[Darren72]

Hello everyone,

Let me firstly say that I have perused a number of forum blog entries on here and realized just how many of us are trying to find that elusive solution to our CG issues .. let me say from experience, anyone can abstain from gambling no matter how much money you have lost over whatever period of time, we all have the ability to stop gambling, first thing to remember is, like any addiction, we have to want to stop for ourselves. I have stopped before, for over a one year period, but, as you can tell from my presence here, I relapsed and must start again.

I have also noticed a number of people have written maybe one or two entries and then nothing since, I am truly hoping they have managed to quit the addiction but I fear they may have relapsed … I only hope they come back, accept they had a ‘blip’, and start again. Rome wasn’t built in a day etc etc.

I have been a CG for over 25 years if truth be told, starting when I was around 19 years of age. Like many guys, for me, it started in the pubs and clubs on the 10p a go bandits as they were, growing exponentially over the years to £80 to £100 roulette spins on FOBT in the bookies. Gambling is a mental addiction, unlike drugs or alcohol being more physical, and it was always the buzz when winning that kept drawing me back. Even if I lost (more often than not) I always looked forward to when I could next gamble to the point which we all find ourselves at, chasing our losses.

I am a married guy, and only a few months ago my private gambling world was brought out into the open when my wife inadvertently opened a letter addressed to me. It was a letter from one of my many creditors agreeing to the payment plan in order to start paying back the ridiculous amount of money I had borrowed from them, a PayDay lender (one of many!)

This might sound awful, as the shock my wife received after finding out I had gambled away over £7500 in a matter of months was obviously hard for her to take in, but for me, in all honesty, it was a huge relief, a massive weight off my shoulders. No longer was I worrying about letters dropping through the letterbox, adverts on the TV about Clear Score credit reports ( we were hoping to buy our house ) etc. Now it was all in the open and I could concentrate on where I am now, starting to tackle my addiction head on.

The support I have received from my family has been fantastic, so please, please, don’t be embarrassed to speak to your partner, wife, husband etc, it really is a massive help to know you have people rooting for you. Yes, I was embarrassed, and felt like I had let my family down etc, but you are no mass murderer, you are potentially a good person who happens to have an addiction that can happen to anyone.

I’m now at Day 18 of no gambling of any kind and in all honesty I feel great. Yes I still get the odd urge to go to the nearest bookies, but I swiftly remind myself of how let down I would feel in myself, and how much I would let my family down, and I’m not prepared to go down that road again.

I will keep making journal entries on here moving forward, I certainly found it a great inspiration reading what you guys have written, knowing I can express my feelings (which us blokes are **** at doing!) without feeling embarrassed.

I’m coming up to 3 weeks of abstaining, I take it a day at a time and I keep reminding myself how much money I have saved each day …. it really is purely a mental state of mind, changing how you perceive gambling, it is for me a negative, not a positive … stay mentally strong and we can beat this horrendous addiction.

Lastly, just to put into context, I mentioned earlier I had lost around £7500 over a short period of time recently, however, over the last 25+ years I reckon I have gambled away in excess of £100,000 … enough to buy a small house … that really makes me angry, but I can’t go back, only forward, and that is how I intend to roll.

Darren.

[charles]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[Névtelen]

Hi ya Darren

Let me begin by saying well done on finding gt and getting started on your recovery.

I’ve read your post a few times now, and can’t help wondering if you would be here posting if your wife hadn’t of opened your letter from the lender? Probably just the cynic in me, but it did make me wonder. You go on to say, „don’t be embarrassed to speak to your partner, wife, husband etc, it really is a massive help to know you have people rooting for you.” But is this something you would have done if your wife hadn’t of opened that letter.

Anyway in a lot of ways you probably think it dosnt really matter if you’re seriously attempting to quit gambling for good, and I can’t completely disagree.

Like you I started gambling on the bandits when I was a teenager, and have managed to destroy great chunks of my life through my gambling. I was always of the opinion that I would always gamble and I was doomed to it for ever.

You write with an understanding of gambling and I wonder if you’ve tried any support previously, to help you stop?

I am quite cynical on a good day, very cynical on most, this I think is due to over thirty years of living the most dishonest of lives, where I would stop at practically nothing to get funding for my next gambling outing. And 90%+ of what I would say/write would be complete and utter bs. Maybe laying the foundations for future lies or schemes to get money.

The reason I mention my cynicism is because I don’t want you to think I’m just a moany old git picking fault with everything.

You mention your wife opening the letter and what a relief it was to you, and you say because of that you were now able to concentrate on tackling your gambling head on. I can understand that I am pleased you have 18 days clean (hopefully 22days now), but if your wife opened that letter only „a few months” ago, what went on during the time between your wife opening the letter and the start of your abstinence 18 days ago?? Why did you gamble, after your wife had found the letter? If it was such a relief and allowed you to concentrate on tackling your problem head on.

I’ve learned many lessons over the years Darren, one of the most important in my eyes is how important self honesty is. Sounds daft but as well as lying to others during our dark gambling days we continuously lie to ourselves, most of the time without even realising it.

You mention how shocked your wife was to learn about your gambling, but maybe it’s come of a bit of a relief to her too. Along with the shock of finding out about the loan I would reckon she feels completely betrayed that her husband could keep a huge chunk of his life a massive secret like this. Now she does know it might help her a great deal to seek support for herself to help her come to terms with it, and also to learn the best ways to help support you.

I agree with you when you say we must want to stop for ourselves. I believe this wholeheartedly. So I can’t help voicing my concern when you say you havnt given in to recent urges because it would let your family down and you’re not prepared to go down the road again. That, I fear, is not enough, I hope that you do really want to quit 100%.

I hope you stick around as I’m looking forward to following your story. Sorry if I’ve been doom and gloomy.

I genuinely wish you well on your journey of recovery.

All the best.

Geordie.

[Darren72]

Hi Geordie,

Many thanks for the response, and I can see you did indeed read my initial post a few times in order to pick up on a few anomalies.

Firstly, the answer to your question as to whether I would be here now or still gambling if the wife had not opened that letter is very simple, no I wouldn’t be here, I would probably be having an extended lunch break from work down at the local Bet Fred throwing countless £20 notes in the FOTBs.

The time gap between all coming out into the open and my first day free from gambling is again, a simple one to answer, although doesn’t make me sound a nice person. Yes, it did feel like a weight off my shoulder, but at that time I still ‘enjoyed’ the buzz I got from gambling, so in essence, I was still deceiving my wife, and myself if truth be told.

Day one came about after I woke up and just realized I could no longer put off the inevitable, I had to be honest to myself and quit the habit. I still had money in my account and needed to start the cold turkey before I had a desolate account ( you cant gamble anyway with no money!).

I am now on Day 23 and pushing on through, I guess the next hurdle will be pay day next week, but I really am feeling confident inside that I will not relapse. I have also started back at the gym, after a break of over 20 years!, I really do think in order to break the camels back you have to re engineer your brain, how it thinks, how it interprets etc and also, have a healthier lifestyle all round. I have to say, I really do feel better since the physical fitness programme began.

I totally agree with you, self honesty is imperative, and although most would not understand the fact I still gambled after the wife was made aware, I guess those next few weeks were something I had to go through until the light bulb engaged in my brain and I made the conscious decision to stop for good.

You mentioned my wife’s response, and you are bang on, she was mortified, the ultimate betrayal, and she is right, as bad as having an affair if truth be told. We are taking it one day at a time, however I am aware it will take many months and years for her to completely trust me again, but I will do everything to ensure that happens.

Lastly, just to reiterate, I do want to give up, 100%, and I will …. failure is not an option, I have only potentially half my life on this planet left and I intend to enjoy it with my family, free from the evils of gambling.

Far from being doom and gloomy, I smiled when reading your post, you’re honest in your thinking, I like that, no flannel or b/s, just honesty. 🙂

I will keep this updated, always good to offload at times.

Darren.

[Névtelen]

Thanks for reply Darren. Also for your honesty, like you I’ve been through the mill with gambling and this time I firmly believe that enough is enough.

I’m away at the minute visiting my mother so can’t write all I’d like to. But just wanted to acknowledge your reply.

Take care.

[charles]

Hi Darren,

„……I guess the next hurdle will be pay day next week…..”

Use that awareness darren. What things can you put in place BEFORE payday? Be excluded/blocked from your usual gambling venues/sites?

You mention your wife’s trust – the actions that will help you stop gambling are the same actions that can ehlp rebuild that trust.

It is an old saying – actions speak louder than words. keep posting and let us, and your wife, know the positive actions that you are going to take before payday.

Have your wages paid into your wifes account? Set up an automatic transfer to an account that only she has access to?

[Darren72]

Hi Charles,

We do have a joint bank account that I put enough money into each month to cover the bills each month. As for the remainder of my monthly wages I have made a conscious decision to leave in my personal account. I am really feeling positive about life moving forward and need to prove to myself that I can fight any urges I get and continue to abstain from gambling completely.

My gym work is keeping me busy in my spare time, I am really feeling the benefit of starting to lose some weight and going to the local gym 5 nights a week really helps to focus my mind on what is important.

Day 24 … let’s ‘ave it!!

[micky]

Day 24 and counting like me as well Darren it’s good to mark our progress/recovery .

[Névtelen]

Darren it bamboozles me why anybody would want to prove that they can fight urges, you’ve gambled more than 25 years, surely history dictates you wont be able to resist the urge. Why put this to the test? What purpose does it serve?

Its good you already have a joint account so why not have your whole salary paid into it?

Payday dosn’t necessarily have to be a test.

I know my words or the words of others will make little difference to what you will do. One thing I’m fairly certain of is that any addict will only ever learn by their own mistakes, and not by the mistakes of others.

My opinion is that you’re making a massive mistake by not taking this opportunity to show your wife, and yourself, that you really want to stop gambling for good. Charles has said actions speak louder than words in this situation. From your wife’s point of view how does she know the money in your personal account isn’t being gambled. Isn’t a marriage all about trust and honesty?

I first went to GA in 1983 (maybe 82), after my first spell in prison I went directly to a rehab in 1986, I seriously didn’t want to quit though. I’ve nearly always had good jobs and for long periods was involved in various criminal activities, after another 3 spells in prison and several more years of spending every single penny I could accumulate on gambling like a fool I tried rehab again (2005). I was disappointed with it; I could not understand why they couldn’t help me eradicate gambling from my life. I wanted to leave there and be able to carry on with my life, just without the gambling in it. It dosn’t work like that mate.

Not long after that I ended up in prison again for a shocking crime. People who’ve used this forum a long time will know what it was, but I dont want to elaborate on it here.

I learnt eventually that the rehab people in 2005 (Gordon Moody Association) were right all along. In order to quit gambling I had to change my whole life around, and I’m only just about getting there now.

I went to rehab again in 2009, this time a lot of it sunk in and has stuck with me. The one thing I had the most difficulty achieving was handing over control of my finances. I am very lucky in my current situation I earn a canny wage, but on a payday theres never a lump sum ending up in my account.

I know I am shit at fighting urges, I don’t want to abstain from gambling, I don’t want another urge as long as I live. To prevent this happening I take preventative actions, the main one being lots of honest and open discussions with counselors and friends and family members. Believe me dealing with lifes issues and getting things off your chest as soon as things crop up seems to help me a great deal. With a clear rational head urges don’t come to me. Without large sums of cash in the bank neither does temptation.

I know I can go on Darren, and really make no apologies for that. It’s been said to me before that I am condescending, also no apologies there. Cynical? I should have a masters in cynicism. Thing is I see danger signs in a lot of things I read on here, I can see a lot of people building themselves up for a fall, only because I’ve been there and done that. And when I was there doing that and even before I chose to ignore the condescending, cynical, jailbirds that tried to put me right.

Micky congratulates you on your progress/recovery. I say well done on your 24 days abstinence and of course I hope it continues for you. But without radical changes mate I think at present you’re fighting a losing battle.

I know if I were in your shoes I wouldn’t be making any changes on the strength of what I’ve just written I’d be thinking something along the lines of, „I know what I’m doing, I wont gamble that’ll show’em. I’m keeping a chunk of my salary from my wife, that’ll show them as well”

I post on here more for my own benefit than anybody else’s. it would be nice one day though to see somebody be wise before the event.

Take care

Geordie.

[Darren72]

Geordie,

I completely understand where you are coming from, why? is a simple question, what’s the point etc … very simply, we will all, at some point, have to be in a position to be able to self regulate again, we cannot always rely on someone being there to wipe our bottoms and look after our piggy bank for us.

You seem to think I will fail with this strategy, I know I will not, and the main reason being? Because I have never before tried to give up the gambling habit with a truth and honesty within myself that I want to quit, not just for a day or week or month, but for the remainder of my life.

Some people need support therapy, or alternative therapies ie hypnotherapy etc in order to have a standing chance in succeeding with their stopping, I personally believe it is purely a mental state of mind … cold turkey facing it head on is the only way to go for me.

I was a heavy smoker for over 20 years and stopped about 3 years ago through cold turkey … I found it relatively easy … why?? Because I wanted to stop, nothing more, nothing less.

I have gambled nigh on a half of my life, now is not the first time I have attempted to quit … but it is the first time I’ve attempted to quit for good and wanted to, there is a big difference!

Day 25 … deep breaths and plenty of negative thoughts towards gambling … it’s a mind game folks, stay strong!!

[Névtelen]

I hope you can follow my response in this format I’ll be popping a proper post on here through the night at work,
but just a bit food for thought.

(Geordie),

Darren,

(I completely understand where you are coming from, why? is a simple question, what’s the point etc … very simply, we will all, at some point, have to be in a position to be able to self regulate again, we cannot always rely on someone being there to wipe our bottoms and look after our piggy bank for us.)

It may be true that one day we will all have to self-regulate, but that day for me, if ever, will be in the far distant future. I’ve allowed gambling to ruin my life for 35 years, maybe after 35 years clean I’ll consider self regulation. To use your metaphor Darren, I’d rather have somebody wiping my arse than following me round with a huge bucket and shovel cleaning up the shit I’d created. Likewise the piggy bank I’ve proven time and time again I cant trust myself with my own money so this is a case of me doing what I need to do to maintain a healthy gamble free lifestyle. Having somebody willing to help in this way helps me it dosn’t prevent me from gambling, it is support. My life is not hampered in anyway what so ever.

(You seem to think I will fail with this strategy, I know I will not, and the main reason being? Because I have never before tried to give up the gambling habit with a truth and honesty within myself that I want to quit, not just for a day or week or month, but for the remainder of my life.)

One word springs to mind here; bollocks. How can you possibly know, how can anyone know what tomorrow has in store? You say in your first post on this thread you are here because you relapsed after a year’s abstinence. You genuinely may want to quit for life, but that will only be achieved one day at a time.

(Some people need support therapy, or alternative therapies ie hypnotherapy etc in order to have a standing chance in succeeding with their stopping, I personally believe it is purely a mental state of mind … cold turkey facing it head on is the only way to go for me.)

Surely a contradiction, you are here, this is Gambling Therapy, if it was as easy as cold turkey sites like this would not be around as there would be no need.I too believe it’s a mental state of mind, a mind that has been distorted over great lengths of time, 25 years in your case, do you really think you can get rid of all the irrationality that gambling creates with a spell of cold turkey?

(I was a heavy smoker for over 20 years and stopped about 3 years ago through cold turkey … I found it relatively easy … why?? Because I wanted to stop, nothing more, nothing less.)

As you said in your first post alcohol and drugs are physical addiction, as is smoking, I know it’s very hard to quit. However once your body stops craving the substance it is being fed it will eventually revert back to coping perfectly well without it. You also said gambling is a mental addiction, to be honest I don’t really view gambling as the addiction. I view it as a coping mechanism that we’ve used as a crutch as we weren’t able to cope with life. Gambling in my eyes is a consequence of mental and emotional problems

(I have gambled nigh on a half of my life, now is not the first time I have attempted to quit … but it is the first time I’ve attempted to quit for good and wanted to, there is a big difference!)

There is a big difference (look I do agree with some things). But a different approach is needed you are taking a risk, so whats different for you.?

(Day 25 … deep breaths and plenty of negative thoughts towards gambling … it’s a mind game folks, stay strong!! )

It’s no game mate.

[Névtelen]

Have you heard of denial Darren?

An acronym often used is; Don’t Even kNow I Am Lying.

Maybe if you read back over this thread you might see a few contradictions that you have used, I’m no philosopher, counsellor, or psychologist, but I would say that you are most definatley in denial.

Before I continue I would like to reitarate something I said in a previous post. I post on this forum mainly for my own benefit, if what I say helps anyone else that’d be great, but primarily it’s like posting to a former me, if anything I say offends then I apologise, that is never my intention.

The way you reacted to my reply yesterday was typical of the know-all cocky attitude I had for years. The thing is you’re convinced you’ve got this sussed, you have not mate, your last reply is oozing with denial.

When I asked you would you be here if your wife hadn’t of opened your letter you gave an honest reply and said no. What you had said in your first post was, „This might sound awful, as the shock my wife received after finding out I had gambled away over £7500 in a matter of months was obviously hard for her to take in, but for me, in all honesty, it was a huge relief, a massive weight off my shoulders. No longer was I worrying about letters dropping through the letterbox, adverts on the TV about Clear Score credit reports ( we were hoping to buy our house ) etc. Now it was all in the open and I could concentrate on where I am now, starting to tackle my addiction head on”. But you then went on to gamble for a period of months because, in your own words, you still had funds in your account.!!! So forgive my tone mate, but the above quote is complete crap, for if it were true day 1 would have been the day your wife confronted you about the letter. That’s denial.

Also you say in one of your responses when I asked about your wife, „You mentioned my wife’s response, and you are bang on, she was mortified, the ultimate betrayal, and she is right, as bad as having an affair if truth be told. We are taking it one day at a time, however I am aware it will take many months and years for her to completely trust me again, but I will do everything to ensure that happens.” Really? Anything? But you won’t pay your whole salary into your joint account, to me that’s far from a good start in rebuilding trust. You see payday as a hurdle but have had a week or more to put plans in place to prevent any possibility of you gambling, I can’t see your wife or anyone thinking you’ve changed and start to trust you again. That’s denial.

As regards to your cold turkey plan. I know at the start of every single one of my 5 terms in prison I thought it would be a spell of cold turkey and when I came out I’d be that used to not gambling that I just wouldn’t do it again. That’s denial on my behalf.

Gambling as you will no doubt be aware is progressive, you may be at the stage where you can lose £7500 in a matter of months, when you first started gambling it would have taken you a matter of years to lose such amounts if your estimate of total losses over 25 years to be £100 000+ is correct. The FOBTs are lethal as you know, imagine how it’s going to feel if you get to the stage where you spend £7500 in a matter of hours. I do know how that feels and wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

You may be correct suggesting that one day we’ll all have to regulate ourselves. Some people have no other option than to do that from day one, you have a perfect opportunity to postpone that scenario by having a joint account with your wife. Many blokes don’t have a wife anymore because of their gambling, why not let your wife regulate your spending now, when you still have her and the joint account. The reasons/answers you have given to this question in your last reply mate are denial.

Of course Darren you will make your own choices and I sincerely hope you do not gamble ever again. If or when you do I won’t be gloating and saying „I told you so” I’ll be gutted for you, even more so for your wife. I don’t think you’ve hit rock bottom yet, it’s alright saying that you’re a compulsive gambler in recovery, as you do in your profile, but do you genuinely believe this??

Recovery is more than cold turkey, its more than abstinence. Recovery requires a lot of work, a lot of changes, and a lot of honesty.

You mention in your first post the people who maybe post once or twice and then disappear. You hope that they’re ok but think they’re probably gambling. I hope you don’t disappear after payday mate, like every other CG you will need ongoing support. This is view shared by people who have lived many years gambling free.

I am no authority Darren I am a compulsive gambler who dosnt gamble anymore, I don’t know all the answers I only express my own views and opinions. You will do as you’ve always done and make you’re own decisions just like you have done for the last 25+ years.

Nothing personal Darren but it has been a while since I’ve seen so much of the former me in a new thread on this forum. I’ll leave you alone now, but not a loan!

What day next week is payday?

All the best.

Geordie.

[Névtelen]

Have you self excluded from the bet fred and other bookies you gamble at?

[Darren72]

Hi Geordie,

I will post in response to your above responses tomorrow, in a tad rush today …. just really wanted to quickly say I do appreciate your honest opinions, I don’t see them as a personal attack …. but will respond to you to a greater degree in the morning.

[Névtelen]

Pleased you never took it as a personal attack Darren, hope all is well….. Was just wondering what time yesterday you are going to reply 🙂

[Darren72]

Apologies for not responding when I promised, and also this response itself its short and sweet as I have to run off for a dental appointment.

I completely understand where you are coming from Geordie, but I am not in denial, nor am I being cocky .. just very confident in my mental ability to beat this, which I will do.

Payday was Saturday, today is Day 30, and not a penny has gone to the bookies. No urges whatsoever, work and the gym keeping me mentally focused.

It is about making changes, in my case lifestyle changes, that is the only way to abstain … it is working for me, might not work for everyone, we are all unique …. but it works for me.

1 month completed, feeling mentally strong and no looiking back.

Darren.

[i-did-it]

HI Darren, well done on your gamble free time .

I’m wondering if somewhere tiny in your head you want to leave a teeny weeny door open- I know I always do !

I have had so many months of being strong and then in a second of weakness – all my good work is gone .

Some barriers would do no harm even if that moment of weakness never comes – well they can’t do any harm so why not ?

Hope this helps and I hope you continue on your journey of recovery !

[Darren72]

Hi i-did-it,

I’m quite aware those moments of weakness will raise their head time and again, but I’m ready for them, everything in relation to gambling I now picture as a negative, there are no positives involved therefore it cannot be good for me.

I realize I am still in the early days of remission, but I’m feeling really mentally strong, and I do put a large part of that down to me taking up fitness. We all know how exercise can release those endorphins into our mind and body, and I really am feeling the benefits of it.

You have to refocus in order to succeed, you cannot live the same life you did with gambling and expect to live without gambling, it won’t happen. Your mind and body has to be occupied, imagine sitting at home twiddling your thumbs with nothing keeping you busy … that really is a recipe for placing the next bet. Keep mentally strong and remember, it’s your life to live however you want, nothing can keep you from doing that so long as that is truly what you want.

Anyway, my shins are killing me today, shin splints really make it hard to recover for the next gym visit tonight, but I will …. cardio vascular tonight, happy days!!

Stay strong folks, day 33 on it’s way!!

[Névtelen]

Indeed we are all unique individuals Darren, sadly a common trait we all share is the idiotic gambling that has brought us to this site.

You’ve gambled for over 25 years but think your mental strength,in viewing gambling as a negative, is going to be enough to change?

Can you honestly say that in the past 25 years you’ve never seen gambling as a negative influence on yourself?

Why will it be different this time? I-did-it suggested putting some barriers in place, just incase. You are that sure you won’t gamble again you choose not to. You’re sure you won’t need them.

What would happen if for some reason you couldn’t get to the gym, an injury or illness perhaps. Wouldn’t you find yourself at home twiddling your thumbs like in the scenario you describe above?

As you rightly say in your last post „it’s your life to live how ever you choose” and ultimately that’s what we all do, and have always done. But isn’t living like that what brought us here in the first place?

Anyway I’m pleased you survived payday, good luck with your ongoing recovery.

All the best.

Geordie.

[Darren72]

Hi folks, still going strong and the urges seem to be weakening, though I know I have to be on my guard at all times. I’m hitting the gym at least 4 times a week and this really does seem to be focusing my mind on what is important in life, removing the negatives that has blighted my existence for over 25 years.

In regards to your comment Geordie in reference to if I could not attend the gym due to injury etc, I would have to find something else to focus on, no doubt about that. I’m sure if I looked through my older posts I have mentioned that I believe re engineering your brain and finding a new focus is imperative in order to live life without the gambling disease, and I stick by that. Just stopping gambling without making certain changes to how you live life is not suffice.

Anyhow, the shin splints seem to have waned so I’ll be back on the treadmill later this evening … onwards and upwards folks.

Darren.

[vera]

Darren, may I put a question to you?
IF (God forbid) you should ever gamble again, would you feel free to come on here to „fess” up ?

[Darren72]

Hi Vera,

100% yes!, I’ve lived the last god knows how many years deceiving, lying and generally just living one big lie. My whole reason for coming to this site was to allow me to converse with other people who know what it’s like to have a debilitating condition such as gambling and share the highs, and lows, that come with remission.

I can honestly say should I ever ‘fall off the wagon’ which I am sincerely hoping I don’t, then I will share that experience on here …. no point kidding yourself let alone anyone else!

This forum really does help with my rehabilitation, knowing there are people who will listen, as well as people who may want me to help them with advice, shoulder to cry on etc.

[Darren72]

Feeling good both physically and mentally. Had to travel up to Scotland for business this week and made a couple of pit stops for refreshments. This is where I would normally have made a play to the £500 gambits and end up there for hours on end (normally coming out at least a ton down!) but I walked past them without batting an eyelid. I even, on the last occasion, walked into the area where the machines are and just stood there for a few seconds and then walked out again … maybe to prove to myself I am now mentally strong and will resist the temptation ….. it’s really weird not having any urges to play them, I’m so fixated on righting my wrongs and seeing gambling as a complete negative .. for the first time in over 25 years!! Feels great!!!

[vera]

Well done Darren.
‘Been there done that with regard to walking into „play areas”.
Bad move! It says in the GA literature „don’t tempt or test yourself”. That makes sense to me.
Like you, I am fixated on restoring my losses and putting gambling down to a past experience, keeping in mind that when things improve financially, complacency is likely to set in.
As a matter of interest, were you carrying cash and cards on your trip??

[Darren72]

Hi Vera,

I understand the recommendations made by GA, I guess I just felt the need to ‘test’ myself. It’s certainly not something I will do on a daily basis!

Yes I had both cash and cards, as you know most service stations now have cash machines too ( although most rob you of £1.99 per transaction) but I just wasn’t interested.

You’re absolutely right in regards to ‘keeping in mind that when things improve financially, complacency is likely to set in.’ This I’m sure will be a potential issue, I just have to keep reminding myself daily why I am doing this.

It’s takes minutes to lose hundreds of pounds … but potentially years to repay it!! I’m not going down that road again, I refuse!!.

Stay strong. x

[Darren72]

New week, things going well …. just booked a 2 week holiday in Gran Canaria for end of July …. another thing to focus on to ensure I keep motivated at the gym each night.

Stay strong people.

[charles]

Hi Darren, wll done on your gamble free time. I would echo Vera’s comments on testing yourself – Nothing much to gain and a hell of a lot to lose.

Well done on booking that holiday, it is all part of seeing the benefits of not gambling.

[Darren72]

Weekly check in —– still going positive and strong!!!

[velvet]

Hi Darren
I hail from the F&F section of the site and have read your posts with interest, you are certainly doing well.
I remember being told – and I now say it to so many other F&F – it is never fair to leave cash or temptation around when a CG is in early recovery because when a CG tests him/herself they are not accepting their addiction.
Just a thought – it is great to hear you doing well and getting fit – a body and mind overhaul, great combination.
Take care
Velvet

[Névtelen]

Hi Darren

No weekly update this week? Hope alls still going well for you.

[Darren72]

Time flies … didn’t even realize it’s over a week since my last post.
Still going strong, had the second pay day since I left gambling behind last week and no urges or weak moments to speak of. It’s quite weird still having cash in the bank on the last day before pay day, but certainly a good feeling.

I’m still hitting the gym 4 to 5 nights a week, I’ve lost around 12 lbs since started and I have so much more energy because of it, but the key is the mental side, you feel so much better.

I’m down in London next week on business and looking forward to not spending my time searching for the nearest William Hill or Bet Fred in my free time … just the hotel bar for a few cheeky pints will do.

Hope everyone is doing ok, we can do this.

[Jonny123987]

Good work Darren!

[vera]

Keep going Darren!
Won’t be long ’til you will be soaking up the sun in Grand Canaria.
I’m not into sun holidays so much, but I looked at a car I would love last week . I did a quick recky and it hit me hard that I could have bought 7 of those cars for all the money I lost gambling. Hit me so hard I went through the motions with the sales team and applied for the finance. Three days later I was told it was declined. That’s what gambling takes from us. Despite the fact that its well over 500 days since my last bet, the gambling demon is still coming back to haunt me….time for the Serenity Prayer.
Sorry for off loading on your thread but you did say you were open to sharing.
Anyway I hope you’re doing well and staying G free odaat.

[Névtelen]

Hello Darren,

It’s been a good few weeks since you last posted. I always like to keep my eye on the threads of the people who come here looking for advice and support, and then decide on an alternate route. Just to see if the rest of us have been hoodwinked by others and ourselves, and it is possible to quit by pursuing a different path.

Your first post on this thread springs to mind where you say, „I have also noticed a number of people have written maybe one or two entries and then nothing since, I am truly hoping they have managed to quit the addiction but I fear they may have relapsed … I only hope they come back, accept they had a ‘blip’, and start again. Rome wasn’t built in a day etc etc”

I wonder why you’ve just stopped posting.

I do hope all is well with you. To be honest though you have written some things which would have worried me about my recovery if I had been in your place.

Hopefully you’re in Gran Canaria having a great time with the money you’ve saved by not gambling.

Take care, looking forward to an update.

Geordie.

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