[PrettyBoyFloyd1]

Crazy how my gambling has snowballed. I remember as a kid making $5-10 bets on games with classmates. Fast forward to college and I was making bets for a couple thousand. Now it’s out of control.

2017-
I was down about 20k in my life when I hit a 2 team parlay (3k to win 40k). I ended up getting that 43k up to 50k. And then there was a slow and steady decline within a week or so. The last day I lost the final 20k of it. It was a basketball game and I lost in a blowout.

I didn’t tell anyone about this. Of course no one likes to talk about their losses. Friends knew about the 43k win and would bring up on occasion and I would smile but on the inside I would feel like such an idiot. I recently had gotten married I had to act happy even when I wasn’t. I thought about it a lot, every single day.

2018-
Ended up losing about 5k more the following NFL season. French Open rolls around and I win 10k. I ended up putting 10k (to win 55k) on a football bet.

2019-
The bet wins. I collect my money and then I win 10k more in Vegas. The night of the football win I was drunk and told my wife about the 2017 loss. I broke down in tears.

I recently had a son. To celebrate I put 10k on my online betting account. Just to make a little tennis parlay. It wins, my account is up to 13k. I kept betting. I would win some, lose some, then I got RED HOT. I got the account up to 40k. I was going to make one last bet. 30k to hopefully get my account to 70k. Even if I lost I would have had 10k, right back even from the 10k initial investment. You can probably guess what happens next…. I lose. And that 10k is gone after a couple of days.

So I dip into my winnings from earlier the year. Win a good chunk. Lose a little. Lose big. Lose big again. 25k was one of the losses. As of last night down 30k. I actually have one more bet placed for this weekend. 4 team parlay (all moneyline NFL) to bring back 14.5k which, if I win, I’m going to try to get it back up to that 30k with “one final bet” and then stop. (Yeah right).

I have 3 futures bets that in all honesty have a legit shot of winning big money. These bets would end in February and June (100k if they all hit) But I’m in a sorry state right now and assuming Sunday will be a loss and so will the future bets.

I talk sports and betting with coworkers and a couple of the guys know I’ve been betting big over the last month. Walking into work last week a coworker let out a nervous laugh and said he’s a little worried about me and even gave me a hug. This is coming from a hard nose guy, someone you wouldn’t expect to do something like that. I of course told him that I’m slowly down, not going to the casino anymore.

35 years old. Currently have 66k saved (wife has a similar amount in her account). I put the max in my retirement plan that I can each year. I have a solid job. 85k a year. I could retire with full pension and free health insurance by my mid-50’s. My son is amazing. My wife is amazing. In the grand scheme of things, I’m doing fine. I’m lucky to have what I have. My family grew up poor. I’m going to retire a millionaire from my 401k, yet I can’t shake the feeling that I’m a big loser. I’ve had thoughts of hurting myself but I won’t. More like “if I ended up going this route, no one would ever know why”.

I kind of feel like I let my family down. It’s one thing when I was single and would bet. But it’s different when people depend on you.

The good thing is I won’t deposit into my online account anymore. You can only do $500 a day (+ fees) and at this point I would have to bet HUGE amounts to satisfy my needs. It would take 20 days to put in 10k and even putting in 10k wouldn’t satisfy the big bets I’ve been making. I’m not willing to do that. There’s a casino 2 hours away from my that I have visited 5 times over the past 2 weeks but it’s a real hassle to get to. I told my wife I’m going a couple of times but it can’t last. We have the app that tracks each other (it’s great for convenience purposes) so I can’t go behind her back and spend time at the casino.

Thanks for reading if you got this far. Just needed to vent. I kinda feel better already.

[Steev]

You wrote: „I have a solid job. 85k a year. I could retire with full pension and free health insurance by my mid-50’s. My son is amazing. My wife is amazing. In the grand scheme of things, I’m doing fine. I’m lucky to have what I have. My family grew up poor. I’m going to retire a millionaire from my 401k, yet I can’t shake the feeling that I’m a big loser. I’ve had thoughts of hurting myself but I won’t.”

It feels like there is no need for you to be gambling as you have it all already. Yet the truth is that a lot of us don’t bet for the money – we bet for the buzz it gives us. The rush which is there whether we win or lose. (Although it is better if we win.)

If you feel you don’t deserve what is going on for you – to the extent that you have had thoughts of hurting yourself – then would talking this out even more help? You felt better after venting to us on-line, how much better to be able to vent to someone trained to deal with it, in person. You could check and see if counseling is available in your local area – for gambling issues or just for low self-esteem, which I think this idea of not deserving what I have is.
It may cost – but it will be considerably cheaper than the losses you will inevitably incur if you continue to gamble.
You can also talk to some of us, in real time in the „support groups” which are listed above the forum heading. There is a facilitated New Members group on a Monday and Thursday. It is good to talk!

[PrettyBoyFloyd1]

Thank you for your response Steve. I downloaded the „GT” app and I plan to join a discussion in my more trying moments. Just have to try to be a little better every day. I appreciate the support. 

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