[hannarfaith]

My husband is angry and I think he hates me and I know he has every right to be mad at me for all my lies and seeking behind his back ….I just want him to not be angry and help me fix my problem he says he will help me but then every chance he gets he throws it up in my face so when he’s mad about anything even when it doesn’t have anything to do with me it always leads back t me and how my gambling is ruining his finances and our marriage…..he makes me believe he really only cares about his money. I feel like he loves his money more than me I feel like that’s all he really cares about wich makes me want to gamble it away even though I know it not only hurting him but its hurting me too. I font know what to do or how we can work together and help me control my problem . Any suggestions?

[Névtelen]

HI Hannar, i get this one completely. i haven’t been honest with my husband because he has never shown me he can be trusted with my honesty. We sometimes are so wrapped up in our own mistakes and guilt that we don’t see that we are not the only untrustworthy ones in the relationship.
Trusting a loved one with our shame and then having it thrown back in our faces is low…very low.

They excuse their behavior by playing the victim,the hurt one, the let down one, but the person on the receiving end of emotional abuse is just as much of a victim.

i often notice on here that people who stay in recovery have left at least one major relationship behind…

now i wonder if we were to view this as „my unhappiness in that relationship ,led me to seek gambling as an escape, rather that I ruined my marriage through gambling”…

Maybe we need to have a real brain shift…

Food for thought ?

[charlster2]

Hi Hannar,

Regardless of how you may be feeling right now, being honest about your gambling is the best thing you could do. What your husband does with that honesty is a reflection on him and not you. What you need to do is reassure yourself that you have done the right thing and learn to own your own emotions. Continue to be open and honest and your problems will start to ease.

As compulsive gamblers we find any excuse to gamble and blaming others is a common trait of people with this addiction. Using your husband’s behaviour or what he says as a reason to gamble is a classic example of this. Owning your own emotions will mean that you start to take back control of your own life and not let anyone else have that control through what they may do or say to you.

Being a gambling addict will impact adversely on any relationship and will impact negatively on any couples financial situation, that is a fact. Taking responsibility for your gambling and being open and honest about your gambling are giant steps towards tackling this addiction, so you deserve huge credit for that. Keep doing the right things and focus on seeking help. In an ideal world it would be fantastic if your husband helps you through this, as it’s far easier with a support network. However, if that help is not forthcoming, it’s vital that you stay focussed and strong for the sake of you first and foremost. If you can find the strength and determination to tackle this addiction, every area of your life will start to improve. Don’t be derailed by negative comments or the negative actions of others. Learn to bat them away, this is your recovery, this is your life.

Best wishes and never give up.

Charlster.

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