[Smee707]

Hi all,

I have posted on here before but have been away for a while (trying to sort my life out).

I am 24 and until 3 months ago had accrued £30k + in savings. In one night I lost the whole lot on blackjack.

A week later I win £40k off my last £600. A day later I lose It all but £500.

Since then I stopped gambling. I worked hard and made up some money doing overtime. I was doing a shit paid job but living at a friends for free so spare money was coming in each month. And going straight to the blackjack table.

I have no moved to London and I’m in a much better job but the rent is so expensive my spare income is next to nothing. I sold my car and so had £2k left behind me for emergency and to enjoy like while I’m living here.

I’m sure you all know where this is going. I lost the £2k tonight and have really started to hit rock bottom. I’m ruining my life. I have a decent job in an amazing city now but I can’t help myself from throwing away money I can’t afford to.

I have stayed away many of times but always relapse. And when I relapse I lose it all.

Thanks for listening,

Smee

[I_Maverick]

Welcome back Smee. I remember when you posted before. Have you tried GA? I know it’s not for everyone and many people have preconception about GA, but it has really worked for me and continues to work. Also, have you spoken with the National Problem Gambling CLinic and self referred? GamCare?

What blockers have you got in place when the gambling thoughts return?

Keep posting. I am on day 98 but a long way from recovery. I think my recovery is just starting. But every day I have to work on me, who I am. That’s what led me to believe that Gambling was an answer to any number of problems. It isn’t.,

Good luck and use the forums here as well as the support groups. They were vital to me in the early days.

I will keep you in my thoughts and ask my higher power to help you.

[Smee707]

Hi maverick. I remember how useful your comments were before. It really helped me get through a crappy time in my life.

This time I am back and I have told myself I have to stop completely. If I don’t stop I’m going to keep going until I have a huge amount of debt and am homeless.

Today I stop gambling once and for all. I just need to figure out how to get myself out of the financial mess I’ve created now

[female g]

your here, and so are we, all in the same boat and in need of life support. we humans seem to have to hit rock bottom before we can see the light. We hope that we can continue on if our luck holds out but the reality its impossible to sustain that. Its a pipe dream and the house banks on us believing that we will be the one to come out on top. One thing I’ve realized is by actually looking around you know that in the casino’s there are very few people who walk away with large amounts of cash. Oh yeah the bells go off but for how much 1000,2000,5000, that amounts to nothing when you stop and think how much it cost you as a cg to go continually. That is what it could cost me in less than a month. And the odds are not in my favour to ever get back what I’ve lost over the course of 15 years. So I am coming to realize the only way to have anything worth while in my life has to be earned and appreciated. I am a hard worker and I think most cg’s are its how we sustain this habit for so long. We need to give ourselves the things we deserve and stop handing over our money to a place who could care aless about us. Just food for thought.
I hope you take time to rediscover who you are and begin to see value in the life going on around you and tart to enjoy the simple things that cost little to nothing ok. hope this helps FG

[vera]

Hi Smee,
I read what you wrote on Angie’s thread. I also read about your losses on this thread. The one thing we need to lock into our brain, is that CGs NEVER win. I have lost scary amounts trying to „win back” a few hundred. You really need to realize that you will never never win. I tried until I was almost at Death’s Door and I’m not being melodramatic when I say that. Gambling comes with a high price tag. The first thing notice is that we are losing money recklessly. Serious amounts of money. Then we being to lose or self esteem, confidence,friends, sense of worth, hope, relationships, family, interests, hobbies, concentration, sleep, focus, sense of time, health…..the list of losses is endless, and money , albeit a huge issue is the least of our losses.
Gambling is a progressive disease. It will get worse and worse. You will „bleed to death” if you don’t take serious steps to arrest that „hemorrhage” NOW.
I am old enough to be your mother. If you were my son, I would prefer to know what’s happening in your life. There is a lot of help available , Smee , so don’t suffer in silence.
Nothing good ever comes from gambling. You will not regret it if you surrender today and admit that you are powerless over this addiction. Only when we accept that it has us knocked to the floor, can we begin to drag ourselves up again.
You CAN stop Smee. You will never get the money back that you lost. Sad but true.
Keep posting.

[kin]

dear smee,

you are so young, you have such a bright future in front of you.

you do not have to make the same mistakes and be caught in the same vicious cycle of addictions that many of us in here did, many years and money was lost as a result.

you do not want to struggle with this problem for the next 30 years, you do not want to lose away your salary time and time again.

you do not want to stop gambling for 29 days only to lose everything away on the day you receive your pay. then it start all over again.

I read your post and one thing caught my attention.

your memory of your past big wins is very dangerous, this memory of past big wins has sent one too many of us back to gambling.

if we have done it before one time, or many times, we can do it again, this irrational and distorted thoughts can sound very convincing and true to us, it will try to justify the reasons for us to return to gambling.

do you like to break free from the bondage of addictions?

do you like to be free from the slavery of money?

if you really want to change, everything about the old me has to go.

[I_Maverick]

Hey Smee

I had to write. I think it’s great you are back, but it’s a shame you went away and did even more damage. I know that pain. Today is day 102 for me since my last bet but as the GA Handbook says I am only 1 bet away from utter destruction. Today I took more steps to protect myself by removing more opportunities to gamble. I did it with my mother next to me who has the password to netnanny on my computer. We had to unprotect the computer so I could access iTunes and delete all my old gambling apps as I bought an old iPod touch. This machine cannot download modern software BUT I had old gambling apps on the cloud. They COULD be dowbnloaded and for 2 weeks I have resitsted but I simply do not trust myself. Netnanny also blocks iTunes from accessing the iTunes store. So together my mum and i unlocked the computer, accessed the cloud on iTunes, deleted ALL gambling apps, and then protected the computer again. I do not know the password. I know this means I have to treat myself as a child, but jesus I sure acted like one.l I would rather not go into the ways I acted with my wife suffice to say I did not act like a man in middle age.

PROTECT YOURSELF. GET SOMEONE HELP WITH YOU FINANCES. MAKE YOURSELF ACCOUNTABLE.

If I gamble my parents will ask me to leave, my friends will not speak with me and all I will have is GA. I am at the last chance saloon and I AM NOT GOING TO **** THIS ONE UP.

I hope you do not. I am 42, old enough to start again people say. You are only 24. What I would give to be 24 again… wait, I was a heroin addict, so maybe not.

But I am now in NA as well as I have been having thoughts of taking drugs. I am an addict, whether gambling, drink, drugs. It doesn’t matter. I use substances to escape the fact I don’t seem to like myself, but I need to find out why.

Go to the GA Website and find a chapter near you. It will help. Speak with the National Problem Gambling Clinic. Speak with Gordon House if you need it. Protect yourself and start building to a good future. If you save all that money by 24 imagine what you will have by 40 if you never gamble again. If you gamble you will have less than nothing, you may be dead. This addiction kills. More gamblers committ suicide than any other addiction. That ios a horrific statistiuc.

Stay on the site, confide in us, pour your thoughts onto the web. It helped me a few months ago when I was at rock bottom. I am no longer at rock bottom, but I am only a short way from it. One slip and I will fall lower than before. I know it. I remind myself what will happen. I used to think I will stop for a bit then gamble safely. That is nonsense and the addiction talking. I can NEVER gamble again. I understand now that I am a CG. This means i=that even if I win, I lose. And if I lose I lose. I always lose. What’s the point of doing something you can never win at and which might kill you? **** that.

Good luck fella, my heart goes out to you. I hope you can find the courage to talk to your mum – I am sure she will support you. She’s your mum. Mum’s are amazing and forgiving. But I am so aware now of not taking the piss.

See you around.

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