[AddickT]

Hi to all,
I’m a new member after reading the last few days. Let me share my story:

I started gambling at 18 or 19, mainly on the football and roulette wheels at Bookmakers. At the time of writing I am 26 years old. By the time I was 23 and realised after spending a few years of gambling that I had a problem that needed addressing.
Scared and apprehensive, I walked into a gamblers anon meeting in London and sat down in a room full of strangers. Strangers who were all considerably older than me.
Despite being able to share my thoughts and feelings I felt uncomfortable, nervous and out of place. Looking back, I’m sure most people feel like that on their first visit to a meeting. I remember thinking to myself ‘I’m not as bad as these guys, they have families, mortgages etc’. I convinced myself I didn’t need GA and would be able to help myself.

I used online forums and social media to educate myself with methods that would help fight problem gambling. I told my family – Mum, Dad and girlfriend at the time. Everyone was supportive especially my Mother who paid off £500 worth of debts. I vowed to never gamble again.

To help with my recovery I decided I wanted to be useful and provide help to other problem gamblers. I noticed that in my three GA meetings I attended I was the youngest member by at least 15 years. I set up a blog and twitter page called 2young4gambling. My vision was simply to help young gamblers like myself. I felt that being only a few years out of school I would be able to offer a different view on problem gambling and the potential dangers associated with it.
Ultimately, 2young4gambling was my smokescreen to ignore my own personal gambling problems. I wasn’t ready to commit to helping others when I more than likely needed the help myself.

I was gamble free for around 12 months or longer. I can’t remember the exact days/months/time but it was long enough for people around me to stop asking if I was gambling, long enough for me to assume that I had overcome my gambling issues.
I always remember a close friend saying that it was “a period of my life that I have now controlled”. In a perverse way this triggered a part of my mind which allowed me to gamble again. Not huge sums of money at first, just the lottery or a £1 or £2 Football accumulator.
Six months later, I had enough debt so that my monthly pay was leaving me with £50 spare, the rest being eaten by my bank overdraft, which was accepted online with a click of the mouse.
This was my first relapse.

Again, I told the closest people to me thinking it would help. My Mum didn’t pay off any debts this time, instead helped me get back on track and bought BetFilter the blocking software.

I’m not sure how long I lasted going gambling free. That period is a blur. I’d say it was around 2 months. I had managed to stop online gambling and visiting bookmakers to use the FOBT. I now had a new tool. An item that was on me at most times of the day – my phone.
This was my second relapse.
I opened up a few accounts, sometimes played roulette or had a bet on the football. Every now and then I would spend £200/300 in a night and then be skint for the rest of the month. This was the third relapse (Can you see there is a pattern emerging!)
I told family again. I stopped gambling from July 13th 2014, met a nice girl on the very same day. It was fate I thought, I started enjoying life, had a nice weekend break away to Rome and started to get some savings behind me at last. Gambling disappeared and I once again believed I had overcome this on my own.
The third relapse happened on the 23rd October 2014.
I logged back onto an old Coral account and spent a good part of my savings over the last 3 months on online roulette and slots. Why? I have no idea. This is the question I am trying to solve now. This time I am not going to try and beat this alone. I am going to attend a local GA meeting this Wednesday, I plan to use this site to help me and join in with the forums and I am considering visiting a counsellor to help find the root cause to why I hit the “self-destruct button”.
I have spoken with my family, who were disappointed but ready to support me. I plan to talk to the new girlfriend tonight. I haven’t told her about my past and if I don’t tell her I feel I am living a lie. I am ready for her to not understand and the consequences it may bring. What will be, will be.
I don’t want a fourth relapse. I don’t want another relapse ever again. What I want is to accept who I am and accept that I can put controls in place to make sure I never again feed this industry any more of my own money.
Thanks for reading

AddickT

[micky]

Hi AddickT and welcome to our family, you have come to the right place because we here are all in the same boat as you. I am on my 10th day gamble free after re-lapsing and i too am looking to abstain for life . Reach out and get as much help as you can , GA, councelling and whatever it takes to find what works for you, not forgetting this site which has lots of helpful advice , services and resources to help you through your recovery. And not forgetting fellow C.G’s who will help you along the way . 🙂 Micky

[Dunc]

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Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[kpat]

Reading your story makes me really appreciate the sneakiness of this addiction. This my first real attempt to get away from gambling.
I will stay very alert to the feeling that I have beat this. I cant afford a relapse!
I wish you luck with telling your girlfriend and it sounds like you have some solid plans in place. Your family sounds like they love you very much too!
There are a lot of people in this world that have been able to live gamble free. You and I are going to make two more!!
Keep up the good work.

[AddickT]

Hi all,

Today is day 11 since I last had a bet. Thanks for the replies to my initial post. It’s nice to know people are reading.

I spoke with my girlfriend, she was supportive and has told me she will support me in any way she can. This was the best possible outcome I could have hope for – yet it still doesn’t feel me with a sense of happiness, maybe because I wish I didn’t have to face up to the reality of it all?

Since “coming clean” to those close to me, I’ve felt myself becoming more and more down. I’m not sure why, if anything I should use the support I’ve got as a springboard to help me – instead I feel guilt, shame and low self confidence. Has anyone else felt this after letting it all out in the open?
I’m sure it isn’t helped by being in a stressful job that I do not really enjoy, on top of the pressure of completing a part-time University course paid for by my employer, it all just feels a little bit too much but I’ll get there.

On Thursday I attempted a GA meeting. I say the word attempted because I drove into the car park and straight back out again! At this point I hadn’t told my girlfriend, so I told myself if I wasn’t going to the meeting, I had to go and tell her instead.

To end this entry positively I’ve decided this Thursday I am going to the GA meeting local to me. Will it help? Who knows. It’s certainly better than sitting at home wasting £’s on online betting websites?!

AddickT

[vera]

When we “come clean” it means we are kissing Gambling goodbye in a way, AddicT, so maybe that’s why you feel a bit down. Let’s face it, for most CGs, gambling is the Love of our Lives!
Why not phone the GA Helpline to arrange for one of the members to “walk you in ” for your first visit I remember doing that years ago. A very nice man waited outside for me. Introduced me to the Group. It means you can’t change your mind in the car park!
Turning our backs on gambling can be like a bereavement !
Give yourself time to “mourn”!
Maybe your G/F could attend Gamanon or the Friends and Family Forum here. She will need help if she intends supporting you!
Well done on taking such brave steps!

[Autor]

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