesn’t matter why you keep wanting to you just have to stop. Once we get over any misconceptions of how and why and stop thinking about how we could do it differently I think it becomes crystal clear. Just give it time and it gets easier.

[Amir Zaky]

I have read your message several times, and i think you have a great point that i’m giving so much thinking and analysis to a side issue and all my focus and effort should be directed TO STOP GAMBLING. 

[Amir Zaky]

I’m considering to start learning to meditate, hopefully if may help. as i do understand that meditation is all about controlling the mind and thought THAT REALLY WHAT I NEED TO STOP.
i will start looking for a youtube channel that teaches meditation and will give it a try, will keep sharing the updates on this tread as some sort of documentation

[Amir Zaky]

that’s today message to myself:

“For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world and loses his own soul?” Matthew 16:26.

I think i already lost a big part of my whole world, there is no reason to lose my soul walking this route of chasing losses and trying to win back. Enough is enough and let’s work on redeeming my soul.

[Amir Zaky]

Thanks Running Girl,

I think you are right, and as much as possible of weapons to be used against this gambling illness would give the best chances of curing.

I’m facing lack of resources in Egypt as councelling is not available for gambling related issues, also meditation is not that common but i found the below youtube channel that i think it’s okay for me to start with to lear to medidate, also i got myself a gym memebership, and most of my focus is on the spiritual side ( spending some good time with the bible, praying ,.. )

I have also request few minutes ago from my bank to send me replacment credit cards so i can scratch off the 3 security numbers on the back.

You can’t imagine how much it’s helpful for me this website and the people’s interaction with me, the support and the advices i’m getting is filling me with energy. and reading other peoples struggle makes me really scared as the stories makes sure that the win is not going to happen and dammage will only increase if i kept gambling.

Thanks Running Girl 🙂 

[Amir Zaky]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wirV265ZYSw

[Meghna83]

Zaky how are things with you. Please do keep posting

[Amir Zaky]

Hello Meghna,

i have logged in just because u r keep coming across my mind and I’m only logging to check on your updates, u can’t imagine how much your message is making me happy.

I had very good happy vacation, then relapsed, win and loss several times, finally i have stopped with a small win.

i started to realise that i will never stop unless i don’t have the means to gamble.

not feeling so good, but fortunately i din’t lose extra cash.

Thanks very much Meghna, now moving to your thread to check-up on your updates.

[Meghna83]

I am glad i can support you in some way. 

Your experience is quite similar to mine in that I also gambled since my last post. Lost some money though but got a litll of it back. But overall lost more than I could afford to. It was inevitable that I would walk away a loser In this illusion called gambling.

On the plus side my urges to gamble have weakened and I have now started to account for the money I have played away. I don’t want to lose anymore and have placed restrictions now to stop once and for all.

i remain optimistic and looking forward to returning to work and earning money again 

[Meghna83]

Hello Amir

How are you?

[Autore]

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